Deregistered son for home education- Worried about form husband signed at school after meeting

[JustUmberWriter]

Hi, I’d really appreciate some advice from experienced home educators about my son’s recent deregistration from primary school for elective home education.

I emailed the school instructing them to remove him from the register after the last day of term and asked for written confirmation. Instead, they called shortly afterwards and requested a meeting with the headteacher, which my husband attended.

At the meeting, they discussed support to keep my son in school, gave information about home education, and then asked my husband to sign a form recording what had been discussed.From what he remembers, the form mentioned that the school suspects SEN, possibly ADHD/autism, although my son has no formal diagnosis. It also referred to concerns about “dangers in his environments”, apparently relating to his occasional difficulty recognising danger.The headteacher also asked whether we would accept LA visits. My husband said yes without giving it much thought, and this was written on the form before he signed it. I would personally prefer all communication with the LA to remain in writing.

My main concerns are whether signing this form could affect or complicate the deregistration/home education process, whether agreeing to LA visits makes them mandatory, and whether the wording about suspected SEN or “dangers” could be used to raise safeguarding concerns.

The school also still has not confirmed in writing that my son has been removed from the register. Is their confirmation required, or is our written deregistration instruction enough?We do not currently have a copy of the signed form, which is what is worrying me most.Many thanks for any advice.

Why wouldn't you thought? Genuine question.

I’m not implying anything about your ability to care for your child.
But surely you can see that mandatory checks that are law, for everyone could potentially be life saving for another child in another, much less desirable situation.
I’m also not a huge believer in the idea that parents always know what’s best for their child or the best way to educate or support them. I don’t claim that I always do and I bell myself to be a pretty good and present parent. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they can be extremely blind to the issues and many things go undealt with. An example I know of personally being a child that is due to start school this September- they are still in nappies, non verbal and unable to interact socially in any way. Their parents see nothing unusual in any of this. All 4 year olds are like this apparently….

It is common sense that children who are not in formal education through parental choice do receive at least periodic visits from an adult outside of their family to ensure well being, this could be in their home or potentially taking place at another location. This is for safeguarding reasons, children have died and/or been abused with being withdrawn from school to cover up the abuse. If all is fine the home Ed team are likely to reduce contact or switch email but at first they do need to get to know your situation. Nobody is saying you aren’t a great parent with excellent intentions but the council do not know this, they have to treat everyone the same.

It's not about whether you are comfortable. Im sure parents who beat the shit out of their kids think it's intrusive but that's precisely why kids need safeguarding because the parents who wave red flags saying they find it intrusive are the ones the local authority should be seeking to enter the homes of.

Regardless of your plans for education, your attitude on this point is unreasonable.

Also the fact you don't have a diagnosis is massively important. Parents who go into denial and don't get a diagnosis screw their kids up for a lifetime. I know this first hand and my parents are picking up the consequences of this whilst also knowing my uncle can't get subject until he reaches a crisis point and it's essentially forced after it's proven that social services have a duty of care. My uncle is 50. That's a lifetime of it causing issues my my grandfather didn't want to address.

This in itself is a form of neglect in my opinion.

Sort your shit out and resolve this in the best interests of your child because ATM your attitude is the biggest threat to your child.

I would definitely assume this, yes.

Especially if the 'reason' given was that the parents feel visits to their home 'feels intrusive'.

As a PP said, if you have nothing to hide then just show it.

You know nothing about me, my family or my circumstances in the slightest. How dare you make assumptions.

Unbelievable.

Thinking you should be above safeguarding because it makes you feel uncomfortable is far more appalling and shocking.

People who insist it should be optional because they are good people are ultimately are responsible for the deaths of children.

Does your husband usually sign forms without reading them, and then not even ask for a copy?

Sorry, but he sounds like a moron.

I can't help but agree with this even though it sounds a bit strong.

I feel it's probably true.

Why would you NOT want an LA visit? Do you not want any support in your Dcs home ed journey? Refusing a visit is a bit of a red flag.

Sometimes it's essential to stay things strongly if they are true even if people don't like hearing it.

We have had too many incidents where the benefit of the doubt has been given. This should never be done on the grounds that someone feels it's intrusive.

That's the point. They want to ensure the home circumstances are satisfactory and as described and not a shit load of lies.

Ensuring children are safe always trumps hurty feelings.

People who refuse home visits initially are precisely the ones the authorities should make every effort to follow up on and not take no for an answer.

Another assumption.

Where have I said I would be isolating my child?

Where have I stated I dont want or wouldn't be utilising different areas of support?

I came on to ask for advice, and have instead been subjected to bullying and dog piling. Apart from the few that have offered genuine feedback and advice.

Absolutely. It makes people complicit. Because they absolutely know the abusers, the inept, the neglectful and the crazies use it to hide what’s going on and they know the la will take issue.

any one else should absolutely be doing everything in their power to ensure they gets these visits, and regularly.

Everyone has been genuine. Not liking the responses doesn’t mean it’s fake. It also doesn’t mean it’s bullying. People feel strongly children shouldn’t be taken out of education and then hidden from the authorities. You should welcome that.

snd I’ve no idea what dog piling is.

