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Original poster

Lack of libido

16 replies

Whatashame · 07/02/2007 10:05

I have changed my name because I find this is a very difficult subject to talk about. Here we go.
Since I had ds1, my libido has been very low. A lot of different reasons (tired, painfull episiotomy, pg again...) but ds2 is nearly 2yo and I still don't feel like having sex.
I had PND with ds1 but I am not depressed anymore and haven't been for some time...
I don't feel like errr... giving myself some pleasure whereas before if I didn't make love on a regular basis, I would have had erotic dreams/want to touch myself.

I don't really know where to go from now.

OP posts:

multitasker · 07/02/2007 10:19

Is it a case of being too tired, or are you subconsciously afraid of another pregnancy, or have your feelings towards dp changed?
I wouldn't be a nympho but if it didn't happen atleast once a week I'd feel as though I was saying something to my dh.

foxinsocks · 07/02/2007 10:20

have you spoken to dh about it?

Scootergirl · 07/02/2007 10:21

I went through exactly the same when DD was small and was pg with DS.
I just felt like that side of me had kind of shut down and I had no interest in it whatsoever.
No advice, I'm afriad, apart from it came back about six weeks after DS was born so there is hope!

Original poster

Whatashame · 07/02/2007 10:38

I have been tired because ds2 is still getting up during the night on a regular basis but I don't think this is the problem.
I also have problem with endometriosis which makes a lot of the positions painfull when we are having sex. But I know which ones works and which ones don't.

foxinsocks, I am finding very difficult to talk about that with DH (upbringing issues). Even when I first had endo, I didn't say anything to him or the gynecologist whereas this is a very common symptom for it and it was really painfull. .
However, I haven't reached this stage this time.

multitasker, I am totally aware that DH is more than patient with me. Once a moth is not a lot . I just feel like hidding having said that. It sounds so awfull (for him).
But I still love him, nothing has changed on that side.

OP posts:

multitasker · 07/02/2007 10:42

Don't be too hard on yourself - it will get easier, when you get a bit more sleep you will feel miles better, and then you may remember how great it was!!

foxinsocks · 07/02/2007 10:43

do you think this may be one of the factors in the way you feel - maybe, if you could open up to dh, you could relax a bit more and start getting back into it?

Have you tried to get yourself turned on...so either reading a saucy book or just err getting on with it and seeing what happens?

you know what, I don't think once a month is THAT unusual.

Original poster

Whatashame · 07/02/2007 10:52

Thank you both. You made me smile.

I might try to saucy book actually. It could be a good way way to turn me on...
I suppose that I - and probably DH- would be happy with a once a month sex. But it would be great if I could really feel up to it!

OP posts:

gemmiegoatlegs · 07/02/2007 10:53

i feel exactly the same. the sex went off the track when i was pg with dc 1, started getting going again when he was about 18m, then fell off again when i fell pg with dd. She is now 18 m and (i know it sounds awful) but i force myself to do it for dh's sake. I am totally happy in my relationship apart from this.

My one suggestions that have helped a bit is
take some time away from everything together, without your l.o and all the responsibilities of home/work etc. We recently had a weekend away in a nice hotel and away from all the drudgery of home life and who hasn't put the washing on/emptied the potty/bought the milk...i felt a lot more relaxed and more like my old self.

Also, i've found that i quite enjoy the sex once we get started. i just seem to have this psychological block getting going in the first place.

Original poster

Whatashame · 07/02/2007 12:38

Gemmie, I know what you mean when you say that you force yourself... It's hard isn't it?

I quite like the idea of going away and I actually think that we need some time on our own anyway (and have a lie in... That would be like paradise!). I will see with DH about organising the week end away that my PIL have proposed us. I had forgotten about it!

OP posts:

gemmiegoatlegs · 07/02/2007 12:45

i'm sure it will do you the world of good - there's nothing like getting out of your routine.

popmum · 07/02/2007 13:04

are you on the pill? there has been other threads about this reducing libido. I've just come off it for this reason (plsu some others!)

cori · 07/02/2007 13:08

are you sure you are not still depressed. I have been taking ADs for a few months for PND and I am stunned at the effect on my libido, it hasnt been like this for years.

Original poster

Whatashame · 07/02/2007 13:40

I am of the pill because of its side effects since dc1 (I am getting depressed on it).
So our contraception atm is preservative and abstinence (which we are quite good at...)

OP posts:

pianist · 07/02/2007 13:48

Popmum - I read that thread with interest and would really like to know if you think it makes a difference.

popmum · 07/02/2007 14:07

still bit too early for me to say and I am still sorting out alternative contracption (getting a cap - need to go back to docs to get it fitted (not exactly a day to look forward to!)), but i do feel much better already - no massive mood swings so far and feel happier generally.

foxinsocks · 07/02/2007 15:56

oh yes, it definitely made a difference for me (not taking hormonal contraception).

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