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Original poster

Christmas day contact arrgghhh!

21 replies

tunecedemalis · 21/12/2010 20:33

Hi all, my LO has been told during contact with her dad she will see him and her mother (they are very much separated) on Christmas day. Court sat last fri and contact was changed but no info yet on exactly how and when. I can't plan anything for Xmas as still waiting for SS!!! I have phoned and emailed and texted- still being arranged. Is there really so little respect for carers own families at Christmas? Plus LO will be devastated as we have been told if no SS transport running then no contact- can't see anyone working on Xmas day? I have prepared her for the worst but I think she is expecting a Christmas miracle- oh dear!!!

OP posts:
SquidgyBrain · 21/12/2010 20:42

thats awful :(

Really feel for all of you! What a dreadful situation - SS need shot!

Hoping that it gets resolved quickly

I am so grateful that our SS don't do contact on the 24th, 25th and 26th!

CarGirl · 21/12/2010 20:43

What on earth are they playing at!!!

Surely better to say from the outset that there would be no physical contact and get you to make arrangements for phone contact instead.

Argghhhhhhhhhhhh on your behalf.

pengu0906 · 21/12/2010 20:45

That is such a shame, that was almost going to happen to us but there was no transport to and from so it was cancelled. Luckily, otherwise my familys christmas would be ruined!

Original poster
tunecedemalis · 21/12/2010 20:45

That is a brilliant idea- stops all squabbling and emotional blackmail!!!Snow has meant limited contact for LO over last week anyway. I didn't know til today her dad had said that to her- thought she was remarkably chilled about not seeing her parents on Xmas day. So worried if she is devastated upset then it will ruin the day for her and other kids- does anyone have any suggestions?

OP posts:
CarGirl · 21/12/2010 20:49

Does she like making things for her parents?

Could you plan Christmas Day and include suggestions from all the dc what it's going to be?

Hardly a restful day but if they all get to do something special of their choice she can either choose to join in or not on the actual day

Confused

Someone pick a favourite film for you all to watch.

You can choose when to eat Christmas dinner Wink

How and when to unwrap presents?

Walk around the block

Board games

that type of thing???

Original poster
tunecedemalis · 21/12/2010 20:50

Oh dear- I meant no Christmas day contact was a good idea!!! I honestly didn't realise she expected contact on Xmas or I would have prepared her earlier- but then again I had no idea what her parents were telling her. Thanks for the support Pengu, Catgirl and Squidgy- case is so messy right now with independent SW being brought in to work with LA SW- no-one meaking decisions!

OP posts:
Original poster
tunecedemalis · 21/12/2010 20:52

Thanks Catgirl- great ideas- I will ask her about it but at the moment she is stubbornly determined that transport will magically appear. She is a bit shocked that I think we should get dressed on Xmas day and not be in pyjamas so I think we may be in for a bit of a culture clash!

OP posts:
CarGirl · 21/12/2010 20:58

How old is she (ish)???

I wonder if you talk through how much her parents would love to see her on christmas day and how much she would love to see them but with the eeeeerrrr bad weather and lack of staff it isn't going to happen.

Perhaps help her plan an extra "Christmas Day" to have with each of her parents and what could she and they do to make it a special day?

Original poster
tunecedemalis · 21/12/2010 21:16

A good plan- she is 8 and has two siblings- one with each parent. I will ask SW to talk to her parents- contact is supervised so it would have to be agreed. It is also worrying that parents seem convinced they will see her on that day- really bad lack of communication!

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SquidgyBrain · 22/12/2010 00:24

I do agree with you that the no contact thing is a great idea - it is just a blanket rule that there is no contact (well at least any that involves any SW involvement) this also goes for the weekend, means that our family life can carry on.

Has been a little unfortunate as it was our LO's 1st birthday last Saturday so his parents didn't get to see him, and then they won't see him from Thu until, the 27th

I hope that your LO has a lovely Christmas and that the parents realise that they are the grown ups and they should be making this as easy as possible for the LO

nymphadora · 22/12/2010 03:34

If it is supervised who would supervise? Doubt SW staff are available.

maypole1 · 22/12/2010 11:14

i am surpised that the contact centre is openConfused

havent been able to get lo to contact due to snow this week sadly as parents live 100s of miles away,mum was trying that one wanted contact on xmas day but were going away for xmas as we do every year and ss are informed of that before thay place any child.

i and my family give up a lot for fostering but will not give up christmas with my family

Original poster
tunecedemalis · 22/12/2010 14:12

Contact is never at a contact centre- either at my house with me supervising (which I am not keen on) or at mother's house with SW supervising. I think the parents will hint for me to supervise which I don't wanna do on Christmas- I would like to spend the day playing with the kids, eating too much and have a festive glass of wine! Mum offered extended contact today by SW but she is too busy. Thanks Cargirl LO and I have spent morning putting a box together with homemade cards and wrapping some gifts she picked out for her family. SS legal team has repeated today no transport no contact but am worried what mum may tell her at contact- hate building false hope!!

OP posts:
nymphadora · 22/12/2010 14:18

I wouldn't be happy doing it at home on Xmas day. Surely you'll be too busy to commit that time properly?

Original poster
tunecedemalis · 22/12/2010 14:29

Actually my DH- normally very laid back and accommodating about these things has said categorically no. LO quite happy at moment playing lego with others- plus my parents will come over for Christmas day and they dote on all the kids- maybe a nice distraction?

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maypole1 · 22/12/2010 15:26

I am actually very shocked your expected to host contact on Christmas day OMG.

every foster carer including kinship carers have to use the contact centre.

Original poster
tunecedemalis · 22/12/2010 16:19

Hi Maypole- I think it is parent expectation not SS to be fair- I would love to use a contact centre. I have to give over my living room for contact twice weekly and my kids have to go elsewhere- sometimes I have mother here on saturdays too- can get a bit much. Although kinship carer we are not related to either parent and kinship is via our relationship with the child. Can I ask- has anyone else had a parent get angry that they have to keep a daily diary?

OP posts:
CarGirl · 22/12/2010 20:35

I don't know the legalities but if it becomes impossible to host contact presumably you are within your rights to refuse to host it anymore?

Sounds very very messy Sad

maypole1 · 22/12/2010 22:25

I agree you can refuse especially if she is being aggressive, you hOld more cards than you think don't be bullied in hosting a contact you are not happy with please ring the fostering network in relation to this matter this dosnt sound wright to me at
I think they are takeing the piss personally

Original poster
tunecedemalis · 23/12/2010 19:00

Thanks= rang fostering network have had conatct moved- but I am still to supervise. Have arranged transport to do fetching and carrying on Xmas- ie not me! :) Thanks everyone

OP posts:
maypole1 · 24/12/2010 17:12

Oh I am so pleased ss will always push you as far as you are willing to go but somedays are off limits, if you not happy with the arragments in the futher
then say.

I will not have people with drug and drink issues in my home around my children.
Your home is your childrens safe place if they try it on again ring the fostering network

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