I have just dished up dinner for the dc, and discovered that I managed to cook the rice so that it is both grittily underdone and mushily over-cooked at the same time. I don't even know how I did it!
I'm not normally a bad cook (haven't poisoned anyone - yet), but occasionally get things spectacularly wrong.
A couple of years ago I managed to burn jelly.
What bizarrely improbable food disasters have you created?