I'm going to be unemployed

[alicewithnohumps]

Basically I have real trouble sleeping, and have had to phone in sick to work several times because I literally haven't slept at all.

Last night for example we ate at 6, took little girl to bed at 7 and we usually chill downstairs then go to bed around 8:30.

We go to bed there are no lights, phones, sounds.

Some nights I nod off by 9 but last night I got to sleep at 4:30 (ish) am.

My daughter woke at 5:30 which is everyday plus getting up at least twice at night so hence we go to bed early.

At this point I had to ring in sick. There is no way I could of had the strength or energy to carry out my 13 hour shift.

Now my sickness is being monitored, which I totally get, if I was an employer I would do the same.

I can't take sleeping tablets because I still need to get up with daughter in the night, I have bought new mattress, pillows pjs and bedding, I have tried warm baths, horlicks, relaxation apps.

Basically I need some help and advice before I find myself losing another job for the same reasons as last jobs...sickness level

You do need help and seeing your GP is a good start. Does your company offer OCC Health support? They usually also offer a wellbeing support and can provide advice on sleeping.

There are many things that can be done but that doesn't always cure it. CBT is also known to be good for insomnia.

I'd advise to start downloading and if you can afford it, paying for the premium as it offers brilliant advice and relaxation methods to help with sleep.

As for sleeping pills they are never a suction long term, but can certainly help short term. Do you have a partner who could step in during that time?

Have you tried going to bed later? I know that you are dealing with a child waking early, but my guess is you aren’t tired. You probably think you need to go to bed that early but I really think a later bedtime might work here.

Because you then get anxious that you aren’t sleeping, that keeps you awake. If your dd goes to bed at 7, going to bed at 8.30 gives you only 90 minutes to tidy up/wind down. What would happen if you went to bed at 9.30, or even 10?

I'm like a bear with a sore head if we go at 10. At weekends we generally go to bed at 9:30 and even then I struggle at times. I'm working tomorrow and Sunday and I am already anxious that I won't get to sleep. It's just a bad cycle x

Honestly, you can't call in sick just because you've had no sleep. You need to pull your pants up and get on with it.

You do go to bed very early though. Maybe try going up a lot bit later.

Why can't her Dad get up in the night when you've had to take something!????

Unfortunately I think you are going to have to be that bear with a sore head. Going to bed at 10 and getting up at 5.30 is seven and a half hours. Even with waking once or twice that’s really not bad.

What do you do after you've called in sick? Do you go back to bed/back to sleep during the day?

If so, it's no wonder you can't sleep plus if you're eating at 6 and in bed by 8.30 you haven't digested your evening meal.

Bed at 9.30 should ensure you get 8 hours sleep before your dd gets up and if you plough through after a sleepless night you'll have more chance of getting a good sleep after your 13 hour shift.

It would never occur to me to call in sick after a sleepless night; no matter how rough I might feel I'd stlll go to work and suggest you do the same before you're fired from yet another job,

I frequently go to work after a sleepless night unfortunately. It is tough the next day but just one thing of those things and you just need to push through it. I certainly wouldn't justify a day off for not enough sleep.

I think you need to do a bit of a sleep hygiene piece.

8.30pm is way too early to be in bed, and it's not helping you so you need to reassess that, 9.30pm is more reasonable

My DH went through a period of insomnia and the GP gave the following advice which helped him to get back into a routine, enough that he was able to drop most of the steps and still get to sleep.

6.30pm - light low carb dinner, high protein not stodgy, have a bigger meal midday instead.

8.15pm - write a list of anything you want to do the next day, anything you didn't get done today, anything bothering you. Get it out of your head and set it as something to think about in the morning.

1 hour before bed turn off electronics, no screen time at all. Use the time to read, do mindfulness, yoga, have a bath, hobby like knitting, colouring, something calming.

Bedtime, make sure you are comfy, wearing something that doesn't catch, twist, dig. That you're sheets smell nice, that your room is a good temperature, that your curtains or blinds block out any lights.

