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Original poster

My sisters children are going to be removed

560 replies

Namechange543 · 04/07/2020 15:42

Name changed for this but hoping someone can offer some advice.

My sisters children are going to be removed, there is a court hearing on Tuesday to decide this but with the overwhelming evidence against her and the fact they’ve been on a child protection plan for so long with her making no positive steps it’s only going to go one way.

The social worker tells me once the judge has made a decision they will speak to family about placements for them. I really want to help but the problem is she has 3 children and I already have 2 of my own so I can’t take them all. I have a 4 bed house so couldn’t fit them even if I could cope with 5 children.

Will they want them to stay together or will they split them to keep them with family? And if they do split them how on earth do you decide which 1 you take?

It’s such a nightmare. My mum could take 1 and I could take 1 but then do we leave the 1 not chosen to go into foster care. How damaging would that be! I’ve cried so much this week with the guilt that I can’t help them all.

OP posts:
sashh · 02/11/2020 11:00

OP

Has anyone asked the children, both yours and your nephews what they want?

Is there a solution you could work towards longer term? Something like your DM moving nearer or even you buying a new property together?

GameofChess · 02/11/2020 11:01

@StarUtopia

Littlefish I just put that, and MN have deleted it!

I do wish people would actually tell the real story in the Original post though - which is what I replied to.

Not everyone is sat at home with the time to read through 20 pages (to what actually was a much much bigger story)

.. what on earth is the point of posting then?

Just keep your mouth firmly shut. This is a very sensitive thread involving trauma for three children and great difficulty for the OP.

I have NO CLUE what you think your admonishment of the OP for “not including everything in the original post” adds to the conversation. It is clear throughout how worried she has been, and is trying not to publish too much information.

What a ridiculous, unhelpful busybody you are.

Well done on offering your nephew a home kinship. You’re right that this situation is difficult to read about let alone go through. Those poor, poor kids.

D4rwin · 02/11/2020 11:11

How old are the children. They might decide older children can remain with a parent (situation dependent). Is one of the children a teen for eg, able to get themselves (Not that they should) up, dressed fed etc. But ideally siblings would be cared for together but it isn't always possible.

BIWI · 02/11/2020 11:13

FFS PEOPLE - RTFT!

Elderado · 02/11/2020 11:22

I must admit - I would take them in. Hopefully it would only be in the medium term and the
Council would give the money for it if you did that. These children don’t need space - they need love.

BigBigPumpkin · 02/11/2020 11:30

@D4rwin

If you press 'see all' on one of OP's posts, you'll be able to read everything OP posted. Saves asking questions that were answered several pages (and, in this case, several months, ago).

IcedLimes · 02/11/2020 11:30

Glad they are finally safe op. Sounds like it was long overdue. Well done for taking the youngest

Fridgeandkitchen · 02/11/2020 11:44

@sashh

OP

Has anyone asked the children, both yours and your nephews what they want?

Is there a solution you could work towards longer term? Something like your DM moving nearer or even you buying a new property together?

Have you actually read the 20 pages before posting?
PopsicleHustler · 02/11/2020 11:47

@Fridgeandkitchen

I read all OPs posts in green and her last one as a different username

PullTheBricksDown · 02/11/2020 12:19

The 'See all' feature is invaluable for threads like this. Good luck OP Flowers

sorryforswearing · 02/11/2020 12:21

It’s a lot to take on I know but what gender and age are the children? Could they share a room?

GabsAlot · 02/11/2020 12:22

sad that it took so long i know of two kids that were taken away just for having an unsanitary home no other abuse

sorry i dont feel for the mothers at all she bet on kids hurting each other and abused them to the point they abused each other

she should be in prison not being felt sorry for

sorryforswearing · 02/11/2020 12:24

My apologies. You’ve already answer my question.

