fostering a family relative

[suzieanchloe]

Hi all im new to all this so please bear with me. my partner an i have been thinking about fostering for some time now and have just been doing our homework before we actually commit to applying with the local authority.
in the mean time an incident has happened concerning a family member and we are now concerned that social services will get involved an that the children may go in to care. they are our niece an nephew and obviously care a great deal for them an would do anything to make sure they are well cared for and are willing to foster them ourselves. was just wondering if anyone had any advice on this mater ie, how we go about doing this,whats involved an who we speak to? also does anyone have any advice on if there are any allowances to help us financially? would be very grateful for any advice.
thanks xxx

Hi i am 19 and i was in fostercare from the age of 14 years to 18 years.

I have seen some very disturbed children come and go.

I think fostering is wonderfull and i think alot of the people that commit themselfs to this job.

Regarding your niece and nephew....get in touch with your local authority and explain the situation and explain you are willing to foster them.
The only downside is that it will take a while for you to become foster carers as they will do police checks and alot more checks to see if you are suitable for this job.

would you be willing for your niece and nephew to go into foster care until you have been through the training and then if and when you become legal parents then you can have them living with you.

Ring the local authority and they will tell you all about it.

I think it is great you are willing to take this challenge on as it is not easy....its great as you want to help children that are experiencing an awfull child hood.

Good luck

Suzieanchloe - there is a real need for foster carers all over the country. you say you have been thinking about it but haven't yet "committed" yourself to contacting social services. There is no committment at all by making that contact. There is a great deal involved in fostering and you need as much information as you can get. SSD willnot expect you to be committed at the first stage of enquiry (in fact it would be worry if you were). So I would say get in touch and they will give you info and then if you are still interested they will invite you on a preparation course where you will hear about and be able to discuss all aspects of fostering, and decide if it is soemthing you feel you could do. If you still want to continue, a social worker will do an in depth assessment and finally a fostering panel will have to give their approval. It can be quite a lengthy process but I'm sure you realise great care has to be taken.

As far as fostering relatives is concerned (known as kinship care) then this could be a possibility. In fact if children are taken into care, the SSD have a duty to see if there are any relatives who could care for the children befor placing them with other foster carers. As you don't yet know what is happening,is it possible for you to contact the parents of the children in question and tell them you would be preapred to care for the children if it came to that. Otherwise you could contact the SSD and make that offer.

If the children are taken into care SSD should then contact you and would need to do police checks on you both and do an initial assessment on your suitability to care for the children. It is possible to place children for a period of 6 weeks in these circumstances whilst a full assessment of you is undertaken. It goes without saying really that it is so much better in the main for children to be placed with relatives, rather than strangers, so long as they will be loved and cared for. There is also the issue of the children's parents - how wouldyou cope with angle. All foster carers need to be non-judgemental and do their best to understand birth parents and how it has come about they are are unable to properly care for their children and I think this is especially important with relatives.

Anyway I would go ahead and make that call - you won't be committing yourself to anything at this stage. Happy to help further if it wouldhelp- I am a retired social worker with 30 years experience in fostering and adoption and still work independently, mostly assessing kinship carers.

hi roxy12 an NanaNina, thanks so much for the advice. today i have spoken to my local social services an had a type of mini interview over the phone and they are sending out a information pack an appication form so fingers crossed all goes well. it was both your kind words and advice thats helped me make that call so thank you very much! xxx
as for our neice an nephew theres no more news yet but we figered if we are going throuh the process of fostering then we half way there if things change an we need to look at what we can do to help them. feeling very excided now about the whole thing. just gotta read up on money matters now to make sure finacially this will be possible for us to do. any ideas on allowances etc?
also ss asked what age children i would be willing to take, my answer was -
im a nanny an a mum an my expirence ranges from newborn to 10 yrs so therefore i feel i maybe best suited to this age due to my expirence although it would depend on circumstances as each case is very different therefore would consider older if i felt i was able to meet their needs to the best of my ability. was this a good answer? what you think?
once again thanks alot for the lovely advice xxxx