The quickest way to get the authorities to back off is actually to engage.

Show them that there is nothing to be concerned about!

Exactly.

Plus most parents get over feeling visitors are 'intrusive' as soon as they have children sharing their home.

If the OP felt her DC's friends coming over for playdates was 'intrusive', would she ban that too?

Never heard the phrase 'dog piling' but I suggest you look up 'bullying' in the dictionary because this really isn't it.

Dog piling is where people are perceived to be collectively ganging up on a poster.

Except this is safeguarding and I do not ever think it is wrong to be firm, direct and spell out the importance and relevance of safeguarding.

Precisely because of the disasters that occur when you turn a blind eye in these situations. You CANNOT AFFORD to 'be kind' in these scenarios.

Look, I can see that you’re very angry at the comments some of us are posting, but some of us are very concerned about safeguarding because we have first hand experience of education. As an educator, it’s an over arching principle to have safeguarding at the heart of everything we do.
You need to take a step back and look at those responses that you don’t like. You have posted on a forum about removing your child from school - we don’t know why you’ve chosen to do that. Your DH has signed a form because you couldn’t attend the meeting, so he must be ok with what school discussed. You want to override him. You want to keep your child away from any external scrutiny. From a safeguarding perspective that is very concerning. People will think ‘what is she hiding’. You’re acting on your personal principles, others are acting on their instincts. Professionals will be acting on first principles of safeguarding.
My question is, do you believe safeguarding is important?

Thank you, never heard that term, and I agree. It’s appalling the op thinks this is bullying or ganging up on her. Simply as many people said the same thing she doesn’t like.

OPs reaction is very telling.

Shes now a "victim" of online abuse, and will use that to stand with her new army of HE-ers.

It isn't bullying when you are pointing out just how important it is to ensure that some children do not come to harm because they've managed to opt out of home visits.

The entire point is that abusers get very good at hiding things if given the slightest opportunity.

Authorities have an obligation to ensure that every single person is check. Regardless of whether someone finds it intrusive or perceives it as an implication that they might be abusive. Tough shit. It's not about the parents not liking it.

Isn't it just.

The slightest challenge.

I know of a family where the mother had kids five years apart. She ended up pulling the eldest from school during his GCSEs because she didn't like the school. He didn't get any qualifications and was effectively made to be dependent on her as a result. She moved out of her council house in with her parents but did not give the new contact address to the groups her children attended. The house was left empty because she wanted to still claim. This in itself was safeguarding issue (she eventually left the group when challenged over this and the group insisting if they had duty of care they needed a contact address and phone number to be current). Her youngest was diabetic and it wasn't managed. It was in such a bad state with the girl at risk of losing toes and eyesight it was resulting in referrals to social services from school. Mum insisted she was caring for her daughter adequately but this clearly wasn't the case and we knew she was actively giving her daughter massive boxes of sweets as part of a subscription service! She pulled her out of school eventually too.

It was clear that it was a problem with mum who was using the kids and was insanely controlling and just was not wanting to address issues (because this would mean she would have to go back to work). Shed freely admitted to me this was why there was a five year gap between them in the first place. This was all just another way to prolong it

It was all about her issues and the kids became victims in it because she was trying to avoid dealing with her own issues.

Dysfunctional doesn't even begin to cover it.

On the face of it she was highly engaged with the kids. In reality she was basically neglecting their needs and hiding from authorities. It was disturbing. And she just kept on about how she was being persecuted.

Anyone who knew her to any level knew that she was the disaster zone.

Anyone home educating should welcome enthusiastically a check from the la. It is so so important these children are not left behind in society. Barely socialised, barely educated. Clueless parents who can’t be arsed much of the time.or simply lack the skills to properly educate in place of teachers.

I understand for some children a visit needs to be managed carefully in line with their needs, but these visits have to happen, for all children, whose parents take them out of education.

there was one woman on here a while ago who home educated, as she commented on it she said she did no academic work at all. Her late primary kid learned through play and just being with her, going for nature walks. Utterly appalling. A child capable of learning, done a life long disservice due to the beliefs of the mother. I assume she also did not accept visits from the la. She proclaimed how happy the child was. Well yeah. They would be. They won’t as an adult.

home educating is a serious commitment, you have to plan, educate yourself and be capable to imparting that knowledge in a way that allows your child to grow, learn, and be able to develop the knowledge base they require. From English to science, from history to geography, you need to know it, understand ir and be able to teach it.

socialised once or twice a week with kids in the same situation, who barely engage with others, I find it all so disturbing. Putting the abusive and neglectful ones aside, you can easily see from many of the comments on line, many of them are simply not educating their child. It’s minimal effort. And they don’t want the la involved as the la points it out to them. So they kick them out, so they can continue to be inept or lazy. Barely doing an hour a day.

i know only one woman who did it right. She has 6 kids and is a primary school teacher, her home when they were primary age was run like a school, she did the job with utter dedication in educating her children, with tailored plans, to work at their pace. And she welcomed all interactions.