Genital herpes - WTF?!

[gennyfromtheblock]

Name changed because… well I am mortified.

I’ll try and give some brief background. Have never had any symptoms of herpes of any kind. Was married for 10+ years. After we split I had an 18 month relationship.

Both of these men cheated on me, I ended it when I found out and had full STI screening after each.

A few months ago, I started dating someone. He said he had recently been tested, I am on the pill so about 12 days ago we had unprotected sex.

Within 3 days I was in agony. I put it down to being perimenopausal and possibly “dryer” down there than usual. However the pain got worse and worse. I went to my GP on Monday this week and she referred me straight away to the sexual health clinic.

Nurse was very very lovely, she took a look inside and she said she could see blisters around my vulva 😔 and suspected genital herpes. She took swabs and bloods but started me on antibiotics and antivirals anyway.

The pain when urinating, sitting down, is absolutely excruciating. Not to mention I feel completely wiped out and sick!

I cannot believe this has happened to me 😔 I feel utterly humiliated.

Nurse said the first outbreak is often the worse symptom wise. I finish my antiviral tablets this evening and I’m so worried because I’m still in a lot of pain!

As it happens, partner who I had most recently slept with, had been a bit of a knob this week (I told him I was having tests, but didn’t go into detail and he didn’t ask). But it’s got me thinking, did he know? I did ask him if he had ever had cold sores as he was showing me an old photo of him once and it looked like he had one, but he said no.

But in the future, if I meet someone new, will they run a mile?! Am I doomed to live in this pain multiple times a year? Can I pass it onto my children if I kiss them?

Yeah first flare up is the worst. For pain relief while urinating poor warm water from a jug on you, add a couple of drops of tea tree and a couple of drops of lavender to also ease the pain.

My best friend caught them from an ex and she, frankly, has never had a man say no since. She avoids sex during an outbreak and otherwise lives a normal life both dating and health wise.

This is helpful! I like anything that is natural, I’ll pick up some oils. Thankyou

That’s good to know. How does she broach the conversation and when?

Herpes isn’t part of an sti screening test

This is fine but just to make you aware that the BASHH guidelines state that transmission does not occur via fomites (sheets, towels, toilets, etc.). https://www.bashh.org/resources/23/updated_guideline_anogenital_herpes_2024/

I'm very sorry, OP. It might not be this partner, but he is the most likely culprit. I'd want to see a negative result on an HSV test before I believed him.

If you have HSV1 (more likely if he gave it to you via oral sex) then you'll be less likely to have repeat or severe outbreaks, as it's not 'acclimatised' to the genitals, so to speak. If it's HSV2, it'll be more likely to be a recurring issue, but you can take daily antivirals to keep it in check, and reduce the risk of asymptomatic shedding that could pass it to other sexual partners (which is how people who have the virus generally pass it on – they never show symptoms and don't even know they have it, but still have a risk of infecting others, which makes sense as if your partner had visible sores you'd probably say no to sex!!)

Of course, you do need to always be up front with sexual partners before engaging in sexual activity, but I have to imagine most men won't care.

I believe it's incredibly rare/impossible (?) to get the same strain of HSV on both genitals and face, so you won't have to worry about it getting on your mouth and infecting your children. And by that token, if you find out what strain you have, and your (current or future) sexual partner has that on his mouth, he shouldn't have to worry about getting it on his genitals from you, although I'd still be careful.

Usually outbreaks are heralded by a tingling or itching – you'll want to apply the cream as soon as you feel that. Better to apply it when you don't need it, than not apply when you do.

As for towels etc, I have HSV1 on my mouth from sharing drink bottles as a child (although only three outbreaks in adulthood, thank god) and when I've had outbreaks, I am overly careful with that kind of thing – I figure better safe than sorry and it's not any trouble!

I hope this outbreak clears up soon, OP!

My friend caught this off a guy, same as you it broke out a few days after sleeping with him. Months later he admitted he knew he had it. They used a condom so don’t feel silly about not using protection, I’d bet your man knows fine he’s got it. Make sure you go to a sexual health clinic as the practice nurse didn’t dose her antivirals correctly and didn’t give her all the creams etc that would help. Specialist treatment will help manage it better. She has a lovely new boyfriend who has been supportive and great about it.

HSV1, the type that has previously more commonly appeared on the mouth, is becoming a lot more common on the genitals. This is because of an increase in people practicing oral sex in recent decades. People don’t realise that someone can be asymptomatic with cold sores, perform oral sex on you and still pass it on genitally.

Herpes are not routinely tested for in an STI blood test because the tests are unreliable and can produce both false positives and false negatives. Swabs of the actual sores are the only way to test with absolute certainty.

Why on earth have unprotected sex?

Thanks so much to those of you who have taken the time to reply and put my mind at ease a little. Hopefully will get the test results back in a couple of days and then I’ll go from there.

As for current guy, I was having doubts anyway but this has sealed for me that I want to be alone for a while and focus on myself. I will tell him the outcome of my results, though I do wonder if he already knows hence why he has been a bit quiet since I mentioned I was in pain and having tests.

I recognised your username and having searched it, you’re consistently negative, judgemental and self righteous whenever anyone posts on here. Often starting your post with “why on earth”.

It must be so wonderful being someone who has never made a mistake in their life and can spend their time online casting judgement on strangers.

Have a great day!

Condoms do not protect against HSV

My DSis got HSV down below from oral sex with a man with a cold sore - I didn’t know it could happen that way.

Terrible initial outbreak and it can flare if she’s stressed but otherwise highly manageable, particularly when she looks after herself and manages stress levels

One prospective partner did run a mile when told. Win some lose some

It's not true that gh only lives in nerves below the waist. Although it tends to be in the sacral ganglia,it can mutate to other nerves.. the majority of humans carry the virus

They don’t test for genital herpes when you get STD test, they can only swab the actual blisters so you have to be in an active outbreak. But any guy you slept with will KNOW if they have it. Sorry hon.

You can get herpes even if you use protection...especially if its transmitted via oral sex

Thankyou to so many of you who posted supportive and reassuring messages the other day. It helped massively.

I got my results back today. HSV1 in the genitals so it would be have been contracted through oral sex. Only three men who it could have been over the last 15 years or so (one my husband of 10+ years and the other I have known for many years and dated for 18 months- never saw cold sores on either of them. So I can only assume that it’s from the new guy… but I will never know for sure.

Symptom wise things a lot lot better than they were a week ago, so I’m relieved about that. Just hoping I don’t have another episode anytime soon!

HSV1 isn't only spread from oral sex. The good news is people tend to get fewer genital outbreaks than with HSV2.

I know two women with the same thing contracted from men who get cold sores but didn’t have any obvious ones at the time.

I think it’s most likely you got it from the more recent guy. It’s a bit too much of a coincidence. He may genuinely not have known there was any risk.

I also contracted it via oral sex - he didnt have an active sore at the time but it erupted a couple of days later ...I got it 8 months ago and haven't had an outbreak since .

Have you ever developed cold sores on your mouth since?

You're not likely to ever develop it on your mouth, since it's on your genitals.

I am wondering, because I obviously kissed the man’s lips who would have given it to me…

Yeah it's a funny one but for whatever reason it's not been caught that way- perhaps it is that the genitals are better conditions for spreading an sti.
Additionally, the man might not have had it on his lips. Perhaps they are a carrier of HSV1 genitally and don't know. Neither of you might have HSV1 on the mouth.