What % of nottingham uni freshers struggle in first weeks/months?

[hursty900]

impossible question I know, but seeking some anecdotal feedback - good & bad- on how the first few weeks of freshers really is. Ideally at Nottingham uni - but all experiences welcome! Is it more normal than not for kids to just get stuck in & adapt easily? It was for me/ my cohort decades ago but seem to hear a lot about them struggling & being lonely nowadays??

I don't have particular experience of Nottingham but I think that most students are okay. But where they're not, or even where they just need a little reassurance, Universities are more geared up to being supportive: I think, for example, that it's now common for universities to run a 'Wobble Week' which happens about a month into semester/term. You could Google to see if Nottingham have such activities. Their Student Union website might show more generally what's going on on the social fronts.

I am not at Nottingham either, but at a good RG university. Over the years I would say that probably 35% of my Y1 tutees initiate a private conversation expressing self doubt during their first semester.

Many of these students are actually quite strong and present with an air of self confidence.

They do have lots of events on and not just during freshers they have lots more during Wobble Week.

My DC was ok but I don’t think it’s been their favourite time at Uni. They are quite social or though so we’re going out a fair bit and they’re also in a high contact course so with lectures, studying, cooking and going out there’s not a lot of down time.

I think some do struggle when they haven’t realised that actually they may be spending a fair bit of time alone.

Nottingham grad here. I think it’s easier on campus unis and catered halls tbh !

No particular knowledge of Nottingham, but I think it is pretty normal for all 1st years to have a wobble or a down time at any point in the first 6 - 8 weeks or so.

They tend to have been on a bit of a high, having got the results they needed to go, then there is a 'busy-ness' of prep and planning to go. Then it is very, very normal for them to start worrying if they don't feel they have met a 'best friend' or 'a great group of friends' in the first couple of weeks.
Then it is normal for them to get ill - and it is the first time they have dealt with that without Mum on hand
Then they will not be home for someone's birthday or other occasion and it hits them they are actually missing you
They are often dealing with drinking without anyone monitoring them for the first time, and dealing with shopping and cooking (tho I know a lot of Nttm is catered), and washing, and having to think about planning their week, possibly also trying to find a job, learning to budget.
On top of that they have arrived at university and their new course which will be being taught very differently from being at school.

It's a lot.

I think it would be unusual to not have a wobble at some point.

Appears there was no need to worry.. after initial tears & fears, she’s thrown herself into everything & is settling in just fine!

That’s good news @hursty900and it’s such a lovely week for them weather wise. The campus must look glorious.

Do be prepared for wobble week but they do have a lot of support for the students around that time

Completely normal I think. I enjoyed freshers week much more in my second year where I already knew people, than in my first year where I was trying to get to know them and wondering if I’d made the right choice coming there! After about a term I felt much more at home, made some lovely friends and enjoyed myself. Before that I thought about coming home a lot

Is there a freshers week in second year? My dd went back a week later! Nothing organized for second year but you could help out at freshers week.

Catered halls with old fashioned dining helps. Avoids dc hiding in rooms.

Ds has just started at uni (not Nottingham). He seems to be doing ok, but struggling during the day. No one seems to be about, everyone is shut in their rooms and he doesn’t feel he can knock on. I didn’t go to uni, but SIL did. She reckons the ensuite and heavy fire doors are the problem as they don’t have to venture out of their rooms as much and as it’s difficult to prop the door open, you are less accessible to others when your door is closed.

@Sunshine5791 I do think hiding in rooms gaming etc is a huge issue. It used to be the case that students met up in a communal kitchen or dining hall. These days so few bother to do anything communally. My DD found this with some international students and had certainly encountered it at school, but freshers week is designed to get students out of their rooms. If they don’t and behave like hermits, it difficult for the more gregarious ones. A bit sad too really.

En-suite rooms. Non catered. Fire doors. Smaller flats not long corridors. Plus phones and Xbox etc
Design increases likely isolation imo

when I was at uni, no phones, catered, communal eating, communal tv watching, went to hall bar to meet up etc

Dd started Nottingham last year absolutely loves it. She was in catered and made lots of friends. She said catered was best because you can socialise outside your flat which is harder in self catered.

Her lovely new best friend was in a next door hall but her floor was boys who stated they didn’t want to befriend girls and the girls had serious boyfriends at home so she was initially lonely. This girl was able to meet DDs group at the shared meals and has been absorbed into their gang.

@ifonlytheydlisten You can still have all of that in the old fashioned catered halls at some universities. My DD1 had exactly that at Bristol but I’m not sure if Nottingham has the same set up available. I think in a few halls? Getting vouchers for the cafe isn’t quite the same.

I think some students don’t want to mix and do anything much with others. I’ve never heard of anyone being singled out because they have a boyfriend at home. That’s very odd and there must have been girls in that hall so why diverge boys dictate anything?

@MeetMeOnTheCorneryep my original post was that Nottingham is probably less ‘lonely’ as a result. The later comment is a broader observation re newer style halls

My dd has just started at Nottingham and I agree with everything that people have said re: how much more isolating and difficult the university experience is now. She had thought about catered halls, but went for self-catered at Broadgate Park as she couldn't imagine not having a kitchen.

