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Original poster

Can someone point me in the right direction for info on hiv.

15 replies

orangehead · 10/10/2008 21:34

I have just found out that my brother and his wife have hiv. But Im not supposed to know and found out accidently, so I cant talk to them about it. I dont even know if my little nephew who is only 1 has it. I need some info but a little worried to google because all sorts will come up. Does anyone know anything or point me in the direction of some reliable sources.
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Hassled · 10/10/2008 21:35

The Terrence Higgins Trust - there's a good website.

Hassled · 10/10/2008 21:36

here

Geepers · 10/10/2008 21:37

how did you find out?

perhaps it would be a relief for them to know you know, if you know what I mean

whomovedmychocolate · 10/10/2008 21:39

Orangehead - I'm sorry to hear about your brother and his wife. Treatment these days is very good and while the prognosis long term is not great, it's not as bad as it was 10 years ago. Do get in touch with the Terrence Higgins Trust and talk to them. Also if you can tell your brother you know, it'll be better. Otherwise you'll be dancing on eggshells and they may well appreciate the support esp. if they have only just found out and are about to start telling others.

BTW it's unlikely the baby has contracted it - esp if he was born by CS.

Original poster
orangehead · 10/10/2008 21:49

Yes she had cs and didnt bf. I think they found out when she was pregnant, so nearly two years ago. Was thinking of telling my brother I know, but he is very funny not sure how he will react.
Thankyou for the link hassle.

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 10/10/2008 21:51

Okay, so you know for sure your brother is also infected? How horrid for them.

I'd tell them you know. You can't act normally with knowledge like this and if you say 'I know and I'm sorry but I won't tell anyone and will support you any way I can if you let me' even if he does react badly, he'll be eventually glad that you can handle it.

Original poster
orangehead · 10/10/2008 22:00

So many things are adding up now. For example all the support my mum has given them, however she gave me very little support when I had bad pnd. This really upset me at the time. My mum is also very pro bf and is the type to comment on someone giving formula and encourage them to give it a chance. I thought it was very strange when my mum didnt say something about her not bf, very out of character. Also why sil is very adamant she is not having another child. I feel stupid that I asked why she was so adamant.
Yes know for sure my brother has it too.

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 10/10/2008 22:08

Oh dear. You could tell your mum you know. That might be easier. Try and remember that if it was you, it'd be your right to choose who knew and when you told them, just as your brother has a right to privacy. It's nothing against you that he didn't tell you. It's just really difficult.

Be positive now - you have this information, use it to make your relationship better and be supportive. A few years down the line they will really need you to be.

wannaBe · 10/10/2008 22:23

How did you find out?

Your brother may have been afraid to tell anyone for fear of rejection - sadly HIV still has a huge stigma attached to it, and people often don't react well to the news. I saw a piece recently stat stated that a huge number of people (think it was about 85%) would stop being friends with someone with HIV. With those odds is it any wonder that people keep it to themselves.

I would let your brother know that you know. Treatment for HIV is much more advanced now than it was 20 years ago, people do live much longer now with the condition.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 10/10/2008 22:28

Wow. you have been given some really good info on her. Can I just tell you a positive story. A friend of mine contracted HIV in 1984 and he is still here, by having a CS and not BF then they have given the baby the best possible chance. Can you tell your Mum?

daizydoo · 10/10/2008 22:38

Hi, It's a difficult call as whoever told you is breaking your brother and his wife's confidentiality. If you feel that you can't talk to your brother or your mum then I think you'll just have to be supportive in whatever way you can. Just to say that medication and treatments are great nowadays and there is no reason why they can't live a full normal life for many years to come.

Hope you manage to get your head around all this. If you have any questions then feel free to ask.

Original poster
orangehead · 11/10/2008 14:33

Thanks for all the advice. I couldnt get back on the computer last night as dh decided to hog it. Think Im going to talk to my mum. Feel better today, I was just so shocked last night and all these thoughts going around my head. Thankyou for the positive story five

OP posts:
KerryMumchingOnEyeballs · 11/10/2008 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cafebistro · 11/10/2008 14:44

My friend was diagnosed with HIV in 1999 and thinks she contracted it in the early 90's. She is on medication and is absolutely fine.

Elibean · 11/10/2008 14:48

I know someone who contracted it in the late 70s/early 80s, and is fine today on medication. Hang in there, glad you're feeling less shocked today.

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