Relative with cancer avoiding treatment.

[McPom]

Apologies if I'm not posting in the right place, but I have a relative who has recently been diagnosed with cancer and is finding reasons not to make or attend appointments. For example, it's at an inconvenient time of day. My question is, do I say, please take any appointment you're offered, time is of the essence, or do I say nothing because ultimately its not my illness and I don't have the right? Thanks.

If she has appointments, she should cancel or attend. Just not turning up is unfair as it means someone else could have been seen.
If she chooses not to have any treatment that is her choice.

My thoughts are with your relative. Very tough place to be.

Good point -sorry I didn't mean they were just not turning up, I meant they were cancelling or not making appointments. Thank you for your advice too.

It's very common to decline active treatment, especially if the treatment will only prolong the suffering.

How you proceed depends on whether they are your child, sibling, parent, cousin etc.

Is it actually reasonable/expected that you should try to influence them?

It is their choice what they do for treatment I’m afraid

I think there are circumstances where it is the right thing to do to not go for the treatment, as pp said, it can prolong the agony and reduce quality of life to such an extent that it becomes a negative

Hugs OP. For you and your relative.

They have the right not to subject themselves to unnecessary suffering. Without pressure or interference from anyone else.

You could ask if they would like someone to come with them to appointments, if it is about fear or not feeling able to attend something like this alone.

Thank you. This all makes sense. I think it's more about undergoing treatment making everything seen more real and therefore more frightening, rather than not wanting treatment, but maybe I'm mistaken. I know it isn't for me to say.

My friend went through this, she knew the life long consequences of the treatment and spent some time questing the point of it all. Her mum knew and begged her to get treatment but that upset her more. One of the hardest things I’ve had to do was sit and listen to the reasons why she was thinking what she was but not try and beg her to change her mind.
Ask them why but don’t try and influence, you just need to listen to them. It’s not easy.

Thanks for your advice Thinkle. I'm sorry to hear you've been in a similar situation.