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Original poster

DH worrying about losing a child overboard. Is this possible?

35 replies

DonnaNoble · 13/07/2011 20:32

My parents are wanting to take myself, DH, DB, SIL and our 4 children away on holiday for their 40th wedding anniversary. DB wil not fly, so a cruise has been suggested.

The children would be aged between 2 and 8 when we went. DH is not keen as is worried about one of our 3 lively boys deciding to leg it overboard.

Is this a risk? He has got me worrying now and my mum is pretty cheesed off.

OP posts:
thefirstMrsDeVere · 13/07/2011 20:35

I would love to see what people say. Its something that terrifies me and puts me off going on a holiday like this (like I had a chance in hell of going anyway!).

So I await informed replies with interest.

coccyx · 13/07/2011 20:37

Me too, would never consider a cruise as terrified they would go overboard

HSMM · 13/07/2011 20:38

We thought about a cruise when our DD was small and I started having nightmares about it, so we have saved it for this year. She will be 12 and I will still be watching her like a hawk. She ics been on a couple of ferries to France and survived.

TheOriginalFAB · 13/07/2011 20:43

I don't blame your mother for being cheesed off. She wants to treat you all and your dh is putting a downer on it. However I totally get where he is coming from and you need to decide what the best thing is to do. It is often said that some things are not worth the battle but this is different as a DC could go over board.

You will have to keep an extra firm eye on all the children and make sure every one knows who is responsible for which child.

JoyceBarnaby · 13/07/2011 20:43

You'd have to throw them pretty hard, possibly like a hammer or discus - but with practice, you could probably manage it!!

Or, if you're worried they might try it themselves, I say it's quite unlikely. I've been on a couple of cruise ships and, IME, even if someone managed to get over the railings, they'd land on the deck below. I think the lowest deck is private balconies, possibly even inaccessible to passengers.

However, I haven't been on a ship since having children so I haven't got specific experience of this. I would seriously consider phoning the travel company for reassurance if you need it - I'm sure they've heard similar concerns before!

Desiderata · 13/07/2011 20:46

The news is full of tragic stories of children going overboard, ain't it?

Nope.

No wonder your mother's pissed off.

RedHotPokers · 13/07/2011 20:47

Not been on a cruise with kids, but have been on a large ferry.
I do think that a small child could squeeze through the railings and go over board in theory, so you would need to watch them carefully. But as long as you keep a close eye on them on deck they would be fine, and there should be plenty of indoor space for them to run free!

JoyceBarnaby · 13/07/2011 20:47

Just wanted to say that if you're really worried, you won't relax so it's probably not worth it. You have to be able to enjoy yourself.

Geordieminx · 13/07/2011 20:48

Totally totally not likely at all.

Never going to happen unless you picked them up and threw them.

We took ds away on our first cruise last September, he was just 3. It was the best holiday ever, without exception, wonderful friendly staff that would go out of their way to help, beautiful ful scenery, and amazing food. Was fab!

Any other questions just ask, but you will have a wonderful time

JoyceBarnaby · 13/07/2011 20:52

Another thought - for many cruise liners you can usually get DVDs that give you a virtual tour of the ship. P&O offer some online, I think. Seeing the ship might reassure you that there aren't danger areas. Cruise liners are quite sophisticated, so I think you'll be pleasantly surprised and reassured.

I'm quite jealous, by the way, DH and I LOVED our cruise holidays!!

Mollyfloss · 13/07/2011 20:55

It is highly unlikely they will go overboard but that won't stop you worrying so it won't be much of a holiday. We rented a house with a pool once and I spent the entire time worrying about my 2 year old (especially as the first day she went under for 2 seconds, whic visually was disturbing enough), When inside I checked the doors were locked every 2 seconds and when near the pool I could not relax at all. The results is I won't be renting a huse with a pool until my kids are fabulous swimmers (they are learning to swim on a weekly basis). The risks are obviously higher with a pool but you'll still probably worry too much and even if it is a bit irrational your Mum should understand your DH's fear. Couldn't you fly somewhere, let DB take the boat and meet them at the destination. Surely there is a way to make everyone happy. (How come your Mum isn't cheesed off at DB not willing to fly - how is his irrational fear acceptable and not your DH's?)

thisisyesterday · 13/07/2011 20:56

the thing is, if there is even the slightest possiblity that a child could squeeze through railings/climb over stuff then it isn't worth it because you will just spend the entire time trailing around after them and worrying.

it's easy if you have one child, maybe even 2. but I know what it's like with 3 small boys and trying to keep an eye on ALL of them. it's certainly not going to be a relaxing holiday lol

i can really understand why your DH is concerned. As previous posters have said though, it may be that it really is impossible for them to get anywhere near the side, in which case you'd probably be just fine.
But if it's going to be a cause of anxiety then I'd maybe talk to them about other locations?

thisisyesterday · 13/07/2011 20:57

could you not take a sleeper train over to the continent for example? orient express if they're loaded?? lol

or go away in this country? there are beautiful areas of the UK.