Hi suzieanchloe- glad you found the advice helpful and glad that you made that call to SSD. Re the age of children to foster - much depends on the age of your own children as it is not advisable to foster children the same (or very near in age) to your own children. There really needs to be a 2/3 year gap and sometimes it is best for a fostered child to be the youngest. All of this will be discussed with you by the social worker and you will finally be approved for a specific age range. Obviously older children can sometimes have nore behaviour problems but that can be true of younger ones too, and SSD have much more of a need to foster older children. I think it's best for carers to start with younger children and maybe move on to older children when more experienced.

Re allowances. You will be paid a fostering allowance for each child (rates vary dependent upon age of child and specific local authorities) to cover their day to day needs. In addition you will be paid a "fee" sometimes called a "reward element" that is payment for the work you are doing in caring for the child and to compensate for the fact that you are not earning. You mention being a nanny - presumably you would be doing fostering instead? SSD should send you info about finances with the information they send you.

You sound lovely by the way but don't be worried about asking any questions of SSD and remember they need people like you. I think you're right about your niece and nephew - if you start the process you will be well on the way hopefully if they need foster homes. Again though you will have to think of whether they will fit with your own childre age wise. SSD will expect that you are giving proper consideration to your ownchildren in this, because that is very important.

A useful website is British Agencies for Fostering and Adoption (BAAF) and you can get useful information there.

Be interested to know how you get on

hi nananina,
hope you are well! thanks for your once again very helpful message! not much news this end at the moment as im still waiting for the application an info pack to come! may leave it another day or 2 an them cal them if it not arrived to see if its been sent yet, what you think?
as for the age of my daughter she is 2 and ideally i would love to care for babies (will feed the broodiness) or a primary school aged child and i totalt agree with you about starting with yunger ones an working your way up. i certainly wouldnt want to take n someone whos needs i cant meet! my mums cousin has been a foster carer for many years now so im getting lots of advice from her aswell which is going to be really helpful!
as for my work yes im going to give up if we are deemed suitable to foster! cant come quick enough! the little girl i look after is lovely and gets on really well with my daughter but her mum is somewhat "difficult" at times! going to be very sad to not have her anymore but i do think that fostering will suit us as a family much better than me going out to work all the time. just wish the process was a little quicker but i can understand why it takes so long. took me 3 monthe plus to get ofsted registered as a nanny and theres much less to do for that lol! i have been told it takes about 8 months if all goes well, is this roughly right or will it depend on the ssd and how much work load they have on?
lovely to hear from you will keep you updated! xxx

My foster kids are going for 6 weeks respite next week, is this normal. I shall be going to pannel in about 6 weeks time.

Not all LA's pay a fee. We only get the allowance here.

Sorry cuttsy - I don't understand what you mean - no it is not at all usual for children to have 6 weeks respite. Have you not asked the social worker for the reason for this. I assume you are approved but you mention going to panel - is this for a Foster Carer Review. If you can say a bit more I might be able to help you more.

we have had the kids for just over a year. we are due to go for permanance in about 8 weeks...this six weeks is during this weeks hols and 4 into next term in bloc.

The kids are in turmoil about this as are ours. We cannot get direct answers and it all seems a bit cloak and dagger. We have had meetings, one says they are going as its not working and the other says it is nothing to worry about and it is nesccessary before yearly review for permanance.

Cuttsy - I think you are going to have to be more insistent upon the reason for this strange plan. It is nonsense to say that it is necessary before the yearly review for permanence. The LA are treating you very badly by coming along with such a bizarre plan, and they are inconsistent in what the are telling you. I suggest you ask for a meeting with the sw for the children, his/her team manager and your link worker to find out exactly what is going on here. You must insist upon direct answers.

If they still won't be honest, then ask for a copy of the complaints procedure and take it up that way - this may have the effect of being honest.

Let us know how you get on.

