Advice for staying f at home and going to uni

[HollyhockDays]

DS got into his first choice of which is our local uni - literally five minutes from our house. DH and and I kinda wanted him to go away to get more of a “university experience”. He will be living at home.

Do you think this is a poorer option? Is there anything we can done make it more like a proper experience. I’m worried it will be like an extension of going to school.

As long as he joins societies and gets involved in uni life he should be ok . A lot of students commute .

Does the uni have halls and can you afford supporting him to live out year one? Or are you trying to minimise costs/debt? I think it’s far more normal now that a % of students are living at home … what does your DS want to do?

There’s no way we would pay for him to live literally 10 minutes away. We can look at options for next year. He’s happy staying at home in the meantime or seems to be!

I mentioned societies and got an eye roll

He won’t be poorer for missing out on additional financial worries, dealing with dodgy flatmates, filthy kitchen and lack of sleep from noisy halls. He could always live out for one year if he wants to experience it. Other than that it would be more about making that transition at home to being more independent.

My DS stayed at home, and a friend of his stayed at home for year 2 and 3 as he was only in 3 half days, so decided to commute.

I think there are a lot of meet ups etc for commuting students. There are so many more of them now. He may eye roll now at societies but once he's got caught up in the Freshers week stuff he may join loads.

My daughter is staying home. She has mixed feelings about missing the 'uni experience' but has a boyfriend of two years, a weekend job she lives so is happy to stay. I've suggested she attend Freshers Fair, get involved but I'm not holding my breath

A third of students now live at home. It really isn’t unusual these days given how costs have grown. He’ll be fine.

Good idea to join a few clubs. There will also be WhatsApp groups already for people starting this year- he should join those as that’s often where social plans get made early on.

My DD went away but my DS is staying at home and going to our local uni 2 miles away. I think this was the right choice for both of them. My DS is still ‘young’ - he was still 17 when he did his A levels and has only just turned 18 - and another year or two at home will do him no harm. At the moment I’m not sure he would be ‘ready’ to leave.

He could go into halls but they’d be almost £9k for the year and while we could afford it, it’s an expense I’m glad I don’t have to pay. If he wants to share a house next year or the year after we’ll support him then. He has quite a lot of friends going to the same uni and I’ll be encouraging him to join clubs and societies.

It is such a shame, for people like your son.

When university was affordable he would have got the chance to grow up, if he is too 'young' to move into halls he is too young for the rigours of uni.

I do understand why people stay due to funds but the biggest issue is parents still treating their adult children like they are at school.

If they stay at home they have to be allowed to grow up, so yes there needs to be house rules but you can't enforce curfews for example.

My Dd stayed home first year and then flat share for last two. That could be an option.

Living out in year 2/3 is an option. We are also going to pay his fees to keep debt down.

I think it’s fine if he's going to get involved and actively make friends on his course, and you’re happy for his uni friends to come round etc.
I mean part of it is the experience and independence, plus many friendships are made in halls, but it’s so expensive these days, so saving costs is a factor. Maybe he can live out for 2nd/3rd years.

Agree with joining clubs and societies etc. Would he have the opportunity to study abroad for a year? That would be a great way to get some of the 'away from home' experience.

A high % students now opt to stay home if local uni good. I have mixed feelings on it for my DC in a couple years. The debt is a big consideration v the experience. But uni isn’t like it was when I went. We didn’t have phones etc so made friends in halls and it was all catered in first year & shared bathrooms etc. Now some halls are quite isolating with students staying in bedrooms on gaming / Netflix / social media interacting with their old mates! Not all have a great time

I do agree with this. I have supported a student who is in halls but no one leaves their rooms- they don't socialise at all. (We managed to move her to a more sociable area)

I have seen people live at home very successfully, I think the biggest challenge is for the parents and navigating being a parent of adults.

This is normal where we live. He can still move out if he wants.

One of mine stayed at home. She wanted the degree and not the ‘experience’. She had a job, a life, made some friends, we get on well so no issues with her living here.

My nephew lived at home and commuted, I have to say he didn’t make any friends or have a particularly enriching experience. It was all quite disappointing. However this may be due more to the demographic of the course than the living at home itself (Maths) and the fact he isn’t particularly a ‘joiner’.
My two both lived in halls/student houses which we were lucky to afford and had great experiences, it was worth every penny. I know it doesn’t always work out for everyone that way.

If he moves he has 25k extra debt…why not stay at home

There should be no debt if you pay his fees and he lives at home…why would he take any?