I've never roasted a chicken before, can someone come and tell me what to do?

[JackThePumpkinKing]

I have a 2.1kg chicken, lemon, thyme, lots of veg and 3 hours. We're not having roasted potatoes because I am rubbish at them, so it'll be chicken cooked with veg, and boiled potatoes I think.

What do I do with the thyme and lemon?
What temp should the oven be on?
Do I need to cover the chicken with foil for a bit (I'm thinking yes, it's a bit of a beast)
How long do I need to cook it (the chicken tells me it needs 2 hours, but I don't believe it will be cooked in that time?)

I'm a pretty good cook in other respects, and if I ask my Mum I will get laughed at.

2 hours will be fine if cooked at gas 6 or 200 . Cut lemon inhalf and shove into chicken with some of the thyme. Put some butter under the skin and sprinkle on the rest of the thyme. Roast at high temp - gas 8/9 for 20 mins then cover lightly and turn oven down to 6 for rest of time. think 20 mins per 500g plus 20 mins minimum time. Any extra won't do harm. Hth.

Shall I stick some onions/carrots/celery under the chicken? I don't have a proper roasting tin either (see, proper useless), so it has to go in a big enamel dish.

Squeeze Lemon juice over the breast and put the rest in the chicken. Sprinkle Thyme on top (and any Rosemary if you have any). Turn it upside down so the chicken breast is underneath and cover it all with foil. You should have cooking time and temperature on the packaging of the chicken - 2hours is quite a bit but if you say it's a big chicken that makes sense. Make sure there isn't anything inside the chicken (sometimes the giblets/innards are included inside). Then stick it in the oven (preheated), turn it over 2/3 of the time through and take foil off so it goes crispy on top. Take some of the juices from the roasting pan and cover the chicken so it doesn't go dry. Take out and when you're sure the juices are clear, it's done and cover with foil for 15 minutes, leave it on the side so that it will be nice and tender.

Rub some of the butter into the chicken to make delicious crispy skin.

Agree with shoving the lemon and thyme into the chicken too.

I think it's 20 mins for each 450g of chicken, plus another 20 mins for good luck. About gas 7.

Roast spuds are easy. Boil a bit, put on very oily try, top of hot oven and turn half way through after 30 mins.

enamel dish is fine. You could put that extra stuff under the chicken if you want to.

heat up the oven for as hot as it goes.
rub the chicken skin with butter and salt or stock granules.
put in the hot oven for about 20min, then turn down temperature to 150degrees and cook for 20min per 500g of bird.
baste occassionally.
when you take it from the oven sit it up for a couple of mins so the juices run out (which you can then pour into the gravy for flavour).

Whats so hard about roast potatoes? Boil some spuds for 10 mins then put them in the oven with a bit of oil drizzled for 45 mins!!

don't worry about the 'rant about adults who can't cook' brigade...
I cooked my first whole bird a couple of years ago at the ripe old age of 34.
for some reason it scared me, but I do cook a lot...

I don't know - seriously, I'm not an idiot and I'm a really good cook otherwise, but for some reason my roasted spuds always turn out crap (according to DP - I don't actually eat them, so I don't really know what they should be like).

Doesn't the oven need to be really hot for roasties?

I stick the lemon up its arse and garlic cloves over the legs and just pop it in the oven.

There isn't much as nice as the smell of a roasting chicken yum yum yum.

Spuds - I just peel them. Heat up olive oil in a roasting dish. Wait for it to sizzle and chuck them in without par boiling with rosemary salt pepper and whole garlic cloves (don't bother peeling then)

Just smoosh them about once or twice. Lush they are and easy.

Mousy thanks - I don't know what's rattled her cage, but it's not the first time she's made some nasty comment

Pickled I think I shall so that with the lemon.

Just put roast potatoes on top shelf Bd chicken in middle. Should be fine.

I par boil the potatoes and scrape with a fork so they are roughed up, add a touch of salt and throw into hot fat, that way they have crispy outsides and fluffy insides (sometimes)

I'm crap at roast potatoes too - parsnips crisp up much more easily (and nicer IMO). Parboil for 10 mins and then shove them in on a baking tray drizzled with oil and a bit of runny honey at top of oven. My oven is feeble and I do this a whole 30 mins before the chicken is due to be ready.

The only other veg I do for a simple roast is braised cabbage/kale/greens. Chopped onion + bacon or bacon bits in pan, get them sizzling gently, add a bit of chicken stock (which you will be making up for gravy anyway), turn it up to gentle bubbling and cram the greens in. They will reduce in size.

Definitely second shove the thyme into the chicken, it scents the meat beautifully. You could keep some back to spring on the parsnips.

I'm too lazy to par boil mine!

(I recently asked for advice on fish pie which is really basic to some people but I just happen to crap at it. Everyone was very nice and helpful! So just somebody having a bad day...)

Spring on the parsnips?

Sprinkle.

"Ha, weren't expecting THAT were you, parsnips?"

Mulled
It's actually really pissed me off. Why do people have to be like that?

Never mind..

Don't worry about it! Just think of the lush chicken dinner we will have later.

We are all good at different stuff.

We! I mean you

Unless I'm invited!

But I AM really good at cooking. I'm an amazing cook. I could have just shoved the chicken in for 2 hours and it would have been fine, but I wanted to make it really nice :) so I asked for help.

Anyway, its Sunday afternoon. I'm not going to let some snarky old trout piss me off

Pickled - bahaha, that made me laugh

I'm really good at roast dinners but crap at a few other things. It took me years to get lasagne right!

I think that rude thread is actually response to a different thread Jack -- the one from a single mum who wanted to learn how to cook properly for herself and her DD. Which is even worse because clearly she was struggling a bit and looking for advice

Anyway if it makes you feel better I have never cooked a bird in my life. I'm 41. I came here looking for advice too! Thank you ladies, I'm going to put all your great advice into action sometime this holiday season.