How does a parent get a child into respite fostering to give everyone a break?

[SortYourLifeHelp]

We are on our knees.
Tired of the physical and emotional abuse from our 9, nearly 10 year old.

We all need respite.

He has a diagnoses of ADHD, but it's private and still on the waiting list for CAMHS

We have been accepted to have a key worker from the child services but when I asked about respite, they said the parent has to source that themselves?

In my area, you have to be assessed by the disabled children's social work team, and then if they think you are in need you get a certain amount of direct payments with which to source your own respite. What does your local authority say about respite in their local offer?

So if I was willing to pay, would that make any difference?

He isn't disabled.

So I guess that's a no then?

Every time I try and research it, it's always asking whether I want to be a foster carer.

That's our local authority and generally.

Have you asked SS for an assessment?

He may be disabled by ADHD, or other underlying issues.

How about a specialist nanny with SEN training who could look after him in your home, while you and DH go away for a break?

That might be easier to arrange if you’re able to pay for the service. Also it might feel less like you’re sending your son away (not judging, but it may be easier to explain to him without upsetting him?).

You might find it helpful posting this in the SEND section, OP. Lots of knowledge there from the side of SEND parents.

Good luck

I used to provide this to parents when I used to be a registered childminder with an overnight registration, some children who came to me were funded through direct payment and some privately by the parents. Might be worth looking if any childminders offer this in your area

You say he isn't disabled, but that he has a diagnosis of ADHD - that is a disability, and it's clearly having a significant impact on his life and on the lives of his parents (carers) and family.

I know it's hard to start thinking of your child as disabled but if you want help from statutory services that's the route to take and the word that will be used.

You could of course try and find someone to pay privately but you might struggle if his behaviour is as challenging as you describe.

Have you claimed dla for him?
If you do you could use this to pay someone to look after him.
Have you got someone who he knows who can come and stay in your house while you have a night away to recharge your batteries?
I’m a foster carer with a child with disabilities, we paid my friend to stay in our house for 2 nights so we could take my older children away for their 18th.
He was in his own home and knows my friend so it worked out fine.
I would imagine you would need to have a social worker involved to get respite.

The best thing to do op would be to call Contact a Family helpline - they have great people who can answer questions like this.

I hope you do get some help

ADHD is a disability.

I'm sorry things are so hard, is there a reason you are waiting for a CAMHS assessment to start treatment, you can treat privately?

Have a look at local solutions, they may offer help or may be able to signpost you to an organisation who can offer some support