Right, I got myself a bag of that barley, lentil, bean, split pea soup mix stuff...

[Pennies]

Now what the hell do I do to it to make it even vaguely edible??

Just chuck a few handfulls in a stew or casserole.It cooks down to nearly nothing but all the goodness is there.Yum.

I'd soak it overnight first then add to a soup and simmer for 1-2 hours.

Boil up two chopped onions and a potato, chopped up, with a couple of organic veg stock cubes, a big pinch of black pepper and some thyme. When thoroughly cooked and soft, blitz. Now add two good handfuls of the soup mix and cook for a good couple of hours (I cook it on the hob and just stir it regularly, but I imagine you could oven cook it if you wanted to) Add some fresh thyme/chopped parsley at the end if you want.

stir fry 2 onion, 2 cloves garlic, handfull chopped parsley and coriander with 1tsp ginger powder and saffron.
Add mix and stir for a minute add 1 glass white wine + 3 pints stocks and simmer 2 hours. add 2 skinned/chopped tomatoes at the end.