My sisters children are going to be removed

[Namechange543]

Name changed for this but hoping someone can offer some advice.

My sisters children are going to be removed, there is a court hearing on Tuesday to decide this but with the overwhelming evidence against her and the fact they’ve been on a child protection plan for so long with her making no positive steps it’s only going to go one way.

The social worker tells me once the judge has made a decision they will speak to family about placements for them. I really want to help but the problem is she has 3 children and I already have 2 of my own so I can’t take them all. I have a 4 bed house so couldn’t fit them even if I could cope with 5 children.

Will they want them to stay together or will they split them to keep them with family? And if they do split them how on earth do you decide which 1 you take?

It’s such a nightmare. My mum could take 1 and I could take 1 but then do we leave the 1 not chosen to go into foster care. How damaging would that be! I’ve cried so much this week with the guilt that I can’t help them all.

[rawalpindithelabrador]

Thanks for updating, OP! All the best to you. You're brave. I'd not have taken any of them.

[YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet]

Hello everyone - the OP has updated the thread, which was started last July. Please read the updated posts otherwise the discussion becomes a series of posters telling other posters to read the updates.

Best wishes to you and your family, OP.

[Whatflavourjellybabyisnice]

Agree with @oakleaffy. If only if it was that easy.

[PracticingPerson]

@FelicityPike

FFS 🤦🏻‍♀️
Do people just not read the dates?

I didn't see the dates this morning, no, but in my defense it was 5am...

[FelicityPike]

FFS 🤦🏻‍♀️
Do people just not read the dates?

[Fullyhuman]

I can’t read all of this but want to agree with this:

Just remember how valuable a good aunt relationship is and this may be better for you long term than to take any of them. There is no shame in that.

If they end up in different places, the effort involved in continuing to see each of them once a week would be huge but enormously worthwhile and hopefully sustainable.

Take your time: the people (& maybe sometimes your inner voice?) saying ‘you must take them all’ are wrong. The work involved here is extreme. It is likely that you, and your mum, didn’t get the easiest childhoods yourselves, your sister’s troubles didn’t come out of nowhere, and the nephews’ behaviour may be even more difficult to handle because of that.

[MimiDaisy11]

@Hereforhelp127

4 bed house? Definitely room, they are your nieces and nephews, I would do it in a heartbeat, I have 4 kids in a 3 bed, hard but the care System would just spilt them up!
I got token away from my mum when I was 7, my sister was 3 and brother was 11
My nan had us all moved house gave up her job and dream house, she was 50 at the time, she did it and so greatful we didn’t go into care ♥️

Have any of your 4 kids stabbed each other or sexual abused others? I'm hoping that they haven't and so you really can't pass judgement on this situation. I wouldn't want to share a room with a sibling who put me in the hospital.

[oakleaffy]

Edit: Specialised boarding school was when child was 11.

[oakleaffy]

@Happymum12345

Of course you could fit all the children into your house. 4 bedrooms is more than enough! Either help or don’t. Personally, I would do anything to help look after those vulnerable children.

Very violent, highly disturbed children who have to be separated after knifing and strangling each other so they end up hospitalised??

Dream on
My friend {Who is very stable and calm} adopted a 4 yr old, thought she too could manage a child fosterers could not.

Social services kept lots of vital info away from friend.


The 4 yr old was so utterly ruined psychologically by her wicked parents {severe sexual abuse and neglect} that the adoptive child had to go to a specialised boarding school to keep the child safe.

Thousands upon thousands spent on therapy.
The poor child was a product of their vile birth parents {who have had every single child removed}

I really don't think you realise how damaged children can be, and how impossible it is to ''reverse'' deep damage.

To have three highly damaged and violent children in your home...
It goes beyond firm boundaries and a bedtime story, and a lovely house in the country.

You try it.

[1starwars2]

You can probably most help the youngest, without destroying your own family.
Your Mum isn't a serious or suitable option long term.

