How can I persuade DH to have a cleaner?

[AlwaysPurple]

Neither DH are very good at keeping on top of cleaning, through a mixture of time, energy and motivation. I would like a cleaner, £20/hour, 2 hours a fortnight, so £80/month. DH is very reluctant, partly because of the money and having someone in our house - he says it's more work to tidy up before a cleaner. My attitude to the cleaner would be - we're a busy family, sometimes it will be tidier than others, please just do the best you can. Quite frankly, any regular cleaning would be a big improvement on the current.

I think DH also just doesn't see the need for cleaning in general. His parents' house is always perfectly nice when we go there. They're not massive neat freaks, but it's clean. This is all I want. He says the Queen isn't coming, which is true! But I just want a vaguely clean house. He says he does the cleaning, but it is very sporadic and he is very very slow (it takes him over an hour to clean our average sized bathroom!).

He says we should we able to do it ourselves, which in some ways is true, but it doesn't happen. We have a toddler and are expecting twins, so we are not going to magically have any extra time for the next 18 years!! Any time I do have, I either want to spend it with DH and kids, or doing something I enjoy, not vacuuming and cleaning the loos.

How do I persuade him?!

Book a one off clean and see if he notices and likes it?

Having to tidy before the cleaner once a week has meant our house stays a lot tidier in general as well as being a lot cleaner. My husband wasn't keen in the beginning, but is really glad that we started having a weekly clean, and he's the one who does the tidy up the night before. Why don't you suggest trialling it for a couple of months?

I ended a relationship due to cleaning issues (among other things). On reflection we’d probably still be together if I’d had a cleaner to lower the resentment I felt. I’m single and now have my cleaner for 2 hours a fortnight and she’s made my life at home manageable. Life is too short to argue about cleaning and to feel overwhelmed by domestic chores.
obviously my inability to resolve the issues with my ex would indicate I am not the best person to advise about how to approach this!

What are your finances like? Is he right that the money is an issue?

Just get one. Tell him it’s on a trial basis. He doesn’t get to override you and telling him it’s on a trial let’s him get used to the idea and he won’t feel strong armed into it.
I’ve had a cleaner since my dc were young. They’re not young now and I still have a cleaner. Dh has always been on board with this as it frees up so much time and there’s one less thing to argue/feel resentful about.

If you are pregnant with twins, can you just say that you are struggling, anticipate this is going to get worse and present him with a solution.
I am assuming that this is financially possible, because I would expect it to be sanity saving…

Two hours a fortnight isn’t enough!

Who is doing most of the cleaning now? I’m guessing you? If so, it isn’t really his place to say no to a cleaner and veto it in that way, because it’s you that’s doing it! You’re pregnant with twins and soon won’t be able to clean at all quite frankly - you’re growing 2 lovely babies and will be knackered, even if physically able! I have a toddler and whilst pregnant with our (now) newborn I told my DH in no uncertain terms that I was too tired to clean and stressed about a messy/dirty house and that unless he was willing to spend an hour daily cleaning/tidying like did but could no longer do, then we needed a cleaner. We now have one fortnightly like you suggest and it does make a real difference

We are OK for money, we can afford what I'm proposing. Maybe it wouldn't be enough to be spotless all the time, but I think I'll suggest we start with that as a trial and see how we go. The equivalent of an hour a week is still more than happens at the moment!

My husband was always against a cleaner. Things changed after I went back to work after my first maternity leave. I basically said that it was time we shared the load with cleaning, I could no longer do it all myself. I asked him what he wanted to own. He picked cleaning the bathrooms and hoovering. After a while he realised it was a ball ache to keep on top of, so finally agreed to a cleaner. Frustrating that it took him to actually understand how time consuming cleaning was to finally agree, but I got what I wanted in the end!

We only have 2 hours every other week, and they only do the kitchens bathrooms and hallways/landing. It is an effort to tidy before they come, but as a previous poster has said, it's useful to have something to make us tidy. It means the house is looking fab after the come - clean and tidy and I love it! Worth every penny in my opinion, I might increase their hours soon to cover off more of the house. I have 2 boys 2 & 5 and they are as messy as animals

"How do I persuade him?"

Go on cleaning strike and rearrange responsibilities. Put him in full 100% charge of cleaning, and avert your eyes from the inadequate results. Give it a couple of months, then casually suggest the cleaner again.

Two hours per fortnight won’t touch the sides
i don’t see why you have to justify it when you’re about to have three kids and you can afford it
no idea why it would take your partner an hour to clean a bathroom
anyeya I would suggest you book a deep clean and then the two hours on top I would use for hoovering and mopping plus bathroom / kitchen and lounge areas as you won’t fit much else into that time with a decent cleaner who is moving stuff

Say you need 2 hours a week and "compromise " on 2 hours a fortnight.

It's not a permanent decision...you can stop it if you choose.

Say you need it for 6 months anyway due to pregnancy/toddler/ baby twins...and will see after that.

Congrats BTW.

Agree. It's kind of neither here nor there. If you do nothing in between, it could take an hour for the cleaner to scrub the bathroom thoroughly. You'll get a clean bathroom and kitchen for 1 day a fortnight. Cleaning is an on-going process sadly if you want to live in a clean house.

You seem to be the default cleaner.

Stop doing any cleaning you do. Grit your teeth and down tools.

He doesn't see the need for cleaning because he thinks it's the fairies doing it to make his life comfortable.

His moaning about having to tidy up before a cleaner and presenting that as a reason not to have one tells me exactly what sort of lazy slob you are married to.

He needs to up his game significantly before you deliver or you will be on your knees, and your marriage will not survive the entitlement he seems to be exhibiting.

The cleaning fairy is pregnant with twins and has resigned from active household duties of the cleaning variety with immediate effect. She is also considering relinquishing all laundry and tidying duties for anyone in the house apart from herself and dc.

I really don’t think two hours will make any difference. For a one bathroom, 2 to 3 bedroom house or flat you really need at least 3 hours weekly.

Trial it? Mainly to find out if it's more work or not, because I bet it won't be.

You’re pregnant with twins and you have a toddler, I think you have right to arrange for a cleaner assuming your budget can stand it. You must be exhausted, of course you don’t want to spend any time cleaning. Just book it. Tell DH you’re not able to contribute physically to the cleaning any more, so unless he is willing to to do it all to an acceptable standard starting immediately, there’s nothing more to be said. Then go and rest . Lie down, feet up .