Sorry-forgot title-long one just needed to tell someone about my ladygarden ordeal !

[sleepymumof3]

I am back home feeling thoroughly miserable having prepared myself for surgery for nothing !
15 years ago i had a traumatic delivery which resulted in me being incontinent from my bowels after a badly repaired 4th degree tear.I also had a rectocele.I put up with it until dd2 was born and then had a really succsessful repair job and had my perineum rebuilt.
I then had another pregnancy 10 years later and after much debate decided to go for a vaginal del.
Baby got stuck again in second stage and i pushed for over 4 hours.
Within 6 months my prolapse was back and perineum really sore again.I saw a consultant who wanted to do a double repair and hysterectomy within 6 months.Am only 35 so was a bit taken aback.Having teenage daughters and a baby son didnt want to rule out having another one so i asked for a second opinion. On the day of my consultation the cons. was on hol so i saw her registrar.She agreed that i didnt need a double repair or a hysterectomy, and that regardless of whether or not i wanted more children i shouldnt have to put up with it at my age.She booked me in for a posterior repair and to have my perineum rebuilt.I went into hosp Tue having arranged cover for 12 weeks off work, my parents flew home from abroad to help dh and all the usual arrangements were in place as was meant to be in for a week.Was gowned up and signed consent form and everything-the consultant herself popped in purley out of courtesy because i am staff.During our little chat she mentioned that i was 100% sure id never have children again and could she sterilize me at the same time !
I told her i had been up front all along and declined hysterctomy ect as i couldnt say for certain i wouldnt have another child.She was shocked and said she wouldnt go ahead unless i was sure (had good reason but the registrar had basically given me the wrong advice )They were literally waiting outside my room with the theatre trolley when i decided not to go ahead.I asked if she could just sort out my perineum but she said it was a major op and needing entirely rebuilding again-to go home and put up with it until id either had another baby or could be sure i didnt want one ! I am so bloody up and down now because i was all prepared to go and then didnt.Worse still i was looking forward to getting my sex life back !Sorry this is so long but i needed to tell someone and its so private i couldn`t discuss this with my parents who are in a bit of a daze as to whats going on !

Oh that's awful! I don't understand why, in theory, you couldn't have another child by c-section? I can't believe she sent you home at the last minute. Poor you.

Oh blimey - you poor thing. Grim to have to put up with all that, and when you thought it was all going to be sorted, horribly disappointing to have it snatched (hah!) away from you at the last minute like that.

Oh that is awful! Can you complain to them about the poor advice you were given?
It seems totally unreasonable to expect you to put up with it too, it is ridiculous. Is your gp supportive, can they help?

Still sniffing but thanks for replies.I wont complain because the reg apologised and i know she`ll get a real dressing down and maybe something a bit more formal.She was only doing what she thought best and it was what i wanted to hear at the time !
At least i have still got my lovely uterus in my very maternal body !

I'm sorry you've been though all this, sounds horrible, but it's nice to hear someone who is big enough forgive a mistake these days.

I am pretty sure I want 1 more kid, but my gynae said that he'd do the repair anyway. When I pressed him on the subject he said that I'd just have to have c-sections afterwards and I'd hate the idea, so I've put it off. There are definitely two schools of thought as to whether they should do it anyway, but quite a lot of research to suggest that the pregnancy, not just the delivery can undo to op.

I hope you're feeling better soon

Crimplene-do you live in the uk ?
I just couldn`t go for a c section either . Are you going to hang on ?

Yeah, I live in the west mids. I'm supposed to have an anterior repair, a posterior repair and a perineoplasty. I have to say I didn't like this gynae one bit - he was talking to his nurse about the cricket while I'm lying there, legs akimbo.

I was worred that he only offered because of the statistics - much better outcomes in pre-menopausal women (I'm 31) but the avaerage age of the patients they see is 70 aparently! He was also willing to operate while I'm still BFing which is a v bad idea (or perhaps he thought he'd just tell me to stop?), especially as prolapses often get a bit better when you finish BFing, healing's a lot worse, the anaesthetic comes through in the milk and DS would be heartbroken if I stopped abruptly and while he's so young.

So, mostly because I don't want to entrust my future sex life to an arrogant plonker, I'm going to hang on. Encouraged to hear that your previous op improved your sex life - that was something I was worried about - and still am.

I also saw a physio who said that PFEs could help (although not reattach the parts of the muscle that have torn free) and warned me off surgery unless I'm desperate.

I'm going to be in a real dilemma about whether I think I could face a CS if I get PG again - I just couldn't bear the idea of committing my myself to it, being more of a hippie, yoghurt-weaving, homebirth enthusiast. But it might be a good idea, so I'll worry about it if it happens.

hi,
i'm sorry to hear about the lack of organisation and difficulties you have had.

Can I ask Crimp, too, are you having this work ddone on the NHS? The damage you suffered, was it after one child?
I ask because, I was quite dmamged, and altho my gp says I am quite 'normal' I dont feel normal, and wondered about options for perineum problems ops.

I know things change after a baby, but I know I have changed alot down there.

Hi parategirl, yes, one baby, but 6 hours pushing (my choice, baby in no distress, didn't want to go to hosp)- although I feel that I would have had the same damage with forceps/ ventouse, as the muscle just wasn't going to give enough whatever. Plus, aparently I've got a really short perineum (sorry if tmi) so I think that was some of the problem.

Yep, they're offering it on the NHS, but I'm not taking up the offer for the reasons below, and tbh, I'm not so upset by it now I've had some time to get used to it (7.5mo). Plus I did a lot of research on all this and the outcomes are not always too good, most women need repeat ops even if they've 'completed their family' when it's done and it's worse than a CS in terms of recovery (apart from not trying to look after a new baby at the same time). Quite a few complain of painful sex pafterwards. I think I'll have to reassess when I get older as I can probably hold it at bay with PFEs for a while, but I don't know how long.

How long since the damage was done pirategirl?

Crimpelene
My gynae is really good i must admit.
I only went to her because i work at the hosp and she is excellent.
i know shell do a good job when im ready and all her work is research based and up to date.
If i decide to have another baby she 100% encouraged me to have a normal delivery.The damage is already done.In fact she said my prolapse could acyually improve during pregnancy as the growing womb lifts it up !
Must admit i had no problems following my previous surgery when i became pregnant.
I think ill put up with it because i always struggle big time pushing them out (op positions every time ).When ive def. finished my family in a few years she said she would actually enjoy doing it because she can make a big differrence.
I can see her point that if i went ahead last week all her good work would have been undone if i had another baby.

sleepy, that sounds really good. Are you feeling better? I'll be asking around for recommendations like that when I finally decide to get it done. I prefer the idea of a woman doing the surgery as I somehow imagine they'd do a better job (I'm sure that's rubbish, but anyway)