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Original poster

My sisters children are going to be removed

560 replies

Namechange543 · 04/07/2020 15:42

Name changed for this but hoping someone can offer some advice.

My sisters children are going to be removed, there is a court hearing on Tuesday to decide this but with the overwhelming evidence against her and the fact they’ve been on a child protection plan for so long with her making no positive steps it’s only going to go one way.

The social worker tells me once the judge has made a decision they will speak to family about placements for them. I really want to help but the problem is she has 3 children and I already have 2 of my own so I can’t take them all. I have a 4 bed house so couldn’t fit them even if I could cope with 5 children.

Will they want them to stay together or will they split them to keep them with family? And if they do split them how on earth do you decide which 1 you take?

It’s such a nightmare. My mum could take 1 and I could take 1 but then do we leave the 1 not chosen to go into foster care. How damaging would that be! I’ve cried so much this week with the guilt that I can’t help them all.

OP posts:
JamminDoughnuts · 02/11/2020 08:56

very best wishes op @Kinshipcarer Thanks and good luck

longcoffee · 02/11/2020 09:02

Argh, sorry was reading the thread from the top and posted a totally untimely response, didn't clock the date!

I hope you are now getting all the support you need - don't be afraid to push for it.

Wishing you and your family all the best moving forwards x

HamishDent · 02/11/2020 09:10

It’s an awful situation to be in OP.

Given the your updates regarding their additional needs, it sounds like they need specialist care and support. I’m afraid that I wouldn’t be willing to sacrifice my own children’s quality of life. It simply not fair on them.

HamishDent · 02/11/2020 09:11

Me too longcoffee. Apologies OP.

Frazzled2207 · 02/11/2020 09:14

@Kinshipcarer
Just seen this thread which was so difficult to read but am really pleased that you have been able to take in one of the children. Given what you said I can’t see how taking all three could ever have been the right decision- obviously there are the needs of your own dc to consider which you clearly have done.
I hope something appropriate has been found for the other children as well- I just hope it works out for them as well as the one you have. All the best x

Greektome · 02/11/2020 09:30

The room thing is a red herring. Of course you can fit 5 children into 3 bedrooms. So there must be another reason you don't feel you can take them in?

riotlady · 02/11/2020 09:32

@Greektome

The room thing is a red herring. Of course you can fit 5 children into 3 bedrooms. So there must be another reason you don't feel you can take them in?
Have you read the thread at all?
StarUtopia · 02/11/2020 09:43

Of course you can fit them in a 4 bedroom house. One bedroom could easily house 4 of them.

No way can you split them up - that's possibly worse than what they're already going through.

Littlefish · 02/11/2020 09:49

@StarUtopia it's always a good idea to read the whole thread before replying!

StarUtopia · 02/11/2020 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ChristmasCantComeSoonEnough · 02/11/2020 09:54

I thin you should offer what you can offer and not feel bad about what you cannot offer. It is better to provide one or two of the siblings a secure place to live than none so stop worrying about the one that is left behind.
Saying that I think given what you have said it might be better for you and your mum to team up and offer one (probably the youngest) a place in your family. If you each take one neither of you will have any respite from caring for a child with serious needs. If you just take one into your home then your mum could help you out if you need a break.

TidyOmlette · 02/11/2020 10:00

Hi Op

I’m sorry I don’t have any helpful information but I didn’t want to read and run. Please please reconsider taking all of the children. You would get financial help and these children need to feel loved and wanted. They won’t be kept together in the system and may not have contact again for a very long time.

StarUtopia · 02/11/2020 10:02

Littlefish I just put that, and MN have deleted it!

I do wish people would actually tell the real story in the Original post though - which is what I replied to.

Not everyone is sat at home with the time to read through 20 pages (to what actually was a much much bigger story)

Brenna24 · 02/11/2020 10:14

I read your original post back in the summer. I am so sorry that it took even longer for anything to be done. Well done for taking the 5 year old. I hope that you get lots of support for turning things round for him.

