Intelligent, asynchronous Y1 child (aged 5) seeks Y1 intelligent, asynchronised friend in Cumbria

[Jayneo13]

Our 5 year old little boy is at least 2 yrs ahead of his age-matched peers in English and Maths. His vocabulary and logical thinking, problem solving and sense of humour astound us on a regular basis. He has every characteristic of an intelligent child with asynchronous development. There are 7 other children in his year group at school and they all now pretty much ignore him on a daily basis and make it clear to him that he is different and refuse to play with him. He has nothing in common with him - he likes fantasy play, talking about science and how things work, dinosaurs and robots - they don't. He has become much more aware of the situation in the last few weeks and it is crushing his self esteem. He does play with some of the Y2 children but I think they often don't tolerate his occasional lack of emotional development (all characteristic of this asynchronous development I have read). We live in Cumbria. It would be great to hear from anyone with a Y1 asynchronous child that my little boy could meet up with to have some playtime. I think he has all but given up hope that there is someone out there like him - they don't have to like the same things as him - he loves to discuss anything, at great length and in lots of detail!. We can provide him with everything he needs but we cannot conjure up another child his age. (He has a younger sibling but he needs someone his age, like him).
I've taken to writing on here because I've exhausted other avenues. I''m hoping the gamble pays off.....
He is very happy at home and he is such a loving little boy - he would make such a fantastic little friend for someone like him - we would love to hear from you.

Have you thought about trying acting classes? Our local Art Centre has classes where the kids write and perform their own plays - lots of outgoing, chatty, extrovert, creative kids to meet!

Hi OP, I'm not aware of the term you use "asynchronous development"? But I do have a DD who has been at least "2years ahead" of her peer group. But I am so fortunate that it really hasn't been a problem...and she is 6 and in y2 now. So, rather than getting hung up on labels and finding children with the same label, may I politely suggest that you look more specifically at the areas your DS needs support in? For example, my DD simply reads different books, answers different comprehension and inference questions, does extension maths sums etc...none of this affects her making friends. And she has friends with similar and vastly different abilities and manages to find games they can enjoy. It sounds like the issue you are concerned about is your DS's struggle to make friends. There are many parents on here with children who have challenges wrt social behaviour so hopefully one of them will be along shortly to offer you more constructive advice. Hope all works out for you and your DS.

Hi. Sorry to hear that your DS is having such a hard time. Have you spoken to his teacher about how he is feeling? Do they have any suggestions about how to help? My Y1 DS sounds very like him and he used to struggle socially. Luckily he now has a group of friends at school who accept him and all his quirks (although they do tell him he talks too much!). Starting martial arts classes and becoming interested in football has helped no end. He has gained confidence and has more to talk to the other boys about. Your DS sounds lovely and I hope things improve for him soon.

Hi OP, I've never heard the term asynchronous development before, but I just googled it and it describes my son perfectly. Funnily enough, I've just posted a plea for advice to overcome the same problem (except in year 7, rather than year 1).
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/gifted_and_talented/1892127-Friendships

I've been through your stage though and I can tell you what worked for DS through primary school. 1. playdates and parties (it seems young children's affections can be bought!) 2. encouraging DS never to be anything but quiet about his own abilities and always to praise the efforts of others 3. football team membership - being able to play also helps in the playground from age 7 onwards 4. Never to think of himself as different, except in the sense that everyone is an individual.

For us, its all fallen apart at secondary school though and I don't know what to suggest from then onwards. I'm hoping that someone will be able to tell me.

I think you need to talk to school because it's a small class and they all need to get on and play. It seems unlikely none of the others are interested in dinosaurs - standard young boy stuff. Agree football/tag rugby would help hugely at playtimes. Maybe you or your partner is going to have to help in your back garden to raise his enthusiasm.

I like the term "asynchronous", it sounds much better that how I describe my DS2 - which is usually "square peg, round hole"

We live in rural Wales and my three DC attend the small village primary. DS1(11) and DD(7) are both bright and in the top 10% of their year groups, but have never struggled with friendships. DS2(9) however is a totally different story. He is described as "exceptional" by the school and has an IEP to support him. However emotionally he is quite immature, and he is very over sensitive. He doesn't have many friends in school as they want to play football but he wants to discuss the Norman Conquest or teach himself Latin.

His confidence in just being himself has grown as he started attending out of school activities with more like minded children. Not necessarily "geeky" ones (although I suppose Young Archaeologist's Club might come under that umbrella) but things like the local RSPB group, a drama club and the county wind band. He mixes far better at them than he ever has at school. I tried to get him to play football to "fit in" when he was younger, but it was a total disaster and I regret making him do it TBH. He needs to accept that he is a little bit different and be confident in it.

I am hoping that the wider mix of children when he goes to secondary school will help.

I hope you find a friend for your DS.