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Original poster

Friend terminally ill ....what can I do ?

10 replies

Steppy1 · 30/03/2006 18:38

She's not a close friend...but somebody that I've built a friendship with through business...diagnosed as terminal just under a year ago, just been told she has secondaries in her brain...she is so inspirational on how she copes...I want to DO something, but don't know what...... She says that she loves my banter and the fact that I don't "pretend" that everythings OK...I just want to hug her and cry for her and her children and DH........

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 30/03/2006 18:41

How about a homemade card or note about what she means to you and how she's touched your own life.

snowleopard · 30/03/2006 18:42

No personal experience but - ask her if there is anything she would like to do with you? - cultural things like gallery or cinema, a trip somewhere, spa day, or even just shopping (I remember Ruth Picardie used to write about how she loved shopping for fancy make-up and face cream after she was diagnosed, even though you might think it didn't seem "worth it" she said it was the best fun and escapism). It depends on what your friend is into but if she values your company she might welcome a day or evening out with you.

Original poster
Steppy1 · 30/03/2006 18:47

...there's a group of us meeting up tomorrow night for a "girls night out" ....I think it will get emotional as this could be one of her last nights out.....

OP posts:
Chapsmum · 30/03/2006 19:03

A dear friend of mine died of cancer, I nursed her untill she died. The thing she wanted more than anything else was for people to be normal with her, to live in the moment and see that she was there in our lives at that time. She was the same person, she just didn't have the same expectations about her future.

I made her up a basket with lotions and pampering things. She loved having mosturiser massaged on her legs as the got very stiff etc.

It is hard but please dont feel you have to pretend or ignore what is inevitable, instead live in the moment and apreciate her for what she s while you still can.
I treasure the normal time we spent together, the crying came when I no longer had her.

Hausfrau · 30/03/2006 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foxinsocks · 30/03/2006 19:23

there's been a book published recently by someone who had cancer - a sort of guide for things you can do I think. Let me see if I can find it.

foxinsocks · 30/03/2006 19:25

Here it is - it's by Deborah Hutton (a health journalist) and it's called What Can I do to Help

\link{http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1904977391/qid=1143743035/sr=2-3/ref=sr_2_3_3/202-1079363-2178231\what can I do to help}

WideWebWitch · 30/03/2006 19:38

Deborah Hutton died just after that was published didn't she? Poor you and your friend, I agree, ask her what you can do and be prepared to do it.

WideWebWitch · 30/03/2006 19:38

Deborah Hutton died just after that was published didn't she? Poor you and your friend, I agree, ask her what you can do and be prepared to do it.

foxinsocks · 30/03/2006 19:41

yes she did and she was only 49 (and had 4 kids)

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