If you were a tv chef, what would be the twist to your programme?

[BadGardener]

And what style would it be shot in?
Mine would be cooking one-handed while holding a baby, with lots of jerky handheld camera work to evoke chaos. But it would always end with loads of (borrowed) golden-haired children and hunky husband and attractive friends sitting down to enjoy the meal.

What, no swearing??

Mind you, I suppose if the dc are around you should tone that down

i'd do it all holding a glove puppet

All my food would be shit because I'm on weight watchers.

am liking glove puppet idea.

Disenchanted - how about this: you cook yummy food and lie to the audience and tell them it's only got 23 calories in it? Then they will all put on loads of weight and you will be thinner in comparison. You don't have to eat it all in front of the camera, just taste it.

fairly sozzled but still articulate and witty

eating it as I went

substituting ingredients like mad as don't have the right stuff in...........so making something very different to what I started off saying

low on detail

ending with mounds of steaming gorgeous food and appreciative oohs from funky looking guests and beautifully behaved children

obv not reality TV

my USP would be a total inability to cook. it would be a comedy show.

titter at lissie staring blankly at the bubbles in the water... laugh as she somehow manages to burn the sausages.... guffaw as her poor husband spends the next 2 days whimpering on the bathroom floor because said burnt sausages were raw in the middle.

I would just channel Keith Floyd which is my approach for most things on most occasions.

can't really beat glove puppet.