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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

How to convince ds that an offer does not equal a place ....

10 replies

basildonbond · 27/01/2015 07:41

Ds is v pleased with himself as he has an offer from his first choice uni with a very achievable set of grades which is slightly below his predictions- however he is talking about having been accepted and he does tend to count his chickens ...

How do we encourage him to keep working when he thinks it's already in the bag?

OP posts:
fairywoods · 27/01/2015 08:40

Try and remind him without nagging that it's only a few months and not to forget the importance of past papers. My DD was always incredibly hard working and had a timetable, working her way through numerous past papers. Also, don't rely on just one revision guide, look through at least a couple. Even still, the A2s were a shock (to her and her friends, all very hard working students) especially as no January modules. She got very good grades, more than she needed but not quite as good as her predictions (possibly due to no Jan modules) and is now very happy at her first choice Uni. Don't put too much pressure on, relaxation is really important too but remind him not to underestimate A2s, they are harder than AS (obviously!). Good Luck

sashh · 27/01/2015 08:45

  1. remind him it is conditional

  2. more and more recruiters are looking at A Level results as well as degree results, it could hamper his career if he decides to coast now.

PeaStalks · 27/01/2015 11:19

I posted this on another thread. There were some in DS1's cohort who got uni offers based on optimistic predicted grades and then failing.
Grade predictions are not not fortune telling and A levels are harder than AS levels.
One parent complained to me when her DS missed his firm and insurance by miles because he did no work that his grades were "not what the school predicted".

bobs123 · 27/01/2015 11:22

It's only "in the bag" if it's an unconditional offer. Otherwise he will only get in if he gets the grades - tell him that!!!

SauvignonBlanche · 27/01/2015 11:28

Each time he says it, say "yes, conditionally accepted if you get the grades".

Original poster
basildonbond · 27/01/2015 12:56

Thanks - he is soooo pleased with himself and it really is a fabulous course and exactly what he wants to do so he's done very well to get an offer ... however he would be kicking himself for the rest of his life if he mucks it up now

I don't want to completely burst his bubble or for him to think I'm just nagging so it's a fine line to tread

He's doing IB so he's not done AS and everything depends on this summer's exams (no pressure there then ....)

OP posts:
Fortysix · 27/01/2015 14:31

How long has it been since the offer?

Calls for a corny analogy...

Let him have a few days of glory then present him with a large pile of fresh new studying stationery eg highlighter pens/ sticky notes/ wallet folders (currently half price Tesco)

Say your are still so chuffed for him about the offer and that it's great he's made it to base camp but now you want to do your bit to help him on the climb to the summit...

Then go downstairs and message him a photo of Mount Everest. He'll shout at you from his room for being cheesy but you'll have made your point...

welshpixie · 27/01/2015 17:05

As he is doing the IB the main thing for him now is the time to nail the IA's, Extended essay and TOK. These can make a huge difference,those 3 extra points are achievable and can be the difference between acceptance or not. Past papers especially in the sciences and maths are essential.
The problem is if his school is anything like my DD's the predicted grade is the first time the students have any idea of how well they are doing overall, and some do react with the attitude of well I have this grade therefore I do not need to work. Unfortunately we had one student like this, a predicted grade of 40 no work afterwards and a final grade of 31.
Good luck in motivating him.

senua · 28/01/2015 09:38

Do a bit of psychology on him. Tell him that you are not gong to nag him: he is (fingers crossed) going to be a student soon and one of the differences between school and University is that no-one nags, it is all down to self-motivation. University is not about how clever you are, it's about how hard you work. So if he can't self-motivate to get the required IB grades then he is obviously not the right calibre to be a student ... so, no pressure from mum then, it has to be self-generated. Mean or what?Grin
You also give him the flip side, the pep talk about asking for help and using support when offered.

You can also appeal to his teenage pride: how would you feel on results day when it all slipped out of your grasp; when your mates were going to University of choice and you aren't.

Link to Daily Mail (sorry) article here. I know all teenagers think that they are invincible and "it won't happen to me" but the article says that "about 162,430 students" went through clearing last year. That's quite a lot of people who probably also thought "it won't happen to me"!

(Has he actually relaxed or was it just a slow start cranking himself back into gear for the new term?)

Original poster
basildonbond · 28/01/2015 15:21

We had a well-timed parents' evening last night so we let the teachers do all the talking ... he's currently doing pretty well, if he keeps going he's got the potential to do very well, if he slacks he could just miss out so fingers crossed that's done the trick

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