Name change, but I've been on here for 10 years.
I had blood from my nipple for a year. Two lots of mammograms and ultrasounds over 5 months showed nothing - not a damn thing. So in June I had a total duct excision for symptom relief. What the surgeon found was stage 2-3 invasive breast cancer. I've been sitting here, through the heatwaves, having to wear a bra and dressings 24/7 for a month, with a wound that won't heal due to the cancer. I also had infection and necrosis and lost half my nipple. I've been unable to do anything except sit here in pain and read, crochet and doom scroll - my ADHD is going mental as it wants and needs to do something!
I'm booked in for a mastectomy and sentinel lymph node removal on Monday 27/7, after being injected with radioactive isotopes and dye (apparently I'll be peeing blue for a while lol). After I've healed I'll need an MRI to check if it's gone, and if I also have cancer in my left breast. That will be followed by radiotherapy and possibly chemo.
To top it all off, my car has decided to give up the ghost now, when I need it most. I've been advised NOT to drive it. So how the heck do I get around? Radiotherapy alone will be 5 days a week for up to 7 weeks. No community transport available in my area (rural), and using public transport will involve taking 6 buses a day with a long walk, whilst fatigued and in pain, every day. If they bother showing up. I'll have to go to my GP surgery for wound checks, and no buses go near there. I can't afford a car - I can barely afford food for the kids.
I'm just so fed up, I really am. Instead of concentrating on recovery, I'm worried sick about not having a car. And the kids are taking this hard - I'm so worried about them. They're both neurodiverse and aren't coping well. The ex is also dissing me every chance he gets, telling the kids thing like: Your mum always wanted cancer'. ffs
I'm a strong person, but I'm scared. I'm really scared. I don't want to do this. And if the cancer is also in my left breast I'll have to go through it all again. I don't know how much more I can take. Tempted to just clock out.
Sorry for the long post, I guess I just needed to get this off my chest.