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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Exam anxiety

48 replies

Champagnecharleyismyname · 11/01/2023 17:37

My DD has extreme anxiety about her exams next week. It's so unexpected because she sailed through her A Levels with high grades.

She has just completed her first term and her first two modules and has two exams next week. She has worked so hard over Christmas and this week as it is a study week.

She is really tearful and absolutely convinced she is going to fail. She spoke to her tutor today who has tried to reassure her and told her she has options even if she falls both but nothing is getting through.

Any advice of what to say or do? I'm struggling here and very worried.

It's very unlike her as she is usually very resilient.

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 11/01/2023 17:40

I think it is just the unknown because of the step up. Most first year grades don't count towards her final grade so she just needs to pass. Her tutor has reassured her there are options so I think just reiterate that and say she may surprise herself because it is the unknown that she fears in reality.

Original poster
Champagnecharleyismyname · 11/01/2023 17:43

Yes I agree but I cannot get her to see that. She feels that she doesn't understand anything.

Her tutor said the same but I hate seeing her so anxious.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 11/01/2023 17:46

What subject? Maybe she is struggling to understand fully and it's not just exam nerves?

Original poster
Champagnecharleyismyname · 11/01/2023 17:48

It's Biology and first module is biochemistry so yes I do think she has struggled with some content. She has a multiple choice element to the exam and is not getting the practice questions correct as they are on such niche areas.

She is overwhelmed by the sheer amount of content.

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ShittyGlitter · 11/01/2023 17:54

Hrrm I’d be mindful that this has slipped from normal exam worries to something more? Is she anxious unexpectedly in other situations? When you are feeling this level of stress it can be impossible to take on board other people’s rational thoughts on the matter, so I wouldn’t worry that she’s not listening, but I would keep listening to her and offering reassurance.

after the exams I’d keep an eye her mental health and maybe take some time to reflect and work out ways to cope in high stress conditions for future exams.

Original poster
Champagnecharleyismyname · 11/01/2023 17:58

Yes I am very worried that this is something more. She's being so hard on herself. She is very diligent and hard working and it has paid off for her in other exams but now I think it's the depth of understanding.

At least she is talking to us even is she is not listening to the reassurance.

I'm at a loss as to what to do next. She's going back to halls on Friday but thankfully only an hour away if she does want to come home.

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RampantIvy · 11/01/2023 18:00

DD graduated this year and I had tearful phone calls from her just before every exam over the three years she was a student. It sounds like your daughter, just like DD, lacks confidence.

I used to tell her to go and do something else - watch a half hour comedy, go for a walk, have something to eat, then do sme more revision and have another break, then reassure her that she could do it.

The first year exams don't count towards the degree BTW.

Original poster
Champagnecharleyismyname · 11/01/2023 18:03

She does have to pass the modules to continue into year 2 but can do resits in September. First year counts for just 5:/: of her degree but she does need to pass it.

Will have more exams in May for her next two modules.

It's just so unlike her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Champagnecharleyismyname · 11/01/2023 21:12

Lots more tears and she has now fallen asleep. She looks exhausted.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 12/01/2023 07:27

Champagnecharleyismyname · 11/01/2023 17:48

It's Biology and first module is biochemistry so yes I do think she has struggled with some content. She has a multiple choice element to the exam and is not getting the practice questions correct as they are on such niche areas.

She is overwhelmed by the sheer amount of content.

Maybe it would be better to fully concentrate on just one of the exams if resits are an option. Take some pressure off herself. And know she is capable of achieving a hoid result

Part of being at uni is learning to work smart not work hard. My dd got a first by doing that, if she'd have worked all hours her brain would be scrambled. She let some things go that weren't worth as much ( still did them but didn't spend as much time on them) in order to spend more time on others. The first year is the settling year, she needs to make sure she's doing things other than study too
I'm sure her exams will go better than she fears, tell her good luck from mumsnet

Majaso12 · 12/01/2023 15:26

@Champagnecharleyismyname . Is your dd at Imperial? My dd is second year of biochemistry at Imperial and has said the same about the ridiculous amount of content to revise. She has her exams next week and says she needs another week to get through all of it. Worked every day over Christmas until late at night, only taking Christmas Day off.

Original poster
Champagnecharleyismyname · 12/01/2023 16:20

@Majaso12 yes she is at Imperial. Not good to hear that things don't improve and that the content stays intense.

I do think she needs some strategies to help her wade through the content and pick out areas of focus.

Her stress levels are still high but she does seem slightly better but it's the evenings she's been having a meltdown.

It all feels a bit late for anything for next week but it would be good to look at areas of help for her next exams and the resits if she does have to do them. She has spoken to her tutor but I'll ask her to look at all the options. Not the right time to have the conversation now.

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Majaso12 · 12/01/2023 16:36

I thought my dd seemed less stressed this year than she did in first year, but she said she’s not. She’s also had meltdowns. In first year, she said it wasn’t possible to get through all the content so did miss out some topics or didn’t go into so much detail with them. They get a choice of questions so she decided not to choose questions on certain topics. Maybe your dd could do the same and miss some things out. I think multiple choice questions can be on everything, but they wouldn’t get a lot of questions on every topic I don’t think. She did say that wasn’t possible this year and couldn’t miss anything out, but then this week
has said she doesn’t have to practice the exam questions on some topics because she won’t choose those ones, so I’m a bit confused. I find I can’t say too much or it makes things worse, so have to trust she knows what’s best. She doesn’t like missing things out, but it doesn’t seem possible to cover everything in the amount of detail needed. It’s so hard seeing them
so stressed.