NanaNina-I understand it is for a 'core assessment' to be undertaken. Why, they do not say. Everybody is impressed so far and now understand there is conflict between sw and swmanager....so someone else has been brought in!!!
I have stated the charter in that we are to be involved in the desision making process....the kids were looking forward to holidaying together....it has had no effect...

This still makes no sense at all. A core assessment is done on someone who the LA are assessing, usually a natural parent's ability to parent. Who are they doing a core assessment on???? I think you said someone said something was wrong and then someone said "not to worry" but I am beginning to wonder if they are going to do a core assessment on you as foster carers. You are being led a merry dance by the LA and it is totally unacceptable. They are changes their reasons for moving the children by the day. I am assuming you are LA carers - you must have a link worker - what has he/she got to say.

They are riding roughshod over you and breaking all fostering guidelines by keeping you in the dark like this. Moving children for 6 weeks makes no sense. If they are concerned about something and need to move the children while they make some assessment of you as carers, then you have a right to be told.

I can tell you the best way of making them sit up and take notice of you. Do you know who your local councillor is - if not I'm sure you can find out from google who he/she is. They hold surgeries or you can phone them at home. If you complain to your local councillor, he/she takes it to the top to the Director of SS and she/he passes it back to the managers responsible for this case. Believe me this makes sws and managers move heaven and earth, because the Director will be wanting an explanation from them to feed back to the councillors. In a sense the politicians (members of social services committees) are the bosses of the social services departments. It would be even better if you found out who was the chair of the Social Services Committee and made your complaint to him/her. You could phone up and ask the sw or manager or whoever, if they will give you the name of the chair of the SS Committee. If they ask why - say you would prefer not to say. There is a complaints procedure for SS but when people go straight to their local councillor, things move - quickly. Go for it!

Thanks for the advice. I have put a shot accross the bows of the LA councillor to get results. I shall be taking the children to the respite carer tomorrow but they now want to spend at least one more day with us...very hard for all of us, my kids have not taken it well either. Fingers crossed.

Well done, let me know how it goes.

A friend of mine looked after her niece and nephew when they were taken into care before any assessments were carried out. They did return to Mum after a couple of months (big mistake!).

Hi Suzie- i have been a friends and family carer for six months now. There are plusses and minuses- I knew the child really well before she came and she knew my 3 DC so that helped her to settle- but it has been tough as there have been times when (because I know the parents so well) it has been hard to take SW decisions as I know what will happen! We were advised when we started that we could no longer be friends with LO parents- this was good advice- we have to write a diary about contact etc and it is not always positive for them- I try to be very neutral and note their successes but honesty is best for LO. Review meetings can be tough as you have to face them with information you really don't want to say in front of them esp re:abuse etc. We get enough in allowances from LA to keep LO- and although we have had problems with SS our link worker is brill. LO is going back to live with her mum v soon and we are swapping to general foster so despite the difficulties we still want to carry on!

Thanks all for the help and advice. Have been onto fostering network uk for advice. They have told me that they are in breech of latest stat regs as they are not allowed to remove unless court order or abuse has been reported, and then it must be within 24 hours. They have told me the route to go through but I still do not get any response. Spoke to kids yesterday and all is well, they reckon less than 4 weeks....the phone stays silent from la.

Cuttsy I sent you quite a long post on the other thread and said I still smelt a rat and suggested what you should be asking the LA. I don't know what the latest stat regs are but I find it hard to believe that they would need a court order to remove the children. What is the legal status of these children - are they on interim Care Orders or full Care Orders. I didn't post again because your last post (not sure on this thread or the other) said you were satisfied. As far as I could tell the LA had given you at least 4 separate reasons for the removal of the children. It is just not on. I would go to the sw office and sit there until someone tells you the truth about what this is all about.

I think I said on the other thread, the other way is to talk to your local councillor who will take it directly to the Director of Social Services and he/she will pass it down the line to the Manager who is responsible for the case, and the Director will want answers, very quickly because she has to feedback to the councillor. This always makes SS depts move - very quickly.

I think you are being treated appallingly.

