DD is lonely & struggling at college; how do I help?

[KatyMac]

She sent me "I know that I'm doin the right thing by going to college- it's the right thing for me, but I don't know how I feel about living alone, I'm not very good at it and I'm lonely"

So how do I help? I know I can't fix it....but I want to help

I thought there was another student with her but even then it is hard if they don't get on well. Do they have any halls of residence or could she move to a flat share with others on same course ? Is there a mentor at the college she could speak to ? iirc she has also been poorly recently which won't help , perhaps almost giving her permission to feel like this, everyone does from time to time, and a pamper parcel would help.

She has struggled with the practicality of it (cooking/washing etc) & yes she has been very poorly

She loves her flat - but somewhere busier might be better

I was wondering about volunteering - maybe Rainbows or Brownies? Good idea about mentioning it to college/a mentor

I'm hovering between getting her to come home each weekend & insisting she stays there to make friends

My mum has offered to go down alternate Wednesdays to help her with shopping/washing etc

But I don't know if these are the right things to do

A lot of my DDs friends go home at weekends and they are Uni age not the age of your daughter. If she is lonely and the major problem is weekends then I would allow her to come home to be honest. You don't want her giving up a course that is right for her nor getting really down.

Volunteering might be more midweek stuff and that won't stop her rattling around in her flat at weekends.

My DD is happy on her own but she is 18 and she is also real loner type, so she enjoys the peace of it and always has stuff to do because that is how she has always been from a very young age. I expect, given her interests, that your daughter is far more sociable than that and, for her, being on her own is probably quite the opposite.

We've made a plan!

Dh or my mum (or maybe my dad) are going to alternate going down mid week to keep her company on Wednesday & help with washing.

I'm going down alternate weekends to buy food & organise the other weekend she will come home

I've given her the numbers/websites of counselling places to talk to about how she feels and I've told her she is allowed to feel a bit down & lonely at times and that it's normal

I'm not sure that she was particularly sociable - but I think she was always very busy, now everything she did after school is done during school & she hasn't had a free night since about yr 8