Not helped when she sees her friends at other unis being able to have a break over Christmas.

gallop · 12/01/2023 16:39

I know some one who was in a similar situation 15 years ago- was so afraid of failing that he didn't even take the exams after getting into a competitive course. Get in touch with student welfare services at university and ask for support. Talk to tutors, it usually helps. What worked for me at university when I was freaking out about an exam was a tutor looking straight in my eye and saying that I was being my own worst enemy. I ended up getting a full score on that exam.

Original poster
Champagnecharleyismyname · 13/01/2023 16:59

She's gone back today and has been revising with some friends but she is saying this makes her feel worse as they understand it.

I will talk to her about student welfare but I don't think she is in any fit state to sit these exams. She really has got herself into a negative mindset.

OP posts:
Majaso12 · 15/01/2023 17:13

@Champagnecharleyismyname. How is your dd doing?

My dd starts her exams Tuesday and has been having panic attacks and still saying she hasn’t been able to revise everything or finish the practice paper questions.

Original poster
Champagnecharleyismyname · 15/01/2023 17:21

@Majaso12 she's not great. Still extremely stressed and convinced she will fail. She also seems really homesick.

I'm sorry to hear your DD is so stressed as well. This is all new to me as she sailed through A Levels. I've told her to give them a go and come home at the weekend. Luckily we are not too far away.

Did your DD get any support from the university?

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Majaso12 · 15/01/2023 17:27

@Champagnecharleyismyname . She hasn’t asked for any support. I don’t think she thinks they would do anything. Has your dd had support? She went back on the 7th as she likes time to settle in before exams, but I think she would have been better at home as then she wouldn’t have had to worry about cooking etc on top.

My dd is hard on herself and is saying she doesn’t know it well enough. Not sure if she’s exaggerating. She said she’s disappointed in herself that she doesn’t know it all really well and doesn’t understand how any of them can when she’s worked really hard.

Original poster
Champagnecharleyismyname · 15/01/2023 17:33

@Majaso12 it sounds like we are having identical conversations! My DD is saying exactly the same. Your DD must have passed her first year though?

DD has spoken to her tutor who was lovely and told her she is being very negative and that there are options if she does fail.

She is also saying she can't understand how other students get it.

I'm just taking each day with her, first exam is tomorrow so I just hope she can manage to go into it and at least give it her best shot.

Hope your DD is ok, god it's a worry isn't it.

OP posts:
Majaso12 · 15/01/2023 18:12

@Champagnecharleyismyname. It does sound like we’re having identical conversations!

She got a fairly high 2.1. She was quite pleased, but then also a bit annoyed with herself she didn’t get a first, but that’s just the way she is. There was one exam in the Summer that was a lot lower than the others which brought her percentage down. Of course this is the one she thinks about because it has knocked her confidence. They are some courseworks throughout the year, so it’s not all exams.

Has your dd done some coursework? I think dd did in her first term in first year.

Good luck with her exam tomorrow.

MindPalace · 15/01/2023 18:33

Sorry your DDs are suffering. From what I hear from my own DDs, it’s really only Oxbridge, LSE and Imperial and the med schools that put so much pressure on students. My first year niece at Bristol got her first essay at the end of term and had (according to her) literally not done any work until then. A much more rounded student experience IMO.

My DDs don’t regret Oxbridge (one has now graduated) and didn’t suffer that much with stress, but they do recognise their student experience might have been better elsewhere. Job prospect seem good though, so maybe there is a benefit there….?? Am not totally convinced myself.

I do think that had they been overly stressed, I would have strongly encouraged them to switch universities though. Obviously not saying that’s right for your DDs though. But girls put so much pressure on themselves. DD’s bf, an Oxbridge medic, gets annoyed at having so much work, but doesn’t stress unduly and is sailing through his exams.

Not sure why these universities think the excessive workload makes their courses better.

My cousin’s DD got through a stressful degree at Imperial, got a First, stayed for postgrad and now has an excellent career. So there’s hope.

Best of luck to your lovely girls. Xx

RampantIvy · 15/01/2023 18:37

Sorry your DDs are suffering. From what I hear from my own DDs, it’s really only Oxbridge, LSE and Imperial and the med schools that put so much pressure on students. My first year niece at Bristol got her first essay at the end of term and had (according to her) literally not done any work until then. A much more rounded student experience IMO.

I disagree. I think it is more about how the student reacts than the university. DD was at Newcastle and was very stressed about her exams. I think it says more that your niece was either more relaxed or she found her subject easy.

Original poster
Champagnecharleyismyname · 15/01/2023 18:51

We did talk a lot about the student experience at Imperial and I think as much as she could be she did realise that the level of work was going to be tough.

A lot of it is she is very tough on herself but it is also the sheer volume of work. I've just spoken to her and she seems calmer.

We will see how she gets on. She has a lovely small group of friends who have been very kind to her.

OP posts:
Majaso12 · 15/01/2023 21:14

My ds did a similar subject to dd at a good RG university and he did well. He didn’t have as much content in his as dd does. It’s all extra things like statistics exams, several programming languages she has on top as well, with exams in those as well.

Majaso12 · 16/01/2023 19:23

@Champagnecharleyismyname. How did your dd get on today?