Uni first year flatmate issues

[PlainFullFat]

Did is in her first year at uni and enjoying it, making friends etc but has a problem with her flatmates in that some of them come back drunk with a load of friends at all times of the night and run up and down the shared corridor, banging on doors and walls and screaming.

She’s obviously a bit fed up with this and I don’t know what advice to give her on how to approach this with the others. If it happened as a one-off then fair enough but as ongoing behaviour it’s inconsiderate and a bit childish! I know how quickly things can escalate in situations like this and I don’t want her to have to live in a tense situation (whilst struggling to sleep) and that is also costing a small fort for her to live there (2 hours drive from home). Would be grateful for some advice, thanks in advance.

Join them :—-) ?

Firstly I would suggest ear plugs.

Secondly, can she talk to the other flatmates who aren't doing this and see if they are also annoyed.

Does she get on them with outside of this or are they generally inconsiderate?

She gets on with them and has a white noise machine, which is better than ear plugs. They are never going to be real friends though as all already have large social groups (some of them were in boarding school together). I suppose she could encourage her friends to behave this way when she brings them round but that just seems a bit weird tbh. The noise in general isn’t a problem, it’s the banging on walls and screaming - hard to ignore that.

My DD had this . It only got worse and the Residents team did nothing. She failed exams due to all night parties going on the night before and ended up moving out by February. They wouldn’t even allow us out of our contract. She fell so far behind she is having a year out as a dormant student to catch up on assignments and resit an exam.

You need to fight this now and get her transferred to another flat asap. We thought it would get better but it didn’t.

Maybe they will calm down as they settle down a bit more but much sympathy to your daughter as it sounds miserable.

I imagine if she says something it will make things worse so either she hopes it gets better or she requests a transfer as previous poster mentioned.

How many in the flat and how many of them are the problem?

6 in the flat in total, 4 boys who already know each other. I think it’s been made worse this weekend as DD is ill in bed (and they all know).

What on earth are they doing to bang on the walls? Handstands against the walls? Drunkenly falling into the walls?

I would probably ask to be moved. If they have all come from the same boarding school, they won't want or need to make friends with your child, and group mentality will mean they have very little respect for anyone inconvenienced by their immaturity unfortunately.

It sounds like there are only really 2 approaches that will work here, either hope that they get bored/grow out of it soon enough or ask to move. She can ask them to stop but if they make up x4 of the 6 then it’ll likely fall on deaf ears. No harm in asking though, obvs.

Your daughter needs to keep a log of the noise as this is 'Anti Social Behaviour' and should be action on by the landlord.
The perpetrators are at risk of eviction so maybe a talking to by the landlord would be enough to control the running and shouting.
Be mindful that there may be some come back from the bad girls for grassing on them.
This is one of the pitfalls of large, 6 plus, student flats. Hope she learns and finds a quite house for her future years.

Complain to the management of the accommodation and keep complaining till they stop. I agree with a PP they are so focused on their own little gang of buddies they have no interest in anyone outside and aren’t going to stop just because she asks. She needs to get the management to deal with it.

Film it, even from inside the room as the noise will travel, document the times etc and when they are all hungover she needs to tell them that it is disrupting her sleep and to stop. Document the conversation, she can also secretly record it for her own note taking later.

If it continues after that then report it to whoever is in charge of her accommodation, provide the video evidence. There will be a clause in the tenancy agreement about behaviour impacting other residents, find this clause to quote it at the landlord.

Sadly a lot of unis will say they are adults and they need to learn to resolve conflict, but it helps if parents get involved as parents are the ones paying it. If she does report this to the landlord in the same conversation ask about how she gets a room transfer. That shows she is serious. There are also student behaviour codes from the university itself which she can ask her student services for advice on or the student union. It will not be the first time this has happened.

Usually it calms down when they have been a uni for a bit. The novelty of living away from home and being a dick wears off. Ds's term only started 5th October.

Thanks everyone, this has been helpful, I appreciate your comments.

My DD had similar when she was in 2nd year working as a resident assistant in 1st year halls. She complained to warden early on and they were warned but it backfired on her (and escalated from just noise to booting her door on the way past and shouting at her thru the walls). Warden didn’t take seriously said just high jinks which would calm down with time and hazard of being a resident assistant. I wish I’d got involved earlier. She managed to record them and when she played it to me I called the accommodation office immediately - she wasn’t safe. She was moved (to more luxurious halls) and the uni disciplinary process instigated. She found her department’s welfare officer super in supporting and wished she’d spoken to her after the accommodation warden failed to deal with it.

Is a move to a different flat a possibility? I’d get her to speak to accommodation services. It may settle down but no guarantee so worth exploring a move.

Perhaps she could ask if any of the friends they keep bringing back want to swap rooms with her?

Oh god if four are already mates from school I think she would be wise to ask for a transfer asap.

Best to try and move to another accommodation. Banging on doors and screaming in the middle of the night is quite extreme.

Simplest fix is to ask for a flat transfer ASAP. Being stuck with four people who already know each other isn't a good option.

She's at uni, thats what happens Next year she can ensure she shares with other quiet individuals but in the meantime some good quality ear plugs

I don’t think it’s inevitable. It sounds more due to the fact they know each other so it’s naturally become let’s come back to our flat.
There will be flats that are less full on party. Being odd one out of others know each other from school isn’t easy.
Someone will have dropped out by now so other rooms should be free to move to.

Ask to change rooms now. Its the time some students will be dropping out of uni, so start the process asap.

At DS's uni there is a form they can fill in if they want to move flats. It may be worth her asking the accommodation team.

What immature idiots. Coming back late in high spirits is to be expected but banging on doors is absolutely not ok. I am fine with noise but that would make me feel really threatened and jumpy. I would encourage her to call a house meeting and raise it with them - if this doesn't work then definitely go to the accommodation office and ask to be moved. Lots of first years drop out in the first weeks so there will be empty rooms elsewhere.

She can definitely put in a request to be moved as it’s too noisy and is disrupting her studies, the earlier the better. Good luck.

I think she should put in a request to be moved.

I had this in college in my first year and I ended up reporting it to the college welfare team who sent out letters to everyone reminding them and they also increased the number of visits by the porters to my block. Offenders were then caught in the act and warned. The 5 people who were the worst weren't allowed back in college accommodation for the rest of their degree.

The danger is of course that it could backfire if it's obvious it was her. In my case it could have been any one of several people on my corridor or the corridor below.