Ok, let's do haemorrhoid jokes... because there's nothing funny about a sore arse and I need to laugh.

[Jacksmama]

One woman to another:
"My arsehole hurts." "Ohh, what's wrong with him??"

Primary school child taking a test. The question reads: "define asteroids".
Child's answer: "things on mummy's bum that make her sit carefully".

Ba-da-BUM.

Oh shit. Those are crap jokes.

Definitely the bottom of the barrel.

Well, come up with some better ones then - believe me, I could use a giggle, my arse has been nothing to laugh about the last few days !

Christ, I did miss it! My arse hurts so bad I've lost my sense of humour! Gah!

What a pile of poo.

Sorry, they're not getting any better, are they?

You have my sympathies - there is nothing worse than your jeremy kyles giving you gyp!

I actually left work to pick up my prescription... the pharmacist asked, "how are you today?" and I said, "I have a pain in the arse". With a straight face. She looked at me, didn't know what to say, looked down at my prescription, the penny dropped and she started to laugh uncontrollably. At least I made her day .

I saw this thread while looking at posts about mumsnet on "Twitter".

The thread was picked up by a bizarre robot that collects feeds of discussions posted on the web relating to haemorrhoids, and posts snippets of them on Twitter to help a company selling cures advance its Google search rankings - twitter.com/HemorrhoidCares

Personally I find that quite funny

Oh dear God... a post of mine found its way on Twitter... A POST ABOUT MY ARSE FOUND ITS WAY ON TWITTER...

My day is now complete.

Bum bum

And it's a Canadian twitter feed too. They're closing in, closing in.

glad you got it - Twitter though, the very epitome of Fame! Wow!