Easy recipe for a complete newbie please

[ShyOyster]

I don't bake, in general. I am a decent cook but cooking scares the shit out of me, how do I know it's ready and how it tastes? It's witchcraft IMO.
However, I decided to change it. I bakes scones and cupcakes this morning. This was a revelation I had no idea I would enjoy it so much.
So could you please recommend me some fail safe recipes, for an absolute newbie?
Any tips about equipment I would need would be very much appreciated too.
I'm off to shops today to purchase some baking trays

*BAKING scares the shit out of me
Cooking is fine

Jam tarts. Buy ready rolled short crust pastry and a pastry cutter, along with a tart/patty tray (not a muffin tray as it would be too deep). Don't overfill with jam as they bubble as the jam boils and will cause sticking. Dead simple and won't go to waste. Also, you won't need to spend much money for the equipment.
Then you can graduate to making your own short crust pastry. Once you have mastered that, you can do other fillings, using the pastry as a base.
After that, try an "all-in-one" sponge, but you will need a mixer for that.

I have a very fancy mixer which I have used ONCE so will definitely give it a go.
Thank you for the tips!

If you have a mixer make shortcrust pastry.

Half the weight of fat (butter or suet) to flour. Squirt of lemon juice to make it extra 'short' and slowly add very cold water to the mixture while switched on. Stop adding water once it forms a nice ball of pastry.

Roll out and make pies, tarts etc

Mary Berry's baking bible, I bought it last Christmas to go with my brand new fancy mixer. All recipes easy to follow and all have worked brilliantly... Admittedly I haven't done much baking since about June when morning sickness kicked in but I had loads of baking successes early on in the year! In fact my mil was chuffed to arrive for the weekend to find fresh out of the oven cakes waiting for her!

I like the sound of the recipe for shortcrust pastry, seems simple enough although I might just be kidding myself
I will have a look at the Mary Berry book, anything to help!
I have just made this lemon something
But I'm too scared to cut into it, just in case it's a total disaster...

ShyOyster, you must always remember that nothing baked will ever be a disaster. True, it may not turn out how it should but will not be a disaster. If it is not to your liking, heat it up and have it for pudding with custard.

Nigella Lawson guiness cake is the easiest bake I've ever done no real mixing - tastes really nice.

I like the idea of just adding custard to whatever doesn't turn out right
I better start stocking up.
Happy to report that the lemon cake turned out just fine. And then I made too runny icing

A few tips on baking;
Look for 'All in One' recipes - Very little technique needed because you mix everything in one bowl.
Butter should be soft but not completely melted.
Sieve all dry ingredients so they are lump free.
Grease and line (with parchment paper) Tins.
Preheat the oven.
Follow the recipe.

Sponge cake- I make about 3 if these a week to keep my huge teenage boys going. I can produce one of these in 10 mins plus bskjng and icing time.

Grease a pair of non-stick 9inch cake tins (type with removable bottoms). weigh 5 eggs without their shells. Weigh out the same weight of butter, self raising flour and caster sugar.

Put butter and sugar in food processor and blend until pale. Add eggs and blend. Add flour plus 1 teaspoon baking powder. Add enough milk to make the mixture soft enough to drop easily off a spoon. Add 1tap vanilla essence if you've got some.

Divide between the tins and bake at about 160-170 degrees for 20-30 mins until the middle is risen and springs back if you press it. Leave to cool slightly before turning out onto a rack to finish cooling.

To fill and top, put about half a block of unsalted butter and about 3/4 of a box if icing sugar in the blender and cream til smooth. You can add a drop of milk if it's too firm. Use to sandwich the cake and ice the top. I also sometimes put chocolate buttons on.You can make up a bigger batch of the butter icing and freeze some Gor your next cake.

chocolate variant: replace about 20-30g of the flour with cocoa powder. I also some times make a marble cake by making a non-cocoa mix with a bit less flour, putting spoons if this around the tin, then adding cocoa to the remaining mix and using that to fill in the gaps.

Brownies are very quick and easy to make. I often make a batch for mine to take to sleepovers and parties. They get asked for now by their friends.

You will find lots of recipes online. My favourite is the Hummingbird bakery one. Don't be tempted to keep it in the over longer, it should come out not looking quite ready.

As I'm stuck at home with DS who has ANOTHER chest infection, we're doing a lot of baking. We've baked a chocolate loaf, banana bread, lemon drizzle and brownies. I might attempt sponge tomorrow.
Thank you for all the tips and recipes!