Tidy people

[villadicance]

I happen to have spent a few days recently with a very tidy friend - she and I both have two energetic boys under 8 but her house always looks like something out of Home and Garden and mine always looks incredibly messy. I always wondered how she did it!

Observing her, what I noticed - and none of this is rocket science:

She always always puts things away - even when we were running late to her own child's birthday party, she made him put away the toys he was playing with. I just wouldn't do that - I would leave it for later (then not do it!) Similarly when we unloaded the car after the party, everything went away straight away. Again we would have flopped and opened presents and dealt with it later (or not!)

Every single thing has a place and everyone knows where that is.

She is more comfortable saying no to her kids than I am and has stronger boundaries. There are some toys she won't buy for her kids because she doesn't want them cluttering up the place and she has very clear rules - e.g. Lego never goes outside the playroom.

I found it fascinating seeing this up close as I have always secretly wondered how she does it.

I am now trying to decide whether I actually care enough to try and be more like this or not!

I'm a bit like your friend, but only do the clear up at night. So during the day on a weekend we look like we've been burgled. But we wake up to a home that could be in a magazine! I think it's a nice balance, fun comes first. My rule is never to go to bed with a messy house.

In a weird way if you are always cleaning and keeping things tidy it’s actually less effort and work. People who have to do big 2-3 hour deep cleans at a time think you would have to do that daily to have a spotless house but it’s just taking a minute longer for each individual task so it doesn’t actually feel like more work.

Im like your friend - although only have 1 two year old. Toys must be cleared away throughout the day, we tidy before going out, when we get back I unpack the buggy / car / bags straight away or as soon as possible. I always have a charity shop bag available so anything grown out of goes in there and I drop it off once full. We don’t have a playroom so we want our living room to be toy free for the evening. I find that gradual tidying / cleaning is far easier than leaving it wnd having to spend hours doing it at the weekend: and also my toddler has to join in and she sees it happening

Only way I could function when I had small DC was by being tidy and organised. I had loads of storage and they could get everything out during the day, but every evening we played the "put the toys to bed" game, which as they got older became the "let's tidy up so the unpaid domestic servant doesn't have to do it" game.

I worked and was a single mum, so I just couldn't hack wasting time finding lost stuff or having to tidy up everything all by myself. It was just too depressing to come downstairs after finally getting the DC to bed to have to face hacking my way through toy Armageddon.

I also found that being tidy made keeping the house clean so much easier too. So, I don't have a stuff all over the surfaces in the kitchen or the bathroom etc. I think storage is a bloody godsend and you can't get enough of it!

I don't think there is a right or wrong way though. Each to their own.

I used to be better when we lived in a smaller house actually - I think because we sort of had to be!

But also I think I found it easier when the kids were younger because I would be more often playing with them. Am still good at packing away things like board games. What I find everywhere are things like -

Nerf gun darts - my friend just doesn't allow them and made her son give away the ones he was given for his birthday, it isn't about the gun but the mess

Lego - my son makes little things and leaves them everywhere!

Bits from party bags

Socks - my kids take them off and leave them places

I probably should get more on it with the kids and tidying - but we have quite busy lives, they aren't home until 6pm on schooldays so it's a rush doing dinner, showers, bed so I tend to prioritise having a nice family dinner and bed rooms roughly on time.

I guess a lot of it is about priorities at the end of the day. My friend doesn't bother with family dinners, for example

If i was a child OP, I'd much rather have you as a parent. My mum is/was like your friend.

I find having less is better.
Im a minimlist i only have what i use and need.

OP i think there’s a middle ground between yoy and your friend. Family dinners are very important. Could you all do 5-10 min of power tidy before dinner; everyone is involved; pick a few fun songs and set a timer.

I have a friend like this. No small children though. She says she hates housework so if she keeps on top of it there’s less to do.
It does make sense , I’m not there yet , trying hard though.

Tidy people are always doing. I asked sombody once why is x's house so tidy. Because she never sits down. I'd like to be tidier i'm not prepared to put the effort in. I'm better than I was. Also less stuff helps.

This is going to sound sarcastic but I am dead serious. OP you might have just changed my life. I’ve spent all day tidying and deep cleaning and never know how to keep it tidy afterwards.

I’m like you op.

Yeah this is how I feel.

I would like my house to look like hers but having seen what it takes, I don't think I can be bothered.

I can't imagine coming back from my child's birthday party and leaping straight into putting everything away, I just wanna kick my shoes off and have a cold beer!

I love having a tidy house as much as the next person but I honestly think what you've described sounds absolutely joyless from your friend.

My kids make a mess and have Lego in the sitting room and have been known to throw their socks on the ground. Before they go to bed they tidy up after themselves but it's rarely at show house conditions. I can't imagine standing over them for every little thing like that.

In my case there are only two reasons for an untidy house really, I am either being lazy. Or there isn’t a place for something to go.

so long as those two things are addressed, I always have a tidy house.

I always cleared up with my kids, not for them. That helps.

I am fairly tidy but the way I see it, there will come a day when I no longer find Lego creations in funny places, or a pop up car park for 5 favourite trucks in a corner of my bedroom, or teddies tucked up asleep under a towel, and I’ll miss it. But I am definitely of the put stuff away when home fairly swiftly, but we’re a family of 5 and it’s an uphill battle.

IMO neither way is right or wrong, or morally superior OP- they are just different ways of being.

I have a close friend like yours- she is methodical, routine based and prioritises order and tidiness. She also avoids toys and activities that make tidiness tricky. Her house is immaculate.

I am more like you. I tend to chase the joy, grab it with both hands, shake it hard and forget to neatly tidy it away. I’m more relaxed about tidiness and order, and my routines are very flexible which allows spontaneity and a more carefree way of being. My house is less immaculate and every now and again I have to blitz it.

We are both happy. Sometimes I wish my house was more consistently immaculate, sometimes she wishes she could be more like me- but nothing changes!