Single young foster parents

[consideringFostering]

Hello,

I've been doing some research and have wanted to foster for a few years now and would love some advice from current foster parents. I am single but am in a good place to open my home and provide care. I understand there will be potential behavioural issues but I have some experience and think I could make a real difference.

Any feedback/highs and lows would be really appreciated. Are there anything you wished you knew before going ahead with being a FC?

Many thanks for all your help,

Laura

Hi Laura

I was a single foster carer from roughly the age of 28 - 34. I am now 36 and the only reason I no longer so it is due to work commitments and me recognising that it would not be fair on the child with the hours I work and expectations put upon me!

I mostly enjoyed it. There were ups and downs (as with everything) but the things that particularly stick in my mind was when I had to 'go to panel' to get approval which involved me being interviewed by about 10 people and the whole application process taking roughly 12 months from start to finish - which felt like it was never going to end. They do real in depth background checks which include references from employer, friends, family and my GP.

That sad, I had some really good times with the young ladies placed in my care. I had mostly older teenagers and I hope that I was a positive role model for them: having my own home, a good job that I enjoyed and showing that it is ok to be single!

Things will probably have changed since my day or maybe across the different LAs but happy to answer any questions that you may have!

Go for it. What have you got to loose?!

Oh dear God! How many spelling mistakes did I make in one post?!

Sorry!

Hi Laura, I'm a young(ish), single carer - was very young when I started.

I think the biggest thing I didn't know before I started is that the things you think will be difficult (violent, emotionally damaged children who wreck your house and drive you crazy at times) ARE difficult but are also manageable. The biggest difficulty for me personally is always when a child is sent back to the situation they were first removed from - and even worse, later brought back into care.

Think carefully about your age range - you're unlikely to be able to work if you foster pre-school (see many posts on here). Also think carefully about local authority vs agency (also see many posts on here).

Its not a particularly great time to be a foster carer at the moment - social services are being run into the ground - so don't be surprised if it takes a while for your calls to be answered. But it's also a time when more children than ever need decent carers.

As PurpleVicki said, you've nothing to lose from making a phone call. Good luck!

Hi, I am also a single carer. I had thought about fostering before, but it wasn't financially viable as I had a mortgage to pay. When I paid my mortgage off, then I went ahead and started to foster, 3 years now. The hardest thing of all for me was the lack of practical support. My parents are too old to help, and friends work. So I basically foster 24/7 on my own, with the occasional few hours off to have my hair done when my friend has a day off work. I foster babies, so its particularly tough when you get a sick child and no one to help, or if I am ill with a baby to look after. The first placement was a steep learning curve! I am used to it now though, and I am happy to carry on. Another issue, whether single or married is that you get very attached to the children, and its heart breaking when you have to move them on, but that's something every foster carer has to deal with. The Foster training will prepare you for some of the issues you may face.

I agree with Scarlet, its extremely stressful when you don't agree with the plan for the child, e.g. they are sent to live with unsuitable parents, also the chaos that comes from contact, baby crying and doesn't want to go to the parent, children may also exhibit severe behaviour problems after a contact session. Also if you are LA FC, you only see your SW and child's SW every 6 weeks, and that is if they turn up. They have massive case loads to deal with and are under a lot of pressure. You are often not kept informed, I frequently have to ask the birth parents what is going on!! Having said that, its part of the job, and we all find a way to deal with it. Don't let the potential downside's put you off.

Hi, I'm a single carer, young-ish (31) and have been fostering for the last year.
By far the hardest thing has been lack of practical support. Like another poster, mother too old and friends/family working. I knew as part of the assessment that I would need my support network to help me incase of emergencies. But what I wasn't told was that I'd need to sort my own Childcare for the 8 mandatory training courses I'd have to complete in the first year, and for all meetings I'd be required to attend. I have expressed this to my SSW but she says I should have been told this during my assessment. I wasn't, so therefore it's difficult/awkward/impossible to then go back to my support network and say actually, you know you said you'd help me, well can you provide child care on all of these occasions...the answer is no.
The difficulty is once you're approved, your social worker doesn't really care what you were told during assessment, because you just have to do what you are told with regards to attending meetings and training once you have a child in placement.
Luckily, I made friends with another Carer on the skills to foster training and we kept in touch and now do reciprocal Childcare and see each other all the time so we can support each other emotionally which is so important when you live on your own and you need to vent. I am very lucky to have her as she is single Carer too and has same difficulties.
That being said, the child she has in placement is very challenging and I had a newborn so wasn't always feeling up to having the 2 of them (along with my birth child) but had to! Also, if you have a difficult child in placement, chances are your friends and family may not feel confident to look after them, or they may just not want to!
So although I manage to make it work and don't regret it, it definitely is hard when you are expected to sort child care at drop of a hat! Also even little things like going to dentist, hair cut etc what you take for granted are so hard Xx