Hi
the first thing you need is a solicitor because otherwise you will not be taken seriously.

hi I need advice on becoming a foster family for a child I know.
A few days ago I found out that my ex-partner's child had been taken from her. we had been together since she was pregnant. I was in childbirth and later we raised the child together. Unfortunately, I never thought to regulate it legally. When the child was 4, we split up. We agreed on the matter of childcare. For almost two years I regularly took the child to my place. Two days a week, I picked up my child from school. The child spent two weekends a month and a vacation with me. Unfortunately, problems arose over time. The child did not want to return to his mother . I was very worried about this child because I knew his mother and noticed she had emotional problems. There was a situation that she threw him out of the house and brought him to me, saying that she didn't want him anymore. After a week she came and took it from me, saying that I would not see him again. I have reported my concern to social service. Later I found out that her friends had also contacted social services and the school because they noticed that she was having problems in raising him. I was advised not to contact with them. After 9 months his mother decided to contact me. She concluded that the child missed me and it would great if we can have still have contact. Of course I agreed. This time the meetings were not regular. I took him on weekends and holidays. Sometimes during a week. It all depended on his mom. There were situations when a child called me when I was at work and asked me to come because his mum feel bad and he cannot help her. Of course because of this he did not go to school. He had to look after her. The problems start worst. She was very stranger for me. I was shocked when i Visit there house. No heating. They slept on the bare floor. The child asked me for food. I tried to talk to his mother but for me she lived in a different world. I contacted the social care again. I know from his mother that the care came to them and helped them. I took the child if she needed a rest. Unfortunately she decided to break off contact with me again. I saw him last time in June. And a few days ago I found out that the child was taken from her two months ago. He is in a foster family and as far as I know they are going to change his school.I only know when they took him his mother was in a psychiatric hospital. I don't know what happened. I have sent an email to social care that I know about the situation and would like to help. I would like to become a foster family for him. After two weeks I didn't get any answer. I don't know what to do. I also know that the child is asking about me. I will be very appreciate if you can give me any advise what to do

You have posted on someone's else's very old (years old) thread so are not likely to get much response. I suggest you try again starting your own new thread. Good luck.

Hi,
I would like to get some info regarding fostering. my sis who is terminally ill and is single. she has 2 children 13 and 7. I have 2 children as well 15 and 12. there is no other family in this country and she has chosen me as a legal guardian. Now that the time is arrived people say I might get rejected because I don't have a big enough place. I have 3 bed flat with one double and 2 single rooms. Would you please advise regarding this and tell me if this is possible that they would reject me. but my sister wants them to stay with me and no where else.

Hi I've just found this site as I've been looking for advice my nephew has been removed from his parents and is being fostered by a family friend at the minute 3 years ago I would of said straight away I would take him but I'm a single mother and had a nervous breakdown 2 years ago but I'm absolutely back on track but also my nephew only being 5 now had /has a lot of anger issues and I have a 7 year old and he isn't used to all the mayhem that comes with his cousin he's not even used to raised voices but since my nephew has been with his Foster parent he is doing brilliant and I've spoke to my son about it as much as I can and he being 7 said right away mam he is our family and we will do what needs to be done I was worried being a single parent and the only parent my son has but I look at my son and he is so caring kind and does amazing in school so I do think my nephew would thrive with us so I definitely think if you have the support and you know you would be absolutely the better place for them kids and you feel ready go for it I'm not sure on the financials as I'm just starting the process to Foster then hopefully adopt my nephew but I do know you do get some financial help alot round Christmas and with clothing expenses etc it took me months to come to a decision because I had to think about how it would affect my son but having people to talk to and talk through it with you and your child really does help and there is a lot of support x

Hi I've just read your post and I'm just starting the process of fostering my nephew but I have spoke alot to people in the same situation and I know of 2 family's in your situation and if they do feel the family home is too small they will work round it it may be that you have to move to a bigger house but they go through and sort all of that out with you they make it as easy as they can and prefer kids to be with family members so they will do what needs to work around you and your family x hope this helps.