It's difficult, and I think your mum will have to accept that it's going to be very hard to please everyone tbh

GwendolineMaryLacey · 13/07/2011 21:00

We go transatlantic regularly with four children aged between 18 months and 2 and have never lost one overboard. In fact, allowing for the fact that the North Atlantic is choppier than most, none of our children could actually open the door to get out on deck, even I had trouble. Balconies are of a non child climbable height and they wouldn't fit through the railings.

Trust me, I wouldn't risk my little Houdini on a 7 day Atlantic crossing if there were any chance of her accidentally walking the plank.

suzikettles · 13/07/2011 21:01

I think you owe it to your mum to explore this fear a bit further.

Is it likely? Is it even possible? Is there anything you can do to minimise the (even tiny) risk?

But, as a previous poster said, it's no more irrational than your brother's fear of flying...

GwendolineMaryLacey · 13/07/2011 21:02

Sorry, that should read 18 months and 8!

suzikettles · 13/07/2011 21:05

I was worried about our swimming pool this holiday and then discovered that it's now the law for all pools in France to have alarms, plus we prepared ds (4) with ground rules about noone being allowed at the pool on their own and were lucky that he was more frightened by the idea of the alarm going off than he was curious about the water...

Can you contact the cruise line and ask about how safe it is for children/what precautions they have to make it impossible for there to be this sort of accident?

What other holidays do you go on? What risks exist with those (eg child falling out of a window)? Do you think a dc is more or less at risk? Why?

Lollyheart · 13/07/2011 21:10

I doubt very much that that would happen, I understand stand the fear tho, I dread having to go on a train with my dcs, I worry the will fall on the tracks, but when we are getting on a train it's never as bad as I fear, does that make sense lol.

Georgimama · 13/07/2011 21:13

I am amazed at the existence of people who apparently spend their lives gripped with fear that their children will go under train tracks, over the sides of ferries etc.

Hassled · 13/07/2011 21:14

I think they'd have to work really really hard to go overboard. And presumably at those ages they're not going to be roaming free, are they? An adult will be with them.

BUT - if you're fretting and your DH is fretting, then it's not going to be much fun for you.

Re the "will not fly" - how cast in stone is that? Any room for manoeuvre? GP will prescribe something to keep him calm during the flight.

Other than that, looks like the shuttle to France and a drive/train to somewhere - could the rest of the family fly and you meet them wherever?

Original poster
DonnaNoble · 13/07/2011 21:57

Wow thanks for the swift replies. To answer a couple of questions, DB has a longstanding flying phobia so when the idea of a family holiday was suggested it was never an option. My parents are not loaded, but mum has been planning this huge holiday for ages. I can see that's it's going to be hard to please everyone though!

My boys are lively, boisterous and quite over excitable to be honest. Nothing unusual there i guess. It's generally hard to have a relaxing holiday with them. So far we have either been to cottages in England in the pouring rain, or twice we have been to a hotel in the Canaries. A villa with a pool would worry me too much until they are older and better at swimming. Generally though it's DH that panics more than me. I can see his point though the 3 year old is a particular muppet !

Anyway mum is bring the brochure and holiday details over tomorrow so I will report back then.

OP posts:
Original poster
DonnaNoble · 13/07/2011 21:59

Oh meant to add when we did go to hotel abroad DH insisted on ground floor room due to safety. As it happens the week we were away a little boy died after climbing over a balcony. Not in our hotel but it was in the news.

OP posts:
Mollyfloss · 15/07/2011 21:56

Georgimama: It sounds like you think worriers are a bit ridiculous. I wouldn't say most people are gripped with fear for their children but parents generally do worry a lot, it's natural. In a way because we worry we pay attention and often that is what keeps kids safe although you can't protect them from everything.

Donnannoble: I get your husband with the balcony thing. It does happen although rarely and if you can stay on the ground floor then it's one less worry.

Mollyfloss · 15/07/2011 22:31

Georgimama: It sounds like you think worriers are a bit ridiculous. I wouldn't say most people are gripped with fear for their children but parents generally do worry a lot, it's natural. In a way because we worry we pay attention and often that is what keeps kids safe although you can't protect them from everything.

Donnannoble: I get your husband with the balcony thing. It does happen although rarely and if you can stay on the ground floor then it's one less worry.

ebbandflow · 15/07/2011 22:39

Personally I'd be worried sick, and be relieved that your DH is against the idea.