Support for friend whose dh is off to Afghanistan

[notolerance]

Hi, good friend of mines dh is off to Afghanistan on Sunday. He's been away lots in the past but this time I think it's going to be much harder for her to cope as her 2 boys (7 & 9) are now aware of what's going on out there. She's already started having panic attacks. I will admit I'm completely ignorant to the life of the marines and I want to be able to give her support without being condescending or saying the wrong things. Any help / ideas gratefully received.

just be there for here if she needs support my hubby is in the raf and of nxt year for 4 month tour and my boys will be 2 and 4 and it is the first tme he will be away from them that long,i know what your friend is going through and get her boys involved in clubs and things thats what a lot of my friends sis with older children send her hugsxhope this helps

Just be there when she needs you and have them all round for some meals if you can to keep them busy etc.
How nice are you!!!
She will hopefully feel better in a way when he has actually gone and she is having to get on with it. I found the waiting for DH to go was worse than when he had gone, but admittedly that was to Kuwait pre (well actually during) 9/11. Someone with real experience will be along soon I am sure...

Offer to have her boys once in a while so that she can do things like have her hair cut etc.

Organise a babysitter (your dh/dp??!) and take her out for a glass of wine and a natter.

I always found the weekends worst... all the neighbours were spending time with their dp/dhs and it brought it all home for me, so get her and her ds's round

Do you have a dh/dp? My son REALLY misses "man time" when his dad is away, get your dp/dh to take the boys out for a game of footie in the park, boys get sick of having just their boring old mum around all the time!

totally agree with nell, the weekends are terrible when you are on your own, every where you go you see famalies together.

Thanks every-one, really appreciate your replies. Getting my dh to spend time with her boys is a great idea!

It is isn't it! Well done Nell. I was impressed by that one. Have them round for a weekend day, chuck children and DH out to play football and enjoy a natter and provide a listening ear at the same time. I would so appreciate that

Glad to be of help

I just remember my nephew leaping all over dh when his dad was away (nephew is now 20 so doesn't do it as much any more) but when I had ds, we "repayed the favour" and ds spent tonnes of quality time with his uncle when dh was away. Sometimes all that was needed was a cuddle... cuddles from us mums sometimes are just not good enough!

We always make a "daddy board" when dh goes away so thatthe lads can see him every day and they talk to him!
It can be a good idea to sit down with the dad and stick some photos of them arund a map to show where they are and where he is.

I totally agree with the weekend thing. I tend to count how many weekends there are between him coming home, and they do drag when you have nothing to do. I have even spent all weekend in the house before as no need to set a foot outside as everywhere is busy and you are surrounded by families.