According to her official spokesman Max Clifford, a nine-year-old girl from Surrey was recently subjected to "horrendous abuse on a catastrophic scale" when her friend's mother refused to serve her cake at an evening soiree celebrating her friend's birthday. The girl, who for legal reasons, cannot be named, had apparently been served an omelette during the meal, which her mother had already informed the host she did not like to eat.
"She let out a bloodcurdling scream as soon as I laid the plate in front of her," reported party host Vicky Battersby, "It was like something out of the Creature From The Black Lagoon. I thought it might have been the saveloys or even the turkey twizzlers putting her off, but she kept pointing to the omelette and making a gagging gesture." Taking the matter into her own hands, Battersby laid down the law: "In our house we eat healthily. We all lick the plate clean - even the lard deposits that have gone solid with the cold. So I told her, straight, I said: 'no dinner, no pud.'" In an act later described by one of the partygoers as "cold-blooded", Battersby proceeded to serve cake to all the children - except the girl herself.
The girl is currently undergoing psychological counselling and was therefore unavailable for comment.
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Sorry, I had to. I just can't believe that thread is still going strong.