Would anyone be willing to read personal statement and comment?

[WhatsItAllAboutAlfie]

My son has written his personal statement ( with a little help from Mum, Dad and the thesaurus) but we would really welcome a comment from anyone out there, especially if you work in admissions! He has shown his tutor who doesn't teach him, doesn't know him as he's temporary, leaving at half term, the real tutor from last year is on maternity leave, and he just said "It's fine". Which it may be but I would have expected something that needed to be changed. He has also given it to another teacher but they've had it two weeks now and don't seem in a hurry to give it back.
Thanks, feeling a bit .

Could your son show it to his head of 6th form? Or one of his A level teachers? Perhaps one that's more involved in UCAS applications?

Another helpful on line resource is "The Student Room" - don't know if you've discovered it yet. I spent many hours lurking researching last year when my DS applied.

he should show it to a teacher who is involved in the subject he wants to study. Be a bit careful about putting personal statements on the internet it can cause problems with plagiarism(sp?).

You can PM me if you want, I've been stuffed full of UCAS protocol! Just sent mine off in time for the 15th...people at my school who aren't going in for early entry stuff really have to push to get their PSs seen, apparently. But his tutor should make him redraft, redraft, redraft- doesn't sound like he's getting much attention. You have to jump through loads of hoops, in the end they all read alike.
It doesn't really matter if the person doesn't know you (you can get a pretty good impression and all references are full of the same glowy fluffy stuff anyway) but they do have to be well versed in What UCAS Wants. Which is not obvious.

Feel free to PM me if you like too:)
Not an expert but have proof read (and suggested how to alter) a decent handful over the last 2 years between my own children and their friends:)

I presume he isn't applying for Medicine Vets or Oxbridge, so he DOES have time on his side re tutors returning!:)

What subject Alfie? I'd be happy to comment but maybe count me out if it's science :)

have been uni visiting today with my DS - the following advice from the admissions team at St Andrews:

Give details about why you want to study your chosen subject
Extra curricular stuff should be a maximum of 25% of the PS

I agree the school should be giving lots more guidance and support!

I'll take a look if you like, used to be 6th form UCAS advisor.

What exactly are all these schools doing when they offer so little support? At dd's (selective) state school, teachers are almost falling over themselves to support able students.

I'm sure you experienced people will be great by the way, not meant as a negative post!!

I ididn't understand the one my child wrote, they refered to subject related things that meant nothig to me . You might want to specifiy what subject it is.

Hi Thanks so much for the replies. Sorry not to have been back before now but have been at work and out two evenings at open evenings for 6th form colleges for the next one!
I really appreciate the offers to have a look. If I may LoopyLoo I'll take you up on your offer as I was keen to have someone look who has more of an overview and perhaps has done it as part of their job.
The subject is Business Studies so not as full of scary jargon as science