Anyone else get fed up of having endless one sided conversations?

[milou2]

I am home educating my younger son. He has been dx with HFA. He goes on and on about the items he wants for Xmas, wanting me to search on the Internet, listen to his plans. After a while I get honest and say I need 10 mins on my own, no talking just peace and quiet. His response is, you don't care, you are not interested in me. Goes off in a huff.

If I just sit and respond to his every piece of one sided conversation I will be teaching him that other people are meant for his use and do not have feelings and wishes of their own.

How do you people out there model responsive parenting but not get walked over? I think I know the answer...you win some you lose some and eventually it will be alright.

Please cheer me up a bit.

My ds is 10 with Aspergers, and can ramble on at Olympic standard . It does get wearing, and I've only just realised (home edding for three weeks) how little time I have for myself now. He's still suffering post-school trauma too, so he's emotionally unstable and unpredictable, which doesn't help .

However, I agree with you that our kids shouldn't be given the impression that they are the centre of everyone's world and can demand their attention, so if it's not convenient or I just can't be bothered to listen to him rattle on about Star Wars bloody Lego some more, I do tell him so and ask him to go to his room for a while and we'll talk later. I have to make it clear that he's not being punished for anything but I think it's the only way he'll learn that people are allowed time on their own away from him.

A timetable helps so I can give him a slot to talk exclusively about Lego - if he knows he gets the chance later he can cope better. I also use a social story about personal space, so he understands that people need to be on their own at times.

Another thing, you could always schedule your ten minutes rest to coincide with BBC schools in the morning, or while he's doing something at the computer. I'm fast learning that I have to take my chances while they're there!

I feel better already!

I went up and watched ds2 play his latest game. I could feel myself get bored and want to start reading a page of newspaper with a story about Aston Martin. Each time I started to half read it I made myself just follow what he was doing. He was so much happier.

So I feel a bit chastened that I am so unable to just 'be' with him when he needs it. I need to work on my chilling out so I can be a good home educator, ie enjoy my free time when it comes along, like now, and enjoy the times when he wants/needs me.

When you mention post-school trauma, it brings back how bad things were for ds2 and how much needed to come out in the weeks and months after deregistration. So he has come a long way already and is dealing with the aftermath of trying his old school again and finding that it wasn't suitable after 2 weeks. So we are 2 months on from a second, much easier, deregistration.

I think scheduling would help. Right now it seems that you're expecting to go with the flow, and be there when he wants you. Perhaps you might give him set times during the day when you're happy to talk about his interests. That way you can remind him that 'it's not time just now' and show him his sharing time on a chart or timetable. Maybe you could take turns, and you can talk about something that interests you. It might take him a while to get used to doing it that way but you'll all gain in the long run.

Also, he'll need to learn about interruption, so get him to say Excuse Me before he speaks so he can be sure he has your attention, and give him loads of praise when he remembers.

I have another useful social story about different people's interests, which has helped my son to understand when he's boring people with his obsessions. We can joke about it now, and he'll often say in mid-ramble "This is dead boring for you, isn't it mam?" Then nine times out of ten he goes back to Star Wars regardless!

Hope you got to finish reading your article!
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