7 yr old assessed as GnT - what to ask for?

[RufinaTheStressed]

I've always known my 7 yr old was "very bright" but he has now been assessed as gifted and talented, way into the top 3%. At least I now know why he has been so "challenging" thus far ;).

How do I make sure he gets the support he needs to achieve his potential? He's at the local state primary.

Ed Psych said I needed to make sure he socialised with other very bright children. This makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, as I don't want to feel I am screening his friends on brain power. Has anybody else achieved this in the normal mix?

I wouldn't screen his friends tbh. This is the age where they start choosing their own friends rather than the children of your preferred parents . Dd's friends cover quite a range - it really depends what kind of play they are into. The important thing is that they socialise.

I was a gifted kid - and the nicest friend I ever had pre-secondary was a very-unacademic girl. Really nice kid - saw her briefly a few years ago - really nice woman. Don't know what she saw in me! I was lucky to have her. I hardly had friends until secondary school - and then it tend to be all top-set kids banding for mutual protection together.

Let him choose his own friends, he will anyway. He's not going to make friends with kids unless he finds a connection. You can take him to places where he might make new ones, but school's up to him.

I wouldn't worry too much about it, tbh, I think it is standard recommendation from Ed Psychs (suggested to us and also I know my parents were given a similar recommendation). Unless you happen to have a nice selection of gifted children - ie not just top 10% 'bright' -nearby who also share interests/tastes with your dc I'm not sure it is very practical advice.

Certainly as a child I was most comfortable with other 'odd' children, not the ever-so-nice round-peg-in-round-hole bright kids, IYKWIM, and in practice in secondary most of my friends were from the bottom set awkward squad . . . I can see the same tendency in dd, her social problems / bullying are with the girls in the top groups, and she has found some really nice friends from girls in the the special needs/intensive support unit in her school.

I agree about letting him chose his own friends.

Just for interest for you - my DS has 1 'friend' at school - By that I mean instead of a classmate iyswim? My DS has SN (altho highly intelligent) and years behind in literacy with a language disorder. (being assessed for ASD). Talking to his CT the other day about DS friend I said how lovely hes made one. CT teacher said how great they were for each other.

Turns out this boy is extremely G&T. The thing the 2 have in common is their "surprising to even the teaching staff" ability for computer programming and alike and their interests in all things 'geeky'

If you saw them on paper or even 'playing' when not together you would have never seen the friendship they have - they just do not 'go' together iyswim?

In fact from reading many G&T threads on MN I'd say most G&T MNers have said they suffered because the academia which they were natural at was fostered but no one supported their social skills which they already struggled with.

I was that child. Top 1%. My friends were drawn from the full academic spectrum. It was (and is) nice to have friends who share my more quirky intellectual interests. But generally there was no rule where my friends were drawn from. On reflection maybe we were a bit of a bunch of oddballs. Some top set, some bottom. Some of my bottom set buddies from primary school are still very close friends 30 years later.

As an adult I'm quite normal (as far as I know). Still freakishly good at verbal and numerical reasoning. But it's not something that has much impact on day to day life or who my friends are.

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say except that this "top 1%" thing is only about one tiny aspect of what makes us people. If you think your child is struggling to make friends then by all means seek out opportunities for them to find kindred spirits. But don't over think the IQ thing. If they have happy secure friendships already then there's nothing broken and nothing to fix.

Totally agree Pancakes. You are describing my DS. His friendships are more to do with "quirky intellectual interests" rather than IQ. Many of the G&T kids at his school are quite sensible, conformist and introvert whereas he is more at home with the oddballs, no matter what set they are in.

Football. For a boy it's still the currency of the playground and builds friendships across all abilities. He can use his brain to become a grade a bore on match statistics, transfer fees, ground capacities etc. He'll calculate all the permutations of the points each team in a division needs to go up or down, allowing for a host of variables.

In DS's state primary they were good at differentiation and the consequence was he was being taught maths on his own. (We hadn't asked for anything.) Football was what kept him in the friendship group.

Thanks for all this. I got locked out and then forgot. My own (as a child) storming brain has proved no protection against middle aged forgetfulness ;).

I'm glad you all think I should just leave the friendships be. School is v hands off with G&T and does as little as it can, but is very supportive of the individual child. Teacher has told me what I need to push him on for now, which is helpful, and has identified some clear areas where he is achieving below his ability.

Sadly he doesn't really like football but he can bore for Britain (and beyond) on minecraft!

This weekend we are off to Potential Plus UKs (formerly National Association of Gifted Children) BIG WEEKEND!!

My son loves it because he gets to do some really different activities. He also gets to see himself as "normal" and also not as bright as some others.

As parents we get to do some excellent workshops to support him.

They run 1 a term.