Cupoftchaiagain · 02/11/2020 10:15

@Kinshipcarer good luck I can see how much you care about what is best for all the children involved for the long term for what it’s worth as a random internet body I think you have made the right call.

bigbluebus · 02/11/2020 10:15

StarUtopia It is possible to highlight the original posters comments in a different colour so that you can scroll through threads and look for updates/additional information without having to read everyone elses comments. That does fail however when the OP changes their user name (but that didn't happen until the update at the very end in this case).

needanewidea · 02/11/2020 10:17

@StarUtopia

Littlefish I just put that, and MN have deleted it!

I do wish people would actually tell the real story in the Original post though - which is what I replied to.

Not everyone is sat at home with the time to read through 20 pages (to what actually was a much much bigger story)

It's bad form to reply to the original post and to not have read the thread in a thread that runs to several pages.

If you don't have time to read it all, or at least scan it or perhaps start at the bottom and work back to see if there have been developments - don't bother replying!.

It's a pain for OPs to have to wade through irrelevant answers and it can sometimes derail the thread entirely. Don't do it!

AryaStarkWolf · 02/11/2020 10:25

@Aventurine

In a 4 bed house is there no way 5 kids could be fitted into 3 of the bedrooms?
Yeah was going to say this, that's loads more space than a lot of people have :/
SaltandPepperIt · 02/11/2020 10:34

Reading the OPs posts, is wasnt just the bedrooms, it is the mental health problems that the children bring with them and how these will without a doubt impact on her family - of course if all was great 5 children could fit into 3 rooms.

However as the OP has posted, she is now caring for one of the children.

That is great to hear, thank goodness for people like you @Kinshipcarer

August20 · 02/11/2020 10:35

THIS IS A VERY OLD THREAD

THE OP MADE A SECOND THREAD IN AUGUST

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3988015-Hand-hold-needed

SOMEONE POSTING UNDER A NEW NAME CLAIMING TO BE THE OP UPDATED THIS THREAD

THE OP DOES NOT NEED YOUR ADVICE ON THE ORIGINAL POST

Sorry to yell but most posters don't seem to have noticed the dates.

Kinshipcarer · 02/11/2020 10:36

The older 2 have been separated and gone to specialist foster carers, I am still in contact with them both. Yes I just have the 5 year old. The eldest 2 were deemed too damaged to be placed with family by the judge, my mum also put herself forward but was deemed unsuitable.

There is currently no contact for the siblings with each other due to the sibling abuse. This will be reviewed when they have started to recover from their ordeal.

My sister has not handled it well and her mental health spiralled, she is currently an inpatient in a mental health facility.

Apologies that the name change has confused things. For confidentiality for these children I don’t want posting history linked. I will now name change again and leave this thread but I wanted those who were so helpful and supportive to me to know that they are now all safe.

Zebracat · 02/11/2020 10:40

Thanks op.
I am also a kinship carer and wish you so well. It is challenging but also very rewarding.
You can always pm me if you need a handhold

KisstheTeapot14 · 02/11/2020 10:43

OP glad all 3 are safe. Well done for helping in a very difficult situation for all the family. Sounds as if the best care 'solution' for all 3 has been found, even though they have gone into different placements.

Hope your sister gets support and regains her MH and that the children all get the love and support they need too. Flowers

Not to mention good support for you too! Look after yourself and best of luck to you.

BIWI · 02/11/2020 10:44

@StarUtopia

Littlefish I just put that, and MN have deleted it!

I do wish people would actually tell the real story in the Original post though - which is what I replied to.

Not everyone is sat at home with the time to read through 20 pages (to what actually was a much much bigger story)

If you can't be bothered to read the whole post, why comment? Do you not think that someone else might have made the same comments as you?

And having read the OP, did you not stop to think that with such a sensitive issue - and such a long time ago - that things might have moved on?

FFS. It's not hard and it's bad forum etiquette too.

August20 · 02/11/2020 10:55

Wishing you the best, OP

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