Getting kids to do chores

[ASHayward]

I’ve been thinking about how we handle household jobs with our little one as they get older, and I’m curious how it actually works with other parents.

How often do you ask your kids to help out? (and what age do you start)

When you ask them to do something, what usually happens and how do you tackle them saying no (if that's a probelm?)

Is there any method you are doing already which helps? (charts, rewards, etc)

Are chores something you guys think is important for kids to do, or am I old fashioned? ha

We just say that it's all of our jobs to keep our house nice to live in. So we all do general jobs at the same time e.g. tidying, and everyone has to take responsibility for putting their clothes in the wash and plates away. No rewards or anything like that.

I'd never call them 'chores'. DH and I have always called it housework so it's kids helping with housework not chores.

My DC has helped from the time she could toddle / crawl to put her own toys back in the box. Now she is 3 and she loves helping. If she says no to helping on an occasion I don't make a big deal of it because usually she is happy to.

I was going to say exactly the same as @Anothercake

When they are little, they want to be with you, and naturally want to be doing what you are doing, so taking their cup or spoon or whatever over to the sink or dishwasher at the end of the meal is just what everyone does. It's not seen as a 'job' you have to allocate. Same with tidying their things away - you do it with them, perhaps saying 'You put all the cars in the box and I'll put the bricks away' or it might be 'Lets see if we can get all these tidied away before {might be the end of a song, or before sand runs through a timer or whatever}'. Then, you get them to do "housework" or "laundry" with you because it is safer if you are together / they are in your sight, and, again, they tend to naturally want to be with the adult at a young age.

I would like my older teens to be more helpful so I lve gone wrong somewhere. They load the dishwasher and they do the bins (erratically) and feed the dogs. What I would like them to do is other household tasks without being asked, when they obviously need to be done. So maybe early training was required. Not too late for you OP!

I've asked this question in a couple of places, and to be honest it looks like once kids hit teens it becomes a different ball game. Did you manage to get them into a routine when they were younger?

They did used to always clear the table for everyone and do the dishwasher. But I think I just wanted an easy life so getting them to be a bit tidier involved so much effort and shouting that I just gave up and left the mess. Maybe I should have persevered in hindsight and built some good habits. They are both boys and I will apologise to their future wives.

They are very polite and hugely helpful to guests though. And they would never let me carry a bag or anything. So they're not too bad.

DD always had “jobs” to do and also joined in with bigger tasks (mostly because she followed me around everywhere and wanted to be a part of anything anyway). She had a phase when she was obsessed with washing windows and mirrors.

Now she has her set tasks still , helps whenever I ask and some things have become routine so I don’t even have to ask anymore. For example I always used to ask her to give me a hand when the food shop came(whether I needed to or not). Now, at 15, she just shows up from wherever she is when it comes and brings all the bags to me in the kitchen.

I think this is pretty natural and normal, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. We did a lot of Montessori stuff when mine were little so they were ace at wiping tables and making their own breakfast but that had very little to do with what they could and would do at 15. You need to pick your battles and life gets a lot more complicated when they get older.

Whole family "10 minutes tidy" is useful and you can tack onto that things like sweeping floors, vacuuming, the odd sink clean.

Think of jobs in their entirety, not just the "main event". If they are wrapping a present the job ends when scissors, paper and sellotape are back in the drawer and any rubbish in the bin. If they are sweeping the floor it includes throwing away they sweepings and returning the broom to its home. Give them a stake in choosing their preferred jobs but also try to assign ones where them failing to do it does not impact on you or make you end up having to do it, because that is really annoying for you and trends towards you nagging rather them learning through actual consequences.

My ds aged 15 spontaneously asked if he could take over making the lunchboxes to help me! He wanted a bit more responsibility.

Younger ds does the dishwasher if reminded.

Eldest also washes the car, and likes baking (for fun).

They know how to do a lot more jobs aswell, eg, robot vacuum, washing machine, cooking basic meals, changing bedding. Haven't taught them ironing yet as I'm a bit nervous about burns.

I still do most things for them though as I think you're only young and carefree once. Also they have a lot of homework and big exams coming up.

We never had chores as a child, Mum believed a childs job was to play. She also believed that if we didn't have a specific daily set of jobs that we would come to hate, that we would be more prepared to help out when asked. We had a weekly cleaner when i was at primary and all i had to do was keep my room tidy. At secondary school my holidays started two weeks before hers so she would leave task lists. It wasn't all housework, it would say hoover the lounge or wipe the kitchen surfaces but it would also say take the cat out (cat was FIV positive so harness trained) or money in box, buy a roll for your lunch.

Money incentives were always good, in my teens i was paid to do the ironing. When I left home and my Dad died, Mum went back to work and my brother who was struggling to get a job took on the majority of the household chores and was paid for that.

I have mobility issues and I’m often sending DD11 upstairs to get something or to flick a switch etc (no, I don’t get her to make a cup of tea or anything and no, she is nowhere near the benchmark of being a young carer, not even close). So, as a result, she doesn’t have a set list of chores; HOWEVER she still does one or two small jobs on a weekend.
I can’t say I’ve ever struggled to get her to do any, but that could be more to do with her being used to helping.
Have you considered a reward scheme of sorts? Get them used to the concept of earning money??

Same here. From as soon as they could walk into the kitchen carrying a spoon.

My daughter was involved in housework as soon as she was physically able, but got paid for “extra”. It was the best of both worlds.

Mine's 15 and reacts fine to 'would you mind hoovering? Could you feed the dog? It's laundry day, whatever you have stick it in the machine. Could you get the washing in? Run a sponge over the breakfast stuff, will you? Etc. no set chores, no cash rewards, never did a sticker chart. Albeit he won't do stuff without being asked, but so far he isn't arsey about it. He'll open his shutters and windows before he leaves in the morning, pyjamas in his bedroom (rather than bathroom as he showers in the morning), duvet thrown back to air the bed.

He loathes cooking, as do I, so once he leaves home it'll be a baptism by fire. But hopefully he'll notice dishes, laundry and a skanky bathroom. Can't win everything.

As soon as they are physically able to walk from the dining table to the kitchen, they are old enough to clear their own plate, cup and cutlery from the table and put it beside the sink. As soon as they can undress themselves or take their shoes off, they are old enough to put dirty clothes in the laundry basket, and their shoes away.

It does kids no favours to learn that they can leave their things lying around for someone else to clear up.