Level of contact with uni DC

[WhyOhWine]

I wondered how much contact people have with their DC who are at uni (once they have settled in, so I guess this is aimed more at people with DC who are in their second or third year or later).

I have 2 in 2nd year (one had a gap year). I just got thinking because DD2 had a reading week this week and did not come home (she stayed at uni for a bit then visited friends at another university). Last year they both came home for reading weeks and holidays (although in summer both had various trips away).

I speak to both for one longish call a week and then maybe a couple of brief calls (e.g with specific questions or one might call when she is walking somewhere on their own) and the odd social media message (often photos of the dog).

The level of phone contact is probably similar to last year once they got past first term but the lack of visit during reading week does feel like a further stride to independence.

Some of my friends have DC who seem to be home every other weekend, and others barely hear from theirs during term time, so i wondered what the norm was.

It’s a sign she’s really happy and enjoying herself

so i would be happy and relieved (but also sad not to have seen her, although did you visit?)

Some of my friends have DC who seem to be home every other weekend, and others barely hear from theirs during term time, so i wondered what the norm was.

you answer your own question. There is no “norm”

Ds now doing his masters, someone in the family hears from him once a week but calls not so often. He comes home end of each term but this summer he had his house still so stayed at uni and worked so we did not see much of him. He is happy and fine. I do wish he would call more but if I ring he chats away!

Depends what they want and how much they want it 🙄 If I don't hear I just spam them with cat photos or insta memes and recipes.

DS1 is just over two hours away. Third year. He won't be home until Xmas. He FaceTimes once a week and texts maybe two or three times a week, probably more recently as we are communicating re his applying for graduate jobs.
DS2 is also two hours away, first year. Has just been home for reading week. Also FaceTimes once a week. Replies to texts but doesn't tend to instigate.

I have one in second year - he’s hopeless at getting in touch - we get random WhatsApp messages and occasional replies to our messages but have to practically book in a call with him! I know he’s happy and really busy so all good. And I know he knows he can contact us if something’s not right

We contact each other when we need to and when we want to. Not every day... (but sometimes every day) not even every week sometimes. But if it goes too long, (couple of weeks) I do a WhatsApp asking if they are alive (2 final year daughters).

I used to phone home about once a fortnight when I was a student, rarely used to come home in holidays either aside from Christmas and the occasional weekend, but I had a decent warning part time job that I didn't want to lose by buggering off home.

This was before the days of mobiles so I'm sure WhatsApp etc would have been more frequent.

I have a second year. I hear a couple of times a week, more if he's putting off doing an essay, if there's a problem or if there's some particularly juicy gossip.

It can go 10 or so days though if he's just busy and happy.

i don't mind that she has not come home - as has been said it shows she is happy and confident. I was just curious if it was a sign of things to come (we are in London and they both have friends studying in London so i thought that might mean they would be home more than i went home to my small town when i was at uni as my school friends were not particularly local and also didn't go home much and it was hard to find temp work)

As PPs have said, there is no norm.

For one thing, it depends how close to home the uni is. I lived 2 hours away from home, I didn’t often go home during holidays or weekends as I also got a job. Some of my friends did go home more often though.

Not always. My DDs hardly ever made contact or came home at weekends whilst at Uni, they were too busy having fun. However, my nephew, who also rarely called home, was busy acquiring an addiction to speed, then heroin.

Id say, keep up the messages / photos / calls but dont always expect it to be reciprocated! I used to pop over to visit them every other week. I say ‘visit’ loosely, it mainly consisted of me taking them to the supermarket, then to lunch, then cleaning their rooms 😂

We'd text each other briefly every day, just to say "morning" and "night night" if nothing else. We'd also facetime maybe every other day.

He went to Uni in Sept 20, so Covid affected him, he was in his flat most of the first term, not only because there was no face to face teaching and the common rooms were locked, but flat mates got covid on two occasions, so he had 2 times 2 weeks of isolation too! I think that set the scene for regular facetimes as he was bored out of his mind and very upset/depressed at being stuck in his tiny cell-like room! It just became habit for him to facetime us pretty regularly which remained the "norm" through years 2 and 3!

So whilst we didn't see much of him in person, we "saw" him a lot over Facetime which was really good.

I just got thinking because DD2 had a reading week this week and did not come home (she stayed at uni for a bit then visited friends at another university).

Same here and I love seeing her so independent and enjoying herself! We FaceTime lots but there are quite a few on Campus that have stayed for reading week and they all seem to be hanging out together.

I did tell her today though that I expect her home for Xmas day - or else! 😅

Even when I was at university in 1980s , myself, my siblings and friends not went home at holidays, and very occasional big family events like significant birthdays, a funeral (once).
I regarded it as a waste of my money which I didn’t have that much of 😱🤷🏼‍♀️🤣
My kids were same.

But there again I encouraged them to be at universities that weren’t on doorstep just like we were in 1980s. We’d see them during hols and that as about it.

tbh, with our family background of this being the norm, I’d have been very worried if one of dc had started to come home often at weekends 😢🤔🫤, I’d take it as sign they weren’t settled or lacked friends there.

I know at 18-21 who I wanted to spend time with and it certainly wasn’t my parents at that stage 🤣🤣🤣🤣

DS is in Y2 and I can tell how happy he is as he doesn’t contact us that often. Last year was difficult for a few reasons and we had more contact so I’m really pleased this year. We probably do a family FaceTime once every couple of weeks and chat on the family WhatsApp 3 times a week or so.

We send cat pictures and videos and he sends pictures of his food.

He is a very long way away so won’t see him til Christmas.

God, I really feel for students of Covid times they’ve had such a bloody awful and abnormal experience .
yep, this is the one exception that I’d too be ringing and concerned about to face time etc.

I hope that they move forwards now and thrive in life 💐

@SooperOuting we get photos of the dinner ds has cooked too 🤣

We get pics of culinary efforts as well, and they usually look good, although earlier this evening, I got a message from DS2, asking whether it was okay to eat pesto on toast...

(He is better at cooking than remembering to go to the shops🙄)

DS is yr2 and a couple of hours away. He has come home twice this term but it's not primarily to see us! First time was for a sports event and the second time his driving test. He has no plans to come again before the xmas holiday. We/he message around twice a week usually to update on matches. DS doesn't phone or facetime but I will call after a fortnight or so just to get a bit more out of him.

My dd is in years 2, she doesn’t really contact me at all, I try and message her once or twice a week but she’s often ‘too busy’, I haven’t spoken to her at all this week, I will probably message her Sunday evening as she’s less likely to be busy. I have seen her once since she went back but she would happily not see me again until Christmas. Dd never comes home for readers week and will probably hang around at uni until a couple days before Christmas.

My oldest will most likely start Uni in 2024. Reading this thread makes me realise how unprepared I am for the change. Not that she speaks to.me much, but she's only in her bedroom 😅

I'd better make the most of her this year. She's gradually remembering that I'm actually a human being and finding out snippets of my life pre-kids

My DS graduated this year but we sent WhatsApp messages most days (plus the culinary photos - seems that's quite a thing ) plus a phone call once a week or so. We would visit maybe once a term ... loved the city he was in so it was as much for a weekend away as well as visiting him. He didn't come home during the term ... never had a reading week.
Was a nice balance of keeping in touch but being proud he was happy and independent.

Mine did a 4 year course. First year came home for all the holidays (they didn't have reading weeks.) Second year was Covid. Third year, only came home for 3 weeks out of the entire year, spending most holidays doing other things and the summer doing an internship. 4th year, came home for less than a week at Christmas and virtually no other times!