Dd1 had her assesment today with the community paediatric doctor

[Marne]

Dd was being asseset for her behaviour, fears and phobia's.

The paediatric doctor went through a few tests to test her learning, eye contact etc.

Dd has a fear of females which we have no clue to why she has. The doctor asked me lots of horrid questions which i was kind of expecting but made me slightly and , she asked if dd1 had ever been abussed of if i had ever smacked her, i was of course the answers were no. She told me Dd1's phobia of females is simalar to the behaviour of an abussed child. Dd1 has never realy been out of my sight apart from when i went back to work she spent one day a week with my aunt.

Anyway she goes on to talk about dd's problems socialising with other children and adults and she said at first she thought dd had Aspergers, this was ruled out after a few more questions and small tests.

Anyway at the end of the assesment her verdict was that dd1 is very bright (maybe g&t) she finds it hard to socialise (which she needs help and pushing with), she suffers from anxiety (sp) which may be something she has got from dh (he suffers from depression etc..). She also said we must get dd1 into a nursery in september to help her mix with others and to give her a break from her routine at home.

She wants to see her in 6 months to review the situation.

Sorry about the long post and the bad spelling, i just wanted to share this with people who might understand, im also looking for tips on how to put dd in situations where she has to mix with others without her getting to stressed out.

thanks for listning

my son had similar probs. dont know old yr dd is, I found toddler groups good and tumbletots also just things that get them socializing if they want ie not forced can perhaps just play alongside children, also places they can socialize but in the safety of you there. Also things like tumbletots or lessons the emphasis is on what they doing rather than interacting, even though they are interacting. Is there an activty you think she would really enjoy, ballet, dancing, swimming? My son has made huge improvements. for a yr and a half he didnt say a word at tumbletots then one day out of the blue started talking freely to the teachers. I think aim for baby steps, ie gradually moving away when at toddler grp etc and commending her on even small progress. Afterwards my son always seemed so happy with himself when he joined in. Good luck

Thanks orangehead, she's 3.6, we hav'nt got a tumbletots near which is a shame, toddler group could be a good idea.

That must have been a stressful day marne, well done for getting through it! So it sounds like from what the paed was saying that your dd stops short of having diagnosable stuff, that it's behavioural really, possibly for want of a better way of putting it, anxiety picked up from her home situation?

In which case I'm sure she will be helped by you and your DH relaxing about her. You now know she's basically fine and is a very clever girl. I think it will help her if you wholeheartedly accept her for what and who she is. She may be shy/not a good mixer....she may get better at those things or she may not, plenty of shy or anti-social people lead very happy lives indeed and acheive great things!

If this was me I would do as the paed said and get her into a nursery but don't EXPECT anything of her, don't focus on whether she talks to or plays with other kids at all. Just going and being around kids is fine IMO.

Go at HER pace and let her lead you. Don't try and force her to mix, otherwise she will pick that up as an anxiety.

Maybe a swimming class might be fun? There are classes where you can go in together. Or just go swimming together; you'll be around lots of other people but the focus is on having fun and doing your own thing.

So basically I think if she does nursery, and you take her to a group, and maybe swimming, then that sounds enough to me....and don't worry about what she DOES at these places, at all. Just going is enough IMO.

Good luck!

Invite children over for 1 to 1 playing - if she is worried about other children try mixing with younger children who are less threatening, or with an older gentle child who will be patient with her.

Try the libary for storytime sessions where she can sit on your lap - they may also have info there on toddler groups - music groups are good for less confident children.

When you arrive at a toddler group etc try to get there early so that you are not walking into a room full of children - also try groups that are early in the morning or over lunch time so that they are less crowded.

Going to the park, museum, restaurant or toy shop are all opportunities to get used to being with other children without having the pressure to socialise with them. Try not to push her too much - praise her for every thing she does, each stage will be a huge step for her, like joining in, talking to a child, getting off your lap.

I've been in a similar situation to yourself and by the age of 4 my ds really improved in confidence - he is still shy and very sensitive but enjoys playing with other children and I have no worries now about him. Hope all goes well for you.

Thankyou,

I like the idea of taking her to the libary as she loves reading books.

We have tried swimming which seemed to go well, she got alot of atention from oldre children but when i asked her if she wanted to go again she said she did'nt like it , i dont want to force her, maybe we can try again in a few weeks.

Today has efected dh and i ,dh is upset as dd1 is turning out like him and i think he blames himself.

Marne
FWIW I would go with your instincts and if community paeds opinion dosen't quite answer or if suggestions don't meet your kiddies needs then find other route.
MY DS was seen by community paediatric consultant and it was the worst piece of medical advice i have ever seen. Thank GOD I didn't listen. Interesting she said that my child just needed greater exposure to peer group and non threatening social situations.
Still makes me angry 8 years later!

pagwatch ~ have to say I agree with you. Not trying to scare you marne but 1 assessment isn't enough imo to rule things out.
Your child needs to be seen in many settings.
I am only saying this as I got shouted at when my own dd was a similar age as yours when I mentioned I felt she was on the autistic spectrum.
Now please I am not for one minute saying this is the same for you but please be careful.

Thanks pagwatch, dh says the same, maybe i should'nt listen to evrything she said, it has made me take s different view on dh's depression and how it may effect the dd's, i worry that they are picking up on the fact dh is'nt always happy and sometimes grumpy.

Before i spoke to her i was thinking of not sending dd back to nursery as she was better at home, i know she needs to mix with other children and adults but i dont want her to feel pushed into going.

Dd does go out and mix with others, we go to soft play etc, but she does'nt like large groups of children or adults, she does aproach other children and talks to them/trys to play (she spoke to a little boy in Adams yesterday which was brave for her.