MIL just had a stroke and I need some positive stories to give me hope

[BetaMummy]

My wonderful MIL, who is the sweetest, most active and joyful granny you could wish your kids to have, had a stroke last night. She's only 65 and is a picture of health so it came as such a shock. I've spent the day with her at the hospital (DH has now taken over) and she in unable to move her right side or say more than a couple of unclear words. I suppose what I'm hoping for is that there are people out there who've known someone who's been as bad as this but has gone on to make a great recovery. The thought that my two DS might not get the gran they love so much back just breaks my heart. If your story doesn't have a happy ending then I'm so sorry, but please don't tell it me now. The type of stroke she has had is from a bleed in the brain rather than a clot and it happened 24 hours ago. Thanks.

My dad had a stroke a couple of years ago at 73 and he's doing brilliantly. People around need to help them be a good patient. In my exp, that's not beig bossy about what they shoudl or shouldn't do so much, but trying to see them often etc, or sending cards and kids pics blah. Take the grandkids in if you can and remind them how much they're loved and how worthwhile it is gritting teeth through therapy and difficulties in recouperation. You need and want them there. Good luck. Positive vibes have to help them keep their courage when times are tough.

Thanks for that. She's really involved with both my 2 DS and her other grandson so I'm hoping they will give her the incentive she needs for recovery. She is such a positive person (she's been doing half a smile to me every time she's woken today) so I'm hoping that if anyone can do it, it's her.

I think your MIL had a hemorrhagic stroke - my godmother had one aged 65 as well earlier this year. These strokes are serious, but it is a good sign that she is still alive 24 hours later, I believe. My godmother can now speak very well (6 months on) and she can walk unaided, but not very far. She is better having a stick to steady her. She cannot drive, but she can go places in the car if her DH drives. I'm not sure if this is what you were looking for, but my godmother is still herself and able to have family round etc, although physically, she needs her DH's help to do anything more than very light things. She did spend quite a few weeks in hospital (8 I think).

My FIL had an ischemic stroke this year and he has made a full recovery. His speech is perfect and his mobility is very good and he can drive.

Take your children to see her as often as possible. My DS was only 1 when MIL had a stroke, but I still persuaded her to come swimming with us and teach him to swim. It took her mind off the recovery and gave her something else to focus on.

She is now fitter than me, joined a gym and does 3 classes a week!

i am an occupational therapist, and i have seen plenty of fabulous recoveries from haemorrhagic strokes

24 hours is not long, you must still be in shock and your mil has not even really begun the recovery phase yet.. is she on/being transferred to a specialist stroke unit?

Thanks for all the support. She's been in a specialist stroke unit since about 3am today (she had the stroke at 7pm yesterday). As I understand it, the next 2 or 3 days are the danger period when things could go either way, but when she gets through that it should be clearer about her long-tern prognosis. I'm worried about how upsetting it could be for my DS to see her as she is now but I just want to do whatever is best for her and them. DS1 is 6 and quite sensitive so it could be very upsetting for him, whereas DS2 is 2.5 and a real livewire so I think he would be fine. I feel as though if she keeps her personality and ability to comminicate we'll be able to cope with physical problems, I just can't bear the thought of losing the real her, iyswim.

My MIL had a stroke about 15 years ago. She made a good recovery over several months, and went from being unable to walk or speak clearly, to being fit enough to garden or do her own shopping, and she was able to drive again. Her speech recovered although she occasionally struggled to find the right word. Now in her eighties, she's beginning to decline a little but I think that's a result of age rather than connected to the stroke. She had a definite personality change, becoming less forceful (she used to be a bit domineering), and slightly more likely to take a back seat. I've never asked her if she's noticed this, but most of the family did (and if I'm honest it was an improvement!. My children were small at the time and took it all very much in their stride.

My DM had a stroke nearly two years ago, in her early 70s. She was very active, helped a lot with DCs (I'm a lone parent) and looking after my disabled DF. I was really shocked the first time I saw her, in hospital the day after - like your MIL, right side completely useless, face lopsided, no clear speech apart from yes/no. It all looked pretty grim.

But she was out of hospital in a matter of days, and within about six weeks she was back up and about and doing almost everything she was doing before, including driving and babysitting. Now nearly two years on you would not guess to look at her (or hear her) that she had had a stroke, except I'm sometimes aware, particularly when she's tired, that she is fumbling for a word more than she once used to. Oh, and her right hand is a bit weaker than it used to be - eg, she'll hold a full kettle or saucepan with two hands not one, but that could just as easily be age/arthritis-related.

So, just wanted to say it isn't necessarily as bad as it looks today. I'll be thinking of you.

My best friend's mum had a stroke about 5 years ago now; I'm afraid I don't know whether it was clot or bleed. It was quite severe and we were terribly worried. However, she has recovered almost fully, a bit of weakness on that side but she can still get around and look after herself.

I think the important thing is to do all the exercises you are given (she is given).

She is in her late 70s/early 80s, so she was no spring chicken. She was a consultant anaesthetist, so was well versed in health matters, and understood the importance of following the regime she was given. It makes a tremendous amount of difference.

I'm so sorry it has happened and do hope she makes a good recovery. Thinking of you.

There hasn't been much change today but reading the last 3 posts has given me a boost, so thank you. She is able to swallow and has had small bits of soup/juice today and has been communicating a little bit with DH - just a couple of words. The thing that has got to me most today has been seeing DH, who is the strongest person I know, in tears. He knows the position his mum is in is her worst nightmare, particularly as she has a huge fear of hospitals and has always taken a holistic rather than conventional approach to healthcare. I'm trying to keep busy and not let myself wallow in the images I keep getting of MIL in full-on Granny mode, playing football with her grandsons and indulging their every whim.

Betamuumy, my mother had a massive stroke out of the blue three years ago (also a bleed into the brain rather than a clot). She is still with us, able to get on with most things in life but regretably will never be quite the woman she once was. Think of someone ageing 10 years overnight. I would never have believed she could have recovered as much as she has in those early days when she did not even know who her own children were.

Keep yourself strong for her and your dh and try to hope for the best. Also remember recovery from strokes takes years rather than days so don't despair too soon if you don't see your mil making an immediate recovery. My mother was abroad when it happened. She was in a French hospital for about 10 days, then transferred home in an ambulance plane and was in hospital in England for a few more weeks. But her recovery was reasonably good I believe so your mil could take longer. Wishing you strength.