Do you make you child eat all their dinner before allowing a pudding?

[Florencejane7]

So this question has come to me after numerous comments from my parents and the in laws. If you don't eat all you dinner then you don't get a pudding. Well that's all very well if you have presented your child with something that you know they like and have eaten before but what if you have tried something new and they really don't like it but eat everything else on the plate or what if you gave them too big a portion? I remember as a child having to eat all my dinner and it was nearly always meat. I hate meat now and maybe that is why?! I ate it to get a nice pudding. This was in the 70's when vegetarianism was practically unheard if. If my children dislike a dinner I will never make another meal (although they will ask for one). Instead I make them eat all of what I know they like before having a pudding and if they don't do very well with their main meal then I still give them a piece of fruit because surely that's better than sending them to bed starving hungry. What does anyone else do?

Not big on puddings, but it would depend on what I had given them so no hard and fast rule.

Some things I insist they finish - mostly veggies. Could not generally care if they don't eat all pasta or spuds and certainly would not force them to eat more than they wanted.

If I can see that they genuinely do not like something I have made, I would not force them to eat it. They do however have to try it and more than one fork full. However, this is on the basis that I know what they hate and would never present them with something comprised of ingredients they do not like.

Would always let them have fruit or a yoghurt after a meal if they said they were hungry.

We don't expect (although we do encourage) DD to eat foods she doesn't like. She's 2, so if she doesn't like it, were very aware we are likely to just set up food problems for later, & we don't want it to be a battleground.

However, if she's been presented with a plate of food she does like & has enjoyed many times before, & decides she isn't going to eat it/throws it on the floor etc, no pudding. On the basis that she is clearly not hungry. We don't want to encourage her to think that the way to get to eat only pudding at every meal, is to misbehave.

Caveat: she is healthy & generally a good eater, & tall & heavy for her age.

My children when at home have to eat everything on their plate before they get pudding but that also goes for the adults. I generally serve small portions anyway as I consider pudding to make up part of the size of the meal. If they are still hungry they can have fruit/carrots/celery etc later.

If we eat out and the portions are huge then I don't mind them leaving some of their main meal so they can have pudding.

Forgot to say, if they have new foods I generally let them try it before I stick it on their plate so that way we don't get an entire plate of wasted food. I can box it up and freeze it for my husband to take to work if they don't like it. If I boxed it up off the plate then it would be wasted as the children often mix their food with all sorts of junk (tomato sauce/mayonnaise/mustard etc)

Our children have to eat all of what's on their plate otherwise they won't get a pudding but, we don't MAKE them eat it they know if they eat it all they'll get a pudding, if they don't they won't.

Can I say, I was always made to eat all my dinner, whether I liked it or not. I had to sit at the table for hours with a plate of cold stew or similar, many times. It would then go into the fridge for the next evening if I didn't finish it. I would get stressed about mealtimes & have IBS. I don't know which started first.

I don't have an excellent relationship with food, I don't think this helped.

However, small portions, of food that is known to be liked (and a tiny amount of a new food perhaps) sounds reasonable to ask a child to finish.

No, I don't.

I will say that I'm very lucky though - 3 year old DS is fine about trying new things, and be honest about whether he likes it or not, so I can trust that if he says he doesn't like something, then he really doesn't, and that if he's had enough then he's really had enough.

He eats a wide variety, so the fact that he doesn't like lettuce or peppers for instance, or leaves half a sausage but still wants ice-cream isn't an issue.

He's also not a gorger - he'll happily eat only a few sweets, or reject pudding in favour of something else if that's what he fancies.

If I had a child who was fussier, or inclined to stuff themselves on biscuits then refuse dinner I would probably act differently though.

No, I don't believe in forcing food when it is not wanted or when my children are full. However, I want them to give their dinner a fair go and encourage them to eat an extra spoonful of dinner when they mention that they want some pudding. But they don't have to clear their plates. If that makes any sense at all! I do give them healthy portions so I don't expect them to always finish it all.

They usually eat whatever I give them with no problems but if they really don't like whatever it is after trying it again I wouldn't force them and I would probably give them something else.

If they totally refused their dinner that I am sure they like then they would not get pudding either, because I would assume they're not hungry.

