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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

How are your 18 year olds spending the summer?

44 replies

UntamedWisteria · 26/05/2020 20:25

DS should have started his A levels last week. Starting Uni in September

I have tried to gently encourage him to at least try and find a job (I suspect it's going to be very difficult) and also offered him (well-paid!) work at home.

But he's done very little. Seen some more of his friends since the rules were eased (walks, football in park, etc) which I'm encouraging, and has some cooking & cleaning chores to do. But less since my cleaner returned to work 2 weeks ago.

The rest of the time he gets up at lunchtime, works on his tan, then plays Xbox with his friends until the wee small hours.

He can't go on like this the whole summer - but I'm wary of nagging him too, as I do think this situation is crap and his age group is the worst off in many ways.

It's making me depressed, I don't know what to do.

OP posts:

mimbleandlittlemy · 26/05/2020 21:33

Mine doing pretty much the same, though he is also doing a lot of cooking doing the dinner every other day. As soon as they reopen pools he will be back at his lifeguard job (fingers crossed). He is taking a gap year so I am not nagging him at the moment. The bottom fell out of their world, they can’t do the trips they planned, go to the festivals they wanted to go to, not even celebrate the end of their school lives. I think we have to cut them some slack and if this is how they mourn, go with it.

Collision · 26/05/2020 21:41

Same here too but he’s cooking and cleaning and doing his own washing

He made brownies and chicken rogan josh tonight.

He is really worried about coronavirus so I’m not pushing it

Original poster

UntamedWisteria · 26/05/2020 22:38

Good to know not just mine then.

He also enjoys cooking, when he gets started, but it's hard to motivate him to do it. We agreed he'd cook dinner twice a week.

OP posts:

aibutohavethisusername · 27/05/2020 02:08

My DD is mainly reading, internet using, baking or working. She has a PT job and has been doing overtime.

Chocolatear · 27/05/2020 02:16

Sleeping, gaming, chatting to friends online and more recently seeing his girlfriend.
He has a part time job delivering pizzas.
He is supposed to be logging on to lessons at school, but he isn't. They're aimed at university preparation but he's taking a Gap year so not bothered

MidLifeCrisis007 · 27/05/2020 07:33

Mine is lounging around reading history books which has rather taken me by surprise..... particularly as he's been buying them off Ebay with his own money!

He has also got into Strava which is a big positive. He's done a number of running and cycling challenges.... and has set himself a really ambitious cycling challenge for June that will ensure he gets lots of fresh air!

It would be nice if he looked for a job at some point....

daisychicken · 27/05/2020 07:42

DS is doing pretty much the same as other posters dc. He has been job hunting (lost his cafe job at the start of CV) but no luck so far.

I'd planned to have been getting stuff to take with him by now but obviously this was put on hold. Will have to start now though. Anyone know of a rough list of things needed? I have a rough idea from my uni days but an actual list would be handy!

Ironoaks · 27/05/2020 14:31

Studying: he isn't receiving any work from school, but studies for a couple of hours each day. He finished off the last A-level topics, revised everything and is doing past papers. He has found enough bridging work to keep him busy until the autumn.

Hobbies: music practice, making YouTube videos, reading around the subject he wants to study.

Socialising online: Discord, group chats with offer holders at the same university, Zoom quizzes etc.

He also exercises every day and has been working on life skills; he has been taking care of his own laundry and learning to cook.

denby7bur · 27/05/2020 16:36

DS goes for a 5k approx run every day but apart from learning to cook a few new recipes, he's just on phone/ playing xbox. He had school work until 2 weeks ago so was very busy with that.

He's been looking for a job. Apart from supermarkets, any other ideas?

VanCleefArpels · 27/05/2020 16:50

I’d not push it. The summer after A levels is usually the tine the kids go to festivals, have their first foreign holiday with friends, have a big sleep after the pressure of exams, go to a zillion 18th birthday parties etc etc etc. None of that is available to them this year. Depending where you live jobs may or may not be available. However given the circs, the loss of the end of school traditions, the inherent uncertainty over exam results and what comes later let alone the small fact of a deadly pandemic out there I’d cut a bit of slack!

Hellomum2020 · 27/05/2020 16:54

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InMySpareTime · 27/05/2020 16:58

DS has gone nocturnal, sleeping until noon and staying up until 3-4am. Playing a lot of COD and watching a lot of YouTube.
He does his own washing and tidies his room occasionally.
He's doing a bit of coding in prep for Sept, but he's still not sure if he's off to uni or starting a degree apprenticeship.

BackforGood · 27/05/2020 17:09

She's sleeping a lot.
Did a walking challenge in April - 10K stpes a day to raise money for Cancer Research, but that has fallen off a bit in May.
Last couple of weeks has met different friends to go for a socially distanced walk or bike rid or even sit our in the sunshine.
Has been applying for jobs (as she can't do her usual lifeguarding) but not got any.