She's thrown herself into going out and meeting people,and the people in her flat are friendly. She's in a flat of 6 with another flat of 6 right next door and there seems to have been a lot of cross-flat socialising. She's met some people on her course and went out with them one night. It's as good as it's going to get for the moment tbh.

We've had lots of teary phone calls that she hates it, other people have made good friends and she hasn't, she can't work out all the Freshers Week 'socials' and what's on where. She's shattered, hungover and overwhelmed. She keeps saying that she wants to come home/can't cope etc. She's booked a train ticket home for later on today (we're about 2.5 hours away).

I've been taking the line that, exactly as someone said upthead, it's a huge adjustment and it's perfectly normal to have lots of wobbles. She's doing really well and there's no fast track to having a secure group of friends and knowing what you're doing. Also, that she should think about speaking to someone in Student Support as that's literally what they're there for.

She says that she can't stop thinking that people don't like her and this is making her very anxious. She's always been resistant to any sort of professional help, but she did have a few sessions of EMDR before she went, which really did seem to turn the dial down a bit, help her think and do things even when they felt uncomfortable and difficult.

I think coming home for the first weekend isn't a good decision. It won't help getting to know people and university feeling more famiilar, and I'm concerned that she won't go back. On the other hand, I can hear that she is overwhelmed and exhausted, and maybe a rest at home for a couple of days will be helpful?

I don't know. She's always been very fearful, and gets frustrated with herself and she wants to be a happy-go-lucky, confident person. She took a year out and worked/did voluntary work, which did her a lot of good. She really wanted to go travelling, but wasn't brave enough to book onto one of those Gap Year schemes. Totally understandable, but it does mean that being away from home has happened all at once.

Sorry this is so long. Anyone been in a similar situation or can advise?

TIA

@feelthefearanddoitanyway so sorry to hear this. Afraid I have no practical advice except to stick it out as things will likely shift with friendships once the academics kick in… but also I am of the opinion that if a situation is truly making you miserable then life’s too short to suffer it. Maybe say to her to give it until Xmas & then decide… Sometimes just knowing that can help. It must be incredibly hard to support when your heart must just want to scoop her up.

Thanks. Yes, we've spoken a few times about it taking longer thàn one week to decide whether it's for her or not.

We had a long chat this afternoon where she was much more receptive. I could hear in her voice how wobbly she is. She's decided to stay this weekend and has gone out with her flatmates.

We'll take one day at a time.

@feelthefearanddoitanyway as the parent of an ND child maybe a weekend at home to decompress and sleep is ok. As long as it’s a 48 hour break

I don’t mean that your DC is ND. Just that the feeling of overwhelm is awful. A weekend bolt hole visit isn’t a failure

Yes, I agree. She does have some ND traits, one of which is absorbing everything going on around her. She finds it difficult to filter stimuli out. She's also an introvert and needs time to decompress.

She said yesterday that she's been putting herself under pressure to be sociable all the time and not given herself permission to just relax in her room and watch something on her laptop. She identified that this has contributed to the overwhelm.

She's never been interested in pursuing a diagnosis and she has done amazingly well during her gap year working in busy, loud, chaotic environments and thriving.

It is INCREDIBLY hard to hear her in this state and not jump in the car (I did offer, as did her dad), but I do also think that with support, she can do this. I'll be at the end of the phoñe as much as she needs me to be.

I agree with pp that Uni is more isolating now. As well as the factors mentioned, there’s also the combo of low contact hours courses but online libraries - I did a v low contact course but to do my reading had to go to the library so I did leave my room/ chat to people I saw all the time. Now I could just read it all online. Plus the rise in commuters does impact extra curricular and social engagement- not blaming the commuters as finances are obviously a major consideration but realistically they’re not going to commute in for evening societies/ sports practices and if the resident students disappear back to their halls in the daytimes then there’s less incentive for them to stick around for a full day so becomes a bit of a reinforcing pattern.

I guess Uni is reflective of wider society in that there are multiple factors resulting in greater isolation. It’s still possible to be really sociable but it’s harder work and if you get a bad flat/ course it must be pretty depressing initially.

@feelthefearanddoitanyway I think the pressure to socialise is real. But loads won’t want to. Plenty will just want to chill

For a child having a wobble it is not really recommended for them to come home because the worry is they might not go back, far easier to just stay in the familiar. Instead if possible the parent/parents go and see them at their university and support them like that. Plus there are places to turn at uni from personal tutors to student support so encourage them to engage with that.

@AllJoyAndNoFun I completely agree. When I went to uni you had to leave your room to attend all lectures so there were masses of us walking towards lecture halls so you didn't feel alone. All the entertainment was outside your room apart from a stereo. Most of us didn't have even a portable TV. It meant we were out of our rooms.

Now with a laptop, streaming tv, online lectures etc means you don't have to venture out as much and easier to just hide in your room. I wish they would make attending lectures compulsory for at least the first term. Ds said his lecture went from 200 attending to just 22 at the the end of first year. Appalling for the person giving the lecture when your students can't even be arsed to attend.