SaltandPepperIt · 02/11/2020 13:24

@BIWI

FFS PEOPLE - RTFT!
But why would the higher echelons bother to read it @BIWI - then after over 500 posts and 4 months, people may not get the sheer unutterable wonderfulness of their pearls of wisdom Grin

"Reading threads is for plebs" should be a mantra for some

SaltandPepperIt · 02/11/2020 13:26

@sorryforswearing

It’s a lot to take on I know but what gender and age are the children? Could they share a room?
Top post of the day
IcedLimes · 02/11/2020 13:37

That's a good idea about them sharing a room. I'm surprised no one has suggested that before. Op what about it Wink

Rosadela · 02/11/2020 13:40

This is almost Like “cancel the cheque”

needanewidea · 02/11/2020 14:32

@Kinshipcarer

The older 2 have been separated and gone to specialist foster carers, I am still in contact with them both. Yes I just have the 5 year old. The eldest 2 were deemed too damaged to be placed with family by the judge, my mum also put herself forward but was deemed unsuitable.

There is currently no contact for the siblings with each other due to the sibling abuse. This will be reviewed when they have started to recover from their ordeal.

My sister has not handled it well and her mental health spiralled, she is currently an inpatient in a mental health facility.

Apologies that the name change has confused things. For confidentiality for these children I don’t want posting history linked. I will now name change again and leave this thread but I wanted those who were so helpful and supportive to me to know that they are now all safe.

Thanks for the update OP. I hope all three can get the help they need. Poor things.

It must mean an awful lot to the older two that you're still in contact with them - even if they maybe don't appreciate it now. Longer term they'll know that they are loved by you and your mum and the judge's decisions took it out of your hands.

forrestgreen · 02/11/2020 17:38

I actually think you should be able to downvote people who obviously cba to read anything but the op. Then they get removed for a day etc

StarUtopia · 02/11/2020 23:17

There's some utterly delightful individuals on this thread!!!

I was not rude in the slightest. I answered the original post.

I certainly wasn't the only person.

gameofchess You are especially a delightful individual. I personally think your post should be deleted. How dare you be so bloody rude?

StarUtopia · 02/11/2020 23:30

BIWI FFS back to you. I was on my phone. I saw the original post and replied. I was not rude. I made one small comment.

I never even noticed the date. It was on Actives. And a sensitive issue - one I've been through myself, hence why I replied.

StarUtopia · 02/11/2020 23:31

forestgreen maybe we could also vote to get people who are unnecessarily RUDE removed too?

justilou1 · 02/11/2020 23:50

I honestly can’t believe your sister still has custody. Those poor, messed-up kids. However, I think the fallout for your family would have been too much if you had taken them on. You need specialist training and all the time and energy in the world and your own kids would have missed out. I’m sorry that you have to live with that kind of behaviour in your family and have had to feel so helpless knowing that kids have been the victims of the behaviours of adults and you have been unable to get them the interventions they needed -when they needed it. Unfortunately I don’t think the future bodes well for the two at home. I do hope the poor guy who has been removed is given lots of extra help, but with Covid, I have my doubts. I really hope he doesn’t feel like he is being punished. My heart breaks for these kids, knowing that they do have people who care, who tried to help all along, but were hindered by the authorities.

BigBigPumpkin · 03/11/2020 02:27

@StarUtopia

There's some utterly delightful individuals on this thread!!!

I was not rude in the slightest. I answered the original post.

I certainly wasn't the only person.

gameofchess You are especially a delightful individual. I personally think your post should be deleted. How dare you be so bloody rude?

Just chalk it up to experience @StarUtopia. In future, check the number of comments before adding your own. If it numbers in the hundreds, check for additional OP contents before adding your own because there are likely to be some (checking for further OP comments is a good habit regardless of thread length, but especially important in a long thread).
FelicityPike · 03/11/2020 07:09

@justilou1

I honestly can’t believe your sister still has custody. Those poor, messed-up kids. However, I think the fallout for your family would have been too much if you had taken them on. You need specialist training and all the time and energy in the world and your own kids would have missed out. I’m sorry that you have to live with that kind of behaviour in your family and have had to feel so helpless knowing that kids have been the victims of the behaviours of adults and you have been unable to get them the interventions they needed -when they needed it. Unfortunately I don’t think the future bodes well for the two at home. I do hope the poor guy who has been removed is given lots of extra help, but with Covid, I have my doubts. I really hope he doesn’t feel like he is being punished. My heart breaks for these kids, knowing that they do have people who care, who tried to help all along, but were hindered by the authorities.
Couldn’t be arsed reading the whole thread? No?