The Anxiety Club- part 3!

[blissa]

Couldn't think of a more imaginative title!

Hi girls

I posted a reply on the other thread and now it's too big to reply to, so here we are a nice sparkly new thread!

xx

Hi ladies,
Hol sounds fab kildare - wish I had the balls to get on a plane again oh well, one issue at a time ! I quite like the landing bit too - just the rest of it I'm not keen on!
Yommy - sounds like you've been enjoying the summer hols - when does school start again? Wedding is going to be March next year - quite exciting! How did you cope with it all at 3 months pregnant!? Hope you managed to enjoy the meal and weren't bogged down with morning sickness
Hello to everyone else xx

Hi

Kildare -So glad you had an enjoyable holiday

Piggymad-Piggies didnt even get their floor time together tonight as the bullying was too bad(must be piggy pmt)

Had C.B.T today and have to write a letter to my sister (which will be weird with her being dead an all)It's to deal with some of the anger i think.Feeling positive about it all and i have been more sociable at the school which made me feel happier.It made me feel that maybe i can be liked by people?

Hope everyone else is well?

oo all change with names here,
I hoep you don;t mind me popping back in.

I amhaving a hard time keeping control of things at the moment, I know it is because I have more on my plate than I can handle, but there is nothing that can be removed.

I am feeling sick, on the edge of tears and yet not able to cry, and can feel all the blood pumping all round my body.

I have gone through everything over and over again, I have time to do all the things that need doing, but as soon as I have finished the list and start to get on with things again I seem to forget that I have worked it all out and that I have enough time and I start to panic again.

Some things can not be done sooner so there is not point in trying to get them out of the way.

anyone aroud to help me?

Hi PGS,
Sorry you're going through a bad time. Are all of the things that need to be done long-term everyday things or are they things that are going on just for the moment? Have you tried keeping up with relaxation techniques - warm baths/lavendar oil in incense burners/yoga/deep breathing/relaxation cds? Those are the sorts of things I try to do a few times a week - especially walks round the park and lake and deep-breathing around the trees etc as I always feel calmer around nature. I also make sure I write everything down before bed in lists or notes so that I can get to sleep easier without everything whizzing round. Sorry can't be much more help

Thanks for your reply,
I think that you are spot on. All the things that I normally do to keep myself on an even keel have had to stop a) because it is the school holidays b) because this next month we have too much going on.

I know that I need to just get through this week. Am making a wedding cake that needs to be delivered on Saturday, Packers are coming in on Friday to pack up the kitchen, We are going on Holiday on Sunday, The kitchen people are coming in to rip out the kitchen on Sunday after we have left.

We are trying to get the boys to have some time with grandparents when we get back, so I am going to get in contact with a friend and ask her if I can go and stay for a couple of days, she lives on the coast and I will be able to be outside in the sea air alot. (which always helps)

The fear is feeding itself at the moment, I get anxious, then I cant think straight, then I slip to the I can't be here any more type thoughts. and I don't want to go there and the thought of going there makes me more anxious and so it goes on IYKWIM>

Anyway, DH has just gone to the tip, leaving me with the boys so I have to go. Sorry for ranting. x

Is there room for another on this thread? I don't really know what's going on with me right now, but I am so anxious and stressed (and sometimes angry) that I feel like I'm going to just spin apart and fly into a million pieces. I was just starting to pull together from PND, and making progress towards feeling more like myself, when DH was diagnosed with stress/depression. The GP put him on meds and told him he would be set up with a weekly therapy call - of course this was FIVE WEEKS ago. Good thing it wasn't urgent . In the meantime, I feel like he is just dragging me down with him. He's a little paranoid and cross, and sleeps alot. We have two DSs, 4yrs and 1yr. I honestly have been feeling again like I was when I had the PND - like nothing I do matters, that nobody hears me, like I'm alone. Can't talk to DH, he doesn't get it. Can't bear to hear one more time from him when he's cross or been sleeping and leaving things to me "I can't help it." Apparently he feels only one person in the house can be stressed at a time, I don't know. I was trying to explain to him this afternoon that when he asks me something and then doesn't listen to the answer, I really struggle with the frustration as I just feel invisible. I don't want to go to the GP, as DH is already on meds. If we both are, I am worried we're going to end up dealing with social services or something. I've never had any dealings with them before, and the stories scare me silly. Both boys are healthy and happy, and well taken care of. I guess I'm just falling apart on the inside - I'm trying so hard not to let anyone see how completely out of control and off kilter I feel. Does that make sense?

DH works nights, so he's not here at night, sleeping (so not here really) during the day, and then comes downstairs for maybe 2 hours, then goes back to sleep in the evening before going back to work. Even if he stays downstairs in the evening, he nods off sitting on the sofa. I just feel abandoned and alone.... stupid and overmelodramatic, I suppose....

God, I killed the thread. Nevermind.

Hi Triggles!
No you didn't - it's been quite quiet on here recently. It sounds like you're having a really rough time - I know I struggle to be around people who are stressed/depressed if I am feeling emotionally vulnerable so it must be very difficult with your husband also going through a difficult time.
Social services don't reprimand people for taking medication and getting help with their mental health (as far as I know anyway). I'm around a bit tonight and tomorrow if you need to chat.

I'm feeling ok today after difficult few days of little sleep and meotional turbulence due to pmt. Touch wood, anxiety has been ok recently. Feeling quite positive and think the initial adrenalin feelings after wedding organising has gone down a bit thankfully.

