Gah!!! Explaining website dev to non-techies

[Slowdownsally]

Oh, I've so had enough today!

My clients (normally lovely if not a little confused by web development) have sent a barrage of emails querying website results on google!

How the feck do you explain it to them in non-tech terms as they just don't get it!

The ads come top, the map results in the middle, the search results either side...

It's made worse by cheeky buggers listing/describing their sites as professionals in an industry they are not so they are unfairly listed in a business category they do not belong in.

I'm sorely tempted to send a full seo guide to them with no notes as I've just lost my rag with it today.

Please help me regain my cool demeanour with some handy platitudes and explanations.

They do sound irritatingly dim. I find muttering "ker-ching" to myself helps me get through days of client fuckwittery.

Sounds like a great opportunity to sell in more work. SEO training?

Mupperoon! You are a legend! Sell them training is perfect!

Right now I feel like doing just that, except the agony of the training session.

It's so hard as they had a badly constructed site and dodgy hosting provision - spamhaus blacklisted email server... Essentially every shade of bad.

What they have now is perfect for them and hugely improved, even though it's a very competitive marketplace. Yet... They are unhappy about a page 1 listing inside 3 weeks of the new site being live.

I need a new job, and wine... Lots of wine!