Hellomum2020 · 27/05/2020 18:31

Attending a lot free events about education and opportunities. Particularly about apprenticeship vs going university. Watching YouTube classes to help get creative so my kids aren’t bored.
There’s lots of free events some banks are offering. If anyone wants to see the topics visit Eventbrite and search for Halifax London Events or Lloyd’s Bank

Serin · 28/05/2020 08:46

I've a 22 year old here who should be teaching in South Korea.
A 19 year old sent home from uni nursing course, who's desperate to get back there.
An 18 year old who had plans to travel around Europe over the summer with his mates.
Their plans have been blown apart. Their lives are on hold. Their calm acceptance of this is actually quite reassuring. They have hope and faith that things will return to normal soon. They are coping.
If playing xbox and chatting with mates online is their way of getting through this then so be it.
Leave him alone OP.

JustSew · 28/05/2020 15:44

My two did their A levels a few years ago but essentially left school in May. Once exams were over they did exactly as your DS is doing for the rest of the summer until starting uni. They both got good grades and degrees so it did no harm.
Why is it making you depressed?

WhatHaveIFound · 28/05/2020 15:51

DD had been planning on a European trip but since that's no longer possible she's applied for jobs (no luck so far), decluttered her room, sorted her clothes, reorganised all the books in the house and has taken on quite a bit of the cooking too.

Her school will be starting lessons next week for her university subject plus general classes for living away from home. Stuff like basic DIY/money management etc. Plus she's hoping to get a reading list for her uni course and making a start on it.

Cantgowrongwithstripedcurtains · 29/05/2020 13:50

I agree this may be one summer where the way to get through is que sera sera. Particularly with the difficulty in finding paid work at the moment - what you want to avoid is a summer that ends up as being mainly an unsuccessful job search. Though it's difficult for many dparents to do without that indirect financial contribution.

Maybe one way to look at it is that they'll be working until they're 70 (at least!) so why not take the opportunity to enjoy a lazy summer.

I think for some the lack of social life is not as unwelcome as you might expect - less fomo, less general stress. Of course that may now be about to change, with groups of 6 etc.

Oneteen · 29/05/2020 16:31

Dd has done a mixture of research work organised via school,cooking, gaming and sleeping....shes just started going out to meet friends which I'm relieved about having been couped up for so long..

She's agreed to do some paid work...which she starts tomorrow which will give her some structure and some pocket money..

Original poster

UntamedWisteria · 29/05/2020 16:55

Seems we are all muddling along in a fairly similar boat.

I am glad that DS can go out & meet his friends again.

He just heard back from a job agency which made it sound like the chances of him finding any work are very low. I have jobs he can do for me if he wants to earn money.

I think as others have suggested I'll back off a bit and just go with the flow ...

OP posts:

ifonly4 · 29/05/2020 19:38

Mine is one of the younger 18 year olds, just finished her first year at uni. Other than local festival work, she's struggled to find work around school and uni. She's had her lucky break, found a job for initial lockdown, they've now given her a seasonal contract. Her festival work is very flexible, so when hospitality is up and running, she can fill in with that if she doesn't get enough hours in future.

Nothing from her uni course after March.

Seen one friend a couple of times, the odd run and bike ride, and lots of talking to international friends during the night!

Eve · 29/05/2020 23:24

Much the same, thankfully he has 3 days work a week at local stables and some of the owners are paying him to wash their trailers and paint them.

He’s very down about the whole situation though.

Cleebope2 · 30/05/2020 18:34

I understand what you mean about getting depressed. My 18 year old daughter is coping fine and now meeting friends for socialising in gardens and parks and hoping to still go interailing in July. My 21 year old son on the other hand has not seen a friend since mid March, is working from home all day on his uni placement and then Xbox all evening. He seems so isolated to me and his uni course is going online in September so this will drag on for maybe another year. I feel he was really enjoying his life and now it has all been pulled away from him. He’s too shy to meet up in gardens, it’s not really what young men do. It really brings me down but I try to be positive in front of him.

weegiemum · 30/05/2020 19:21

My ds is 18 and like many others is getting up at lunchtime and gaming till 2am. He's applied for literally hundreds of jobs, no joy. Next year he's doing a portfolio prep course for Art School and has been doing a few wee arty projects on his own. He drives me about (mainly to Tesco) as I'm disabled and can't drive. He's been great with that. He's been "chatting" to a girl through lockdown and they met up yesterday so he's walking on air with that right now.

Cleebope2 · 30/05/2020 20:10

He sounds lovely weegiemum. My DS 21got his license 3 years ago but refuses to drive even though I keep up his insurance cos he hates it. My DD 18 was meant to be starting driving lessons in April with a view to doing test before she heads off to uni but that’s all scuppered now too. But DH is teaching her in car parks whilst on the lookout for the police moving them on! Non essential travel I suppose. All their plans are down the plug hole. When will driving instructors be able to start up again I wonder?

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