Housework

[FedUp100]

I can't be bothered to do any housework anymore.
I'm sick and tired of spending at least 2 hours every single day tidying up, putting things away, clearing up toys, washing, putting away endless piles of laundry, cleaning the kitchen, hovering, sweeping, washing the kitchen floor, cleaning toilet/bathroom etc. etc. etc.
I spend the morning doing all this and no matter how much I do, by the evening my house looks a tip all over again and it looks like I haven't even done anything.
So I've stopped. Completely. And now our house looks like a bombsite.
My husband says it's my job to keep on top of the housework because I only work 20 hours a week whilst he works full time.
I'm so busy looking after my DC aged 2 and 4 years and taking them out and about to give them a nice time, I'd rather concentrate on this than the housework. I wouldn't mind if it stayed looking nice for a few days afterwards but it doesn't!
So I've given up.
But my husband's really annoyed with me for the house being in such a mess!
What's wrong with me?!

Nothing's wrong with you. You just feel unappreciated and rightly so. I admire you for going on strike. Iv recently given this some thought and tried it once but didn't last long lol. I don't work I'm a sahm however my dd is at the stage where I can not do a thing. If I'm in one room cleaning it she's in the next one wrecking it. And I mean wrecking. I get really depressed that I can't get things done. When dh comes home he will want to do his own jobs that need doing, gardening etc so anything I want to do never takes priority. I'm afraid I don't know the answer. Only to talk to family and explain how you feel. In the meantime put your feet up

Would it be helpful to draw up a list ( or use a housework app - they do exist!) of all the tasks that need doing on a regular basis? Then allocate each task to a day / person to do it etc. Some of the tasks can also be done by your DH. Have the list either in paper form up on a wall or on your computer / tablets / phone etc, and you literally tick off jobs as you do them. I found this helped with prioritising what needed doing and what was 'luxury-housework ie non essential' and helped other people in the household realise just what I do all day.

It's unreasonable for your husband to outsource all domestic tasks to you. caring for children is a job in itself (think nursery staff and childminders!). Obviously some things can be done with the children but not everything by any means!

He is taking the Michael!

Also, make it clear that although you can put in more time during the week, at weekends the housework should be equally shared between you and DH. And same for childcare at the weekends. Maybe each of you allocate a 2 hour 'me time' slot every weekend, when you can do whatever you like while the other partner looks after the children and house?

Even if childcare was magically not time consuming in any way, you work half time, and he full time. You do 1/3 of the paid work in the household, so he should do 1/3 of the housework. (I actually think he should do half, so make that AT LEAST 1/3).

I'd love a link to the housework app :)

your DH needs to appreciate what you do and pull his weight a LOT more IMO. You are working and then working more when at home and I'm guessing then working at weekends - nothing is wrong with you, your just fed up of not being appreciated.

I'd write up a rota.
Start with how many gpours he works, then assign a time to jobs that need doing.

So, OH works 40 hours.
OK, you do 40 hours top.

So hoovering: 2 hours
Dusting: 1 hour
Cooking: 7 hours
Child activities: 20 hours
So on and so on.

Tell him youll do 40hpurs and everything left you can split so what does he want to take on?
I think that's fair.

^good plan. Make sure you include things like food shopping, preparing children's lunch, toilet training etc.. They are his kids and if he is going to be obtuse it might need pointing out that if you weren't caring for them (when not at work) he'd have to pay towards some else doing it!

Yes good point. Saggynaggy I already go to work for 20 hours a week so by your calculations that only leaves me another 20 hours of housework and child care to do before I hit my 40 hours of work a week. Blimey, when I think about it in those terms, if I am to include looking after the children, I'm working about 84 hours a week (including my paid employment) with no help whatsoever. In fact on the days after I have been at work all day (I work two 10 hour days) I wake up the next day to more of a mess than ever because no-one has done anything the day before when I was at work. Sometimes I can feel my eyes pricking with tears at the overwhelming-ness of how much I have got to tidy/clean up/wash on those days!!
I will definitely propose a spreadsheet/chart approach to every thing that needs doing. Though my husband states that looking after the children is not 'work', so he stands by his point that I only work 20 hours a week compared to his 40 hours.
However, for the time being I am remaining on strike! (And you should see our house - if we went out and were burgled we wouldn't even realise when we came home lol!!)

Well if looking after the kids isn't work what excuse does he have for doing little of it?

Also , don't propose a spreadsheet, tell him.
"This is how its going to be, if ypu dislike this new system, don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you"

Well, if looking after the kids isn't work he won't mind at all that you are away on a spa break from tomorrow at 6 until Monday morning then.

Agree with PP if he believes it is not work then no issue with him 100% dealing with childcare between the hours of 5.30 and 9am, and all weekend.

Also would like to see him actually be able to work whilst having them around...