I'm afraid I've had this from staff and no it isn't looked on favourably. Without wishing to be harsh , half the women on shift havery been up half the night at any given time. The job they do is strenuous and long button it's life I'm afraid. I include myself. When dc were small image am not exaggerating when I say for weeks I average about 2 hours a night.

OK granted when I started seeing things after they were struck by a sickness bug then I took time off but that was a one off.

I'm not suggesting people go in sick at all but if you call in every time (it sounds like you do it often as you say you have lost jobs over sick time before and I'm assuming it's connected ) it makes you incredibly flaky.

I genuinely am sympathetic to sleep issues I have horrendous insomnia for about 6 weeks a time then I get a month ish off and it comes back. At its absolute worst I was getting an hour ish I stopped driving when I was so sleep deprived but if I'd stopped working. ..no money ...so tough I had to see it through.

I am afraid I often go to work after virtually no sleep (thanks, menopause). You can do it.

In the meantime I second the sleep hygiene advice and taking turns with your partner (do you have a spare room you can sleep in on your nights “off”?)

My sympathies OP, and I can understand why you couldn't go in. Used to have terrible insomnia. Try this - the military method of getting to sleep
www-independent-co-uk.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/national-napping-day-2019-fall-asleep-fast-military-trick-sleep-a8817826.html?amp_js_v=a2&amp_gsa=1&amp&usqp=mq331AQCKAE%3D#aoh=15720466123880&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&amp_tf=From%20%251%24s&ampshare=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.independent.co.uk%2Flife-style%2Fnational-napping-day-2019-fall-asleep-fast-military-trick-sleep-a8817826.html

But what is being done by you other half? Everything you have written makes it sound like you are solely responsible for the lo?

You can’t just call in sick because you haven’t slept. There are times I’ve been awake all night or finally fallen asleep at 5am but I’ve still got up at 7 and gone to work. You need to push through it if, as you imply, you’ve been let go more than once as a result of not going in.

There are a variety of sleeping tablets you could try too, some of which are very mild and likely to just help you fall asleep but not prevent you waking if you need to. Although I'm not clear if you have a partner and if so why they aren't helping.
If you look up "sleep hygiene" that should find you some useful information for routines to help too.

Have you tried watching an asmr video on YouTube just before you go to bed. I'm another one who also thinks you're going to bed far too early

There is a specific type of cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia that has a very high success rate. I did a training course run by Dr Jason Ellis and have been using it clinically and on myself. It works for me. I think this is the book, but I do it over 6 weeks, rather than 1. www.amazon.co.uk/One-week-Insomnia-Cure-Learn-Problems/dp/1785040634/ref=nodl_?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

www.nhs.uk/oneyou/every-mind-matters/sleep/?WT.tsrc=Search&WT.mc_id=Sleep&&gclid=CjwKCAjw3c_tBRA4EiwAICs8CiTTPNjOtAJcPoqJpwpg0D1hxigTGUj2RDKIqmfV6_qqHJkqECWSQRoCajIQAvD_BwE

I think a number of posters here don't really understand what chronic insomnia is like. It's very different to having one bad night. Of course you can go to work when this happens, we all do. Chronic insomnia though means that you suffer from very delibitating symptoms every single day, and one even worse night is enough to make make you a potential danger, so could indeed impact on your performance as much as having a fever.

OP, sleeping problems are very complex and very hard to resolve. A lot of it is mentally driven, being stuck in a vicious circle of anxiety and stress, some of it can also be hormonal and there is much harder to manage.

One thing is certain, worrying about poor sleep is the best way to end up sleeping poorly, hence cognitive behaviour therapy being helpful. It hasn't sorted mine out sadly, but it is making me live with it a bit better.

Do know that there are many people suffering from it, so you're not the only one dealing with the horrendous impact of it.

I go through phases of chronic insomnia and have zopiclone on prescription.

The op states she can't take anything in case he DC wakes in the night. Her partner needs to step up and do some of the nights so OP can take medication if that what she needs to help reset her clock.