why are women with job, kids and partner still called "have it all" women? Drives me nuts.

[mommie]

Yet again we have a story in the papers about older mothers. While I think some of the (health) advice is good, I am fed up with the concept that women delay their families to "have it all". The reason i have a job and a baby is to pay the bills. DOH.

I dont see the problem with people having a job and a baby, surely its better than being on benefits? i dont have personal experience because i had my daughter at 18 but after the next one (ttc) i will start uni to become a midwife, it will be hard prob harder than the other way round (or maybe not) but its the way it has happened.

i dont see the stigmatism about any of it, as long as a child is loved, clothed, warm and fed does it really matter when you have them (obv if there are factors to do with health i.e. 60+ it would be considered in a different light) but a healthy 30/40 yr old having a baby shouldn't turn heads!

media crap MOmmie

Indeed. Nobody with babies really 'has it all' in the sense they are talking about. There are 101 compromises you have to make - the key one being time - you either compromise your career or time with your kids or time for yourself or time for your dh....

It's just a prolonged state of permanent exhaustion whatever you choose as far as I can tell.

Have it all?! LOL! I'm missing the house, pension, savings, newish car and nice wardrobe. Also the nanny, maid and gardener.

I'm working poor and married a man who turned out to never want kids. So that's why I'm an 'older' mum.

But I pick up this phone to pay bills and for no other reason.

This 'report' is right up there w/those ones that conclude that Britons are in debt from funding lavish lifestyles. As if paying council tax is some kind of f&^%ing luxury!

exactly, expat. Having it all - what a bollocky phrase (excuse my french)

should be 'do it all' women or 'never sit down for 30 seconds' women. Or how about just normal people?

edam - 'do it all' is too right-on for male-dominated newsdesks of national papers. anyway, have got off my high horse now. as a 41 yr old mum, the best advice i can give is to have babies when you are younger if you want the grandparents to help out. my mum is 73 and says she is too old now

Actually I think I'm the one that should be described as "having it all" - in the sense that I've got exactly what I want - sahm, 4 children, cleaner, don't have to worry about money etc. etc. (Please excuse if this sounds smug - I'm just very happy with my lot). Why on earth working mothers are described as having it defeats me when surveys show that large numbers of them would much rather not have to work when they have young children.

Rob - I guess it depends what 'having it all' means to you doesn't it. If you are happy not to work at all then for you, you have it all. I think the thing is, many women want to have time with their kids and go to work and continue their careers.

In some senses I have it all too - I'm a SAHM to my 3 kids, can do my own school runs, after school activities etc but I also have a good freelance career so I have career satisfaction and contribute significantly to our household income.

OTOH, I pay a price for this in terms of time for myself which I basically hardly ever get and I fill every second of my waking day with some job or other (usually working at nights and weekends). I'm permanently tired (but used to it so not looking like death iyswim!).

I feel I've got the best of both worlds but it might not work for the next person - so it's all about individual needs and desires.

i don't think theres many working mums who do "have it all" It just the silly media way of sticking everyone into boxes which are nice and neatly labelled. Thankfully life isn't like that - I don't really fit into the little boxes myself.

Thank goodness!

Having it all = having pooey nappies whilst having all the cr*p at work.

Having it all = Having to juggle business meetings with having to juggle school pick ups.

Having is all = having the guilt at work that you aren't a 'proper' mummy AND having all the guilt at home that you are not taken as 'committed' at work.

.....or it that just me ?

Quite right edam.
Have it all?
Do it all more like.

Robinia I'm in a similar position to you., A SAHM with four kids. But I don't have the cleaner or the money. Even so, struggling as I am, I'm still happy not to be working. I was no good at both.
Some people really are able to do both jobs well, but it's tough.

there is never mention of dads is there? m,edia bashing woimen again as per usual

Exactly, fio. How about all the males out there who don't want to commit or have kids, or who don't want kids - ever?

Male fertility declines as well, and the report mentions that older men carry a higher risk of fathering children who later develop schizophrenia and other genetic abnormalities.

Also no mention of how much it now costs to live in the UK, and how this many impact peoples' decisions to have kids - especially as student loan debt levels continue to increase.

all the men i know in my office CHOOSE to come in on bank holidays cos they can't stand doing things at home with their kids. they come in for the rest.

Hey, yeah! Can't find a partner to have a baby with in your early twenties? Just get sprogged up by any ol' fella and have the state support you! Blame it all on biology.

i know, the way this has been reported has made me so furious

i am not a first-time mum at 35 because i wanted to "have it all" and put my career first, but because i couldn't find a bloody man to commit to a relationship and kids until now. was ready at 28 and engaged, then he was so terrified of the upcoming commitment and responsibilities he started shagging around. then in current and much better relationship but man was not ready for kids until recently. why don't we focus our societal efforts on raising more responsible men??? huh???