need a kick up the bum - am getting over anxious about couple of medical appts tomorrow.

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

Am getting myself over anxious about tomorrow -
GP first thing - blood test results for glands being up + just checking white cell count level (apparently last couple were low despite big psoriasis flare)

Then appt at hosp about my eye - consultant is going to look and see if my lens has deteriorated any further (had cataract ops last year and one replacement lens isn't how it should be) Long story told here before. Am worried in case its worse and I need to consider whether I want to take any action against manufacturer of lens - a thought that makes me feel sick. really really don't want to but at the same time if its that thats causing my poor vision then I don't think its good enough just to shrug shoulders and say 'oh bad luck, shame it happened'

Sorry rambling a bit.

Hardly got any sleep last night and I just want to not worry and get on with life.

Oh, poor kitten. It's horrible to have things hanging over you. Can you plan a treat for the end of the day? It's what we used to do to cheer ourselves up after going in for scans, etc - just coffee and cake, or getting something from M&S for tea. I know it won't shift the worry, but little points of brightness in a tough day can help.

thats an idea Habbibu - thanks - dd is going to a friends for tea so we don't have to worry about timings and dh is taking the day off which is really good of him.
depending on how long we are camped at hosp might be able to go to garden centre or something - wearing sunglasses to hide freaky dilated eyes.
Last time it was so busy there were no seats and consultant came out to find me and dh sat on floor. Most people who attend that clinic are elderly so we are forever giving up our seats.
sorry rambling again!

Oh, I'm glad DH is going with you - makes such a difference. Perhaps take some cushions and a picnic to hospital?! If the lens isn't right, can it be replaced?

I have thought about taking our camping chairs would love to see consultants face at patients having to take their own chairs.

Replacing the lens is horrid major surgery - when they remove the natural lens they leave the capsule that holds it in place and put the artificial lens in. The back of my capsule clouded over so had to have a hole cut in it with a laser. that makes it complicated and risky now.

So have said that unless my vision becomes intolerable I'd rather not risk losing my vision in that eye.

Makes me very all this - am 36 - wish it had all never happened.

Oh, bloody hell. How crap. You have every right to be sad - these things weigh very heavily, I think. Is the stress affecting your psoriasis?

it is rather, (oh flipping heck, feel all teary, was being brave on the outside!) esp. on scalp. Tis ironic - am back using steroids which caused the cataracts in first place.
I seem to have lost loads of weight as well which I think is stress - gone down to 7st 9.
oh hark at me (don't say that in real life ) being all whiney.
thanks Habbibu.

Right - I have a spare hour and a half before I have to do anything. Am going to play lego indiana jones.

Have fun - and get out in the sun! Unless it doesn't help you... Lego Indiana Jones sounds intriguing. Will you let me know how you get on? Will think about you tomorrow.

Hope your appointments go well tomorrow Kitten. I know exactly how you feel as I have some horrible health tests hanging over me and I get really stressed about it.

Habbibu's description of 'little points of brightness' to look forward to is spot on and what I try to do to get through it. The Lego Indiana Jones does sound interesting - my current stress buster is playing Luxor which I first discovered in the mn games section but got so addicted I had to go out and buy the full version of the game. 'Tis very soothing blasting those coloured balls.

Thanks
Sun does help and was a good idea - good mood booster.
Lego Indiana Jones is good fun - we've got the playstation version. Tis quite easy so not too frustrating.

Wine - have you got an appt date for your tests?

I'll let you both know how it goes after (when i can see the screen!)

Yes let us know how it goes tomorrow. Will send good vibes for you.

I think one of my tests will be on 4th July - there is a very slight chance it might be this Friday but v. unlikely. The other one will be arranged after the first one is done and any neccessary treatment sorted. I am very nervous and unsure about having it done - keep thinking I might end up doing what my dear old gran once did as she was being wheeled down to theatre {that was for a cataract operation I think }- she sat up and said " Oh I feel lots better now - I'm going home ." And hopped off the trolley and went

kitten I knew about the psoriasis but not your eyesight problems

huge lardy preggy hugs from me and stop being so hard on yourself
you are entitled to be anxious with good reason and its the not knowing that is the worst part

will be sending huge positive thoughts your way at all appropriate points and remember to have some rescue remedy on stand by

thanks dizzy - mostly I just get on with it cos I can either spend life feeling all sorry for myself and being miserable or I can make the most of it and just get on. Its been a horrid year with my eyes and i spent ages moping so i've done enough of that now.
I hate appts though - have had some horrid ones and I dread them.
Rescue remedy is probably a better idea than turning up having drunk beer (though beer is good tonight hence being super rambly - sorry)

and have given you a stern talking to in the bar as well

now what time am I thinking positive please?

am not wanting to think too hard in middle of tesco or something and wet myself

!!!!

gp - is 8:40 but thats a minor one which wouldnt normally bother me.
Hosp is 10:45 nominally.

right, you're pencilled in for both - if I pop up on the seat next to you then I'm trying too hard lol

lol!!! that would be quite startling!!!! I'm sure you have jobs to do

shall force myself to ignore the housework especially!

good luck this morning, have been positive thinking you through the GP appt, will relax again till hosp time

awwww thank you

have a few minutes between appts - got seen on time by gp.
Bloods are good.
Slightly concerned about weight loss - I'm not to supplement my diet with extra high cal stuff so she can see next appt whether its still dropping. She said she may give my permission then to supplement with extra chocolate
Glands still up in neck and theres one in my arm pit up. Also she could feel some in my groin but as I'm so skinny now she can't tell whether they are normal or not.
So going back in two weeks. If the are still up in neck then its ear nose and throat. If they are up else where too then its off to somewhere else (forget where)

Am not particularly concerned about this stuff, I think its prob just a bit of stress or something. Its just to rule stuff out then I can carry on being a bit weird!

ok.
need to gather stuff for next appt....

RESCUE REMEDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks!!!!!!

Am back - after a stop for a pub lunch.
Clinic was busy today so it was quite a wait - but thats how it goes.
Good news is the lens hasn't deteriorated further and my vision is pretty much the same as last visit.
Surgeon was v. good - really listened and we talked over options. He is referring me to someone who is v. experienced for a second opinion. He's also going to chase up the lens manufacturer to get a proper response from them.

Am shattered and a bit fed up. Feel a bit like a self-obsessive today. Apart from the eye stuff (and psoriasis) I'm sure theres nothing wrong with me that a good rest and a holiday wouldn't sort out.

permission granted for self obsession

brillint news that its not deteriorating though am delighted