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Original poster

My dad is thinking about refusing further treatment...

19 replies

roisin · 19/07/2006 20:22

.. and I completely understand and am actually surprised he hasn't got to this position sooner. But it's still gut-wrenching

He was diagnosed with cancer (multiple myeloma) 4 years ago, and has done better than his doctors expected; but he's had just about every treatment going and has had enough. (Loads of different chemo, steroids, thalidomide, loads of courses of radiotherapy, metalwork in his arms and legs to replace the crumbled bones, neckbrace, stem-cell transplant ... you name it, he's had it and they all have unpleasant side-effects.)

It's my mum and dad's 40th wedding anniversary in 4 weeks' time, and I think that's his psychological milestone

OP posts:
Overrun · 19/07/2006 20:25

I am sorry that your Dad is having to make such a difficult decision.
I am sure the fact that you understand however gut wrenching, will be really important to him.
I haven't spoken to you before, and you may well have posted wanting to speak to some mnetters that you know so I won't go on
Just want to say that I think you are being very brave

MamaG · 19/07/2006 20:26

for you. Its very difficult isn't it.

sunchowder · 19/07/2006 20:26

Ah Roisin, just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts, it is so difficult to ever be ready to lose your parents. He has been very, very strong to have made it so far. As long as he has peace with this decision, I can see that you are doing your best to support him. Both of my parents are gone and I understand the grieving and the loss. Take strength in your lovely memories. You have my sympathies.

Beauregard · 19/07/2006 20:27

dont know quite what to say but so sorry.

Blandmum · 19/07/2006 20:28

I'm so sorry Roisin.

Sending you hugs.

Is the local hospice involved in his care now?

Chandra · 19/07/2006 20:28

I'm very sorry to hear that Roisin. Don't know really what to say, or how to say it, but I'm sending you a big hug.

cat64 · 19/07/2006 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

misdee · 19/07/2006 20:31

i'm sorry roisin

FWIW peter thought about refusing treatement as well. i think it happens to most people when faced with serious life threatening illness.

still ad hugzzzz for your family at this time.

tissy · 19/07/2006 20:32

My FIL made the same decision. He had prostate cancer which had spread to the bones, had lost his wife to cancer 2 years previously, and decided enough was enough. He died shortly after he had seen each one of his sons and their children to say goodbye.

It is sad, but, as you say, understandable, and we all feel it was the right decision. His funeral was actually quite a happy affair, considering!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/07/2006 20:33

So sorry to hear this Roisin

What a difficult decision for your Dad, and heartbreaking for all of you.

xxx

Marina · 19/07/2006 20:38

Oh Roisin
He has gone through such a lot.
I hope you all manage to make that Ruby Wedding Anniversary a celebration to remember.
Does your mum think he's doing the right thing? I she comfortable with it XXX

Milliways · 19/07/2006 20:54

Oh I feel for you Roisin as my FIL made the same decision about 8 or 9 years ago. The staff at hospital and MacMillan nurses were wonderful though.

Thoughts and prayers are with you

Bozza · 19/07/2006 21:06

for you roisin. Although you understand his pov it is still very difficult.

Original poster
roisin · 19/07/2006 21:28

Thank you all for posting: it means a lot to me.
Roisin x

OP posts:
swedishmum · 22/07/2006 00:13

My mum decided she'd had enough last year - having had a hysterectomy she wasn't expected to survive 10years ago I could sort of see her point. She'd fought as hard as she could, had a very strong faith (perhaps more important to her than her family) and knew further treatment would not really work. I hope your father keeps going for the anniversary - my mum died a couple of hours after the end of my birthday and a few days after a much wished for move of house (even though she didn't see the house as she was in hospital) - human spirit and strength are very strong.

heiferjamese · 22/07/2006 08:37

Roison, my thoughts are with you as well. I have lost both my parents and certainly understand what you are going through.

It sounds as though he is lucky to have a DD that understands and doesn't beg him to change his mind. Well done for that I know it must be hard for you.

Hope you all get to enjoy the wedding anniv.

snorkle · 22/07/2006 09:34

Message withdrawn

sparklemagic · 22/07/2006 10:05

what a brave, brave man - I bet you're proud of him, though I know this must be unbearably upsetting.

I hope for his and your mum's sake he can get to the 40th Anniversary, that's quite something, isn't it.

thinking of you.

mousiemousie · 22/07/2006 10:25

He is a brave man. It sounds as though he has called for dignity now.

I would find this earth shattering - but it is really positive that he has been able to make a choice and to take back some control. I feel for you.

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