[Lochmorlich]

Hi OP.
Do you manage to have any contact with the older two?
Wishing you all well.

[Nith]

@Hereforhelp127

4 bed house? Definitely room, they are your nieces and nephews, I would do it in a heartbeat, I have 4 kids in a 3 bed, hard but the care System would just spilt them up!
I got token away from my mum when I was 7, my sister was 3 and brother was 11
My nan had us all moved house gave up her job and dream house, she was 50 at the time, she did it and so greatful we didn’t go into care ♥️

Why would you not read at least the OP's posts before posting on such a long thread? I know she changed her name at the end, but all the older posts demonstrate why this one is so inappropriate.

[Shouldbedoing]

Read the full thread

[Hereforhelp127]

4 bed house? Definitely room, they are your nieces and nephews, I would do it in a heartbeat, I have 4 kids in a 3 bed, hard but the care System would just spilt them up!
I got token away from my mum when I was 7, my sister was 3 and brother was 11
My nan had us all moved house gave up her job and dream house, she was 50 at the time, she did it and so greatful we didn’t go into care ♥️

[tenlittlecygnets]

@Happymum12345, for God's sake, RTFT.

OP has posted updates under the user name Kinshipcarer.

Am amazed at everyone blithely saying 'of course you could take all the dc', like it's a piece of cake to take on three damaged siblings who are abusive and violent to each other. Wold you all really do that? What about the impact on your lives and your dc??

@Kinshipcarer, wishing you all the very best.

[BitchIAmFromChicago]

And again...RTFT....

[Happymum12345]

Of course you could fit all the children into your house. 4 bedrooms is more than enough! Either help or don’t. Personally, I would do anything to help look after those vulnerable children.

[Neverspeakofthisagain]

@Kinshipcarer

I read both your threads and followed the name change, and wanted to wish you well with the youngest. Well done for fighting/reporting and not giving up for so so long. They will all be getting the help they need now. And although it's devastating, your sister being in hospital is probably the best thing that could happen to her right now.

I wasn't going to shout RTFT at people, but having got to the bottom, my mind is just blown by the laziness of some people. If you can see a thread is approaching 1000 messages, surely you might figure out that there have been developments? And if you are that lazy and knee-jerk, stick to chat or a light-hearted AIBU. These kinds of threads are not the place for glib, lazy remarks.

[WithinAForestDark]

Goodness me. This is an old thread. Why on earth it's been bumped we will never know and why people are answering it without RTFT is another thing we will never know.

How hard is it to check the date and check that it's over 600 posts long and figure to yourself that maybe things have moved on since the OP?

[PracticingPerson]

OP - I don't think you should have posted this thread really.

A really dreadful situation for all involved and I massively sympathise but I feel uncomfortable that so many unqualified people are discussing your young relatives here.

I wish you and the children all the best and hope that there is some progress for them.

[NinaMimi]

So sorry you’ve been through all this. Hopefully things go well with the five year old. It’s a shame your sister and the children didn’t get the help they needed earlier.

Also I think with a thread this long people should be a bit kinder on those who just read all the OPs messages as the name change makes it easier to miss updates.

[Dj2020]

I'm in this exact same situation right now only that I dont have my own children. The court case is soon.. I am absolutely at my whits end with worry and do not know what to do for the best

[justilou1]

Right thanks for clearing that up. I’m very pleased that she doesn’t have them. I hope they’re okay and getting the help they need to heal. I’m sorry you had to through all that as a family member too. I hope you have had a chance to heal also.

[Kinshipcarer]

@justilou1

I’m the OP, none of the children are in my sister’s care. They are all safe but thanks for the concern about them. My name change has confused the situation.

[Littlepaws18]

Wow! This site is a forum to enable people with issues to gain helpful advice and support. The OP has gone through an ordeal that is devastating. Don't lose sight of this objective.

OP I really hope you get the support you need from social services in order to heal this little boy. Thinking of you x