Hello to everyone else - pelvic -hope jaw is ok, blissa and yommy -hope hols are going ok, greyskulls - hope you are having a better day and I'm sure a few days by the sea will do wonders - I love the seaside
xx

PiggyMad Thanks, sorry, I thought I just freaked everyone out and killed it. Yes, things have been insane here lately. DH is walking around growly and not taking any responsibility for it just "I can't help it" and laying the blame on depression - but I only buy that to a point. He seems to be able to control it in public, but not at home lately. He's not controlling or anything, just incredibly grouchy and irritable lately. No patience with anything, including the kids. And it just drives me nuts as that means I have literally NO down time. Even when I'm in the other room, working on the budget spreadsheet or cooking or washing up or whatever and he's with the kids, I have to kind of monitor it and step in if need be. It's just exhausting. He doesn't get it and if I tell him he's being wretched (albeit more gracefully worded), then he gets all defensive and says "I can't help it (grrr HATE that phrase!!!) they wound me up..." So of course, my immediate reaction is "um, you're being bested by a 1yo and a 4yo??" How come I am coming unglued, but can cope with 2 little boys all day, but he can't manage an hour?? Please tell me this happens to other people, as I am going spare. I know this is not really DH, as honest to God, he always used to be a cheerful, fairly positive fellow, and I can see the difference dramatically with this depression. But how can it take over 6 weeks now for the GP to line him up with a counsellor??? 6 WEEKS and still nothing... we've checked back with the GP only to be told they are really busy and it takes awhile to get it set up. All they've done is throw him on meds and asked him how they're working. But without speaking to anyone at length or learning coping skills or some kind of cognitive therapy, how can he get better??

sorry... as you can see, I am really not much better myself. It's been a particularly hellish afternoon. Our 4yo is getting really rowdy and hyper and DH just can't correlate that the more he shouts and gets cross, the more hyper DS gets. And when I try to point it out, then he gets defensive and paranoid "so it's MY fault...." I don't want our marriage to fall apart, but honestly if they don't get him a counsellor soon, it's going to. I can't deal with this much longer.....

Sorry you've had a bad day
Some ladies have mentioned a few different websites that might help you and/or him whilst you're waiting for the 'real' therapy. He can get started with online cbt and courses -I have done a few actually and they can be quite helpful. One is www.moodscope.com - it asks you 20 different questions about different feelings and you rate them (e.g. how excited/anxious/guilty etc do you feel) and it plots them on a graph every day. I do that one everyday to note patterns - e.g. more anxious before period every month.
Another one is depressionfallout.com - not used that before but a few people have mentioned it on the baords - helping other family members when someone else in the family has depression.
There's another one called moodgym (not sure of site address so might be best to google it) and livinglifetothefull.com or something like that.
I know when I was terribly anxious I could just about pull it together for other people, but would be frazzled at home and took it all out on my poor dp - was very angry, irritable and irrational and didn't 'mean' to be - just couldn't cope with how I felt. Hopefully the meds will kick in after a couple of weeks and he might start to feel a bit better. If they don't work he can always try some others.

Hope everyone else is well. I've had a couple of anxious days due to lack of sleep and had a bit of a falling out with dp last night as he was fannying around past my bedtime (10pm early yes, but I was really tired due to lack of sleep for past 5 days). I just got more and more wound up about being kept awake and then wouldn't be able to sleep and would end up worse etc etc as had a really busy day today so was anxious about all of that. I retreated to the sofa and had a good cry - cue exasperated dp ("it's only half past bloody ten!").
Anyway, feeling a lot better now - got to sleep ok in the end

PiggyMad Thanks so much for the websites.. he's sleeping right now, and I'm just sitting here stressed out, so I might go take a look at them. Sorry you've had some stress yourself as well. I'm afraid I'm the one that is going mad over DH's sleep habits - when I get stressed, I CAN'T sleep, and when he gets stressed, he wants to sleep more. So it can get a bit ugly in that regard.lol

I'm so funny about sleep - I hate it when you go overtired and then can't get to sleep - seriously stresses me out. DP can happily function on 6 hours a night but I need my 8! Hope the websites are helpful.

Hello everyone. Its very quiet on here lately, but maybe that's a good sign as everyone is not feeling so anxious and enjoying the summer/hols! Well I feel good myself at the moment. I am starting to wean myself off the AD's under my GP's advice/insturctions, which I feel good about. I am weaning myself off very slowly, I should be off them in the next month or so and I will take it from there. If I find I can't cope, I will go back on them but my GP and myself feel that I am ready! So wait and see....

Welcome Triggles, I am sorry to hear your DH is not well and that your are feeling the brunt of it. Can I ask you how long is he on meds and what brand and strenth? It can take a couple of weeks to see any improvement. Another good website is nomorepanic.com. I found that very useful and had good advice.

Piggymad - How are you feeling you today? How is the job going? I walked past Monsoon last week, very good sale happening! Are you mad busy at the moment? Hope you get a goods night sleep tonight.

kildare I'm not sure what he's on, but he's been on them about 6 wks now. He thinks there has been slight improvement, to which I agree, but when the GP offered to up the strength DH said no. Although yesterday he said maybe he would tell the GP yes when he goes in next time. Thank you for the additional website, I'll look at it tonight. Best of luck to you in weaning off the meds.

My diverticular disease has kicked in big time, which it always does when I'm stressed, and now I'm on meds for that. Fun days. LOL

piggymad I can function on 6 hrs, and have on much less for a longer time that I'd care to think about, but it'd be nice to have 8, just to see what it's like for a change.

Afternoon Ladies,

Boy it really has been quiet on here. Guess everyone is busy with the summer hols! We only have 2 1/2 weeks til the kids go back to school and my hubby goes back to work

I am feeling pretty low at the moment. Have so much going on just now that involves