Nope. Never.
Ds eats pretty much everything, likes most things, and I don't give him too much on his plate - I'd rather he have more than get used to leaving food if it's too much or he didn't like it.
Dessert is dessert and has nothing to do with whether you've eaten or enjoyed your main dinner.
But we don't have dessert every day, maybe a couple of times a week at the most. I tend to bake quite a lot though, so we'll have cake in the afternoon quite often.

I wouldn't but we don't really have puddings. Ds3 is going through I difficult food stage, sometimes he will eat and try new things and sometimes he wont. They van have fruit later on if they are hungry, even if they havent eaten much dinner.

We don't have pudding. Theres a meal and thats it.

Absolutely not in this house. I hate the idea of using food as a reward/threat/battle ground. Ds will often go back to his main course after he has had a bit of pud. Children need to learn when they are full and to self regulate intake.

I feel strongly about this as someone who was made to eat it all up, and sweets were a reward. I still have an unhealthy relationship with food now and spent some years under an eating disorder clinic.

They never have to clear their plates but, if they are faffing about or haven't touched their food, we might set them a target of 5 more mouthfuls or just clear a small defined part of the plate.
There is a difference between finding a food too repulsive to eat (which is fine, everyone has their dislikes) and wanting to get back to playing.

They know that they won't get pudding if they haven't had a reasonable stab at their main course - because if you aren't hungry enough to eat the main course then you don't need any pudding. But it isn't something we talk about.

No never. I let them make up their own mind when they have had enough to eat and when they are ready for pudding. Although if they don't finish their main meal it goes in the fridge in case they are hungry later on. I have never in my life said "just eat a couple more forkfuls".

No. I feel compelled to clear plates even when I'm full to bursting and am trying to train myself to leave it if I'm full.

my dc have to eat a 'good portion' and try (=have a spoon full) everything on the plate. in case they haven't eaten much, the mains plate stays on the table so they can finish it after pudding if they are still hungry.

I do the same OP - if I think my 8 year old is just rushing to get back to a game or whatever then I encourage him to eat some more.

Sometimes I think oh, did put a bit much on.

But on the subject of puddings generally..i went through a phase of makig hot puddings, suppose it was the winter. Now I am back to just offering yoghurt and fruit - usually after a little while as part of a snack plate for supper. This depends on if they had a snack at about 4pm which I sometimes give them if we are eating later with DH at about 630/7.

I don't. I didn't want to promote one food is better than the other. We don't have pudding every day and sometimes is just yoghurt or fruit anyway, but even if it's a cake, they can have it regardless.

That's why I never serve the dcs but the dish is on the table do they take what they want to eat rather than I want them to eat.
I also always ask them to try and eat a small portion of food, even if I know they aren't keen because by experience, most things that are new aren't nice but after a few goes, it's acceptable and then becomes good.
I would refuse to make them a separate meal though.

Fwiw my MIL has the same attitude and it took us a long time to make her realize we don't agree with it, mainly because I believe it teaches children NOT to stop when they are full.
Also 'pudding' at our house is more or less always a fruit and I am struggling to be upset that dc2 wants to 'keep some space' for dessert when he is going up eat an apple!

Never have puddings so it just isn't an issue. Is it common to have puddings these days?

I dont make mine finish their dinner,esp not to get a pudding,i also dont use food as a bribe or a punishment.

Ragwort - I think a lot of families finish a meal with yoghurt or fruit.

No

I also don't make myself eat all my dinner before having pudding!

During one of his worst food refusal stages, I didn't care what order DS1 ate his main course and pud (usually fruit or yoghurt) in. What mattered was that it got eaten so he didn't spend the evening hungry.

Even now he's 10, if for some reason he can't eat his main course (usually anxiety related - he has ASD) I'll not prevent him from having the dessert he was going to have, anyhow, if he asks for it later, when he's a little calmer.

And our experience was the same as titscrossed - when he'd had something extremely appetising, it often stimulated his appetite and he went back and ate some of his main course.

I have vivid memories of being made to sit and eat food I hated. My brother could keep the same piece of food in his mouth all evening and not bring himself to chew and swallow. It didn't work. Turning all those ingrained "rules" on their head did work for us and made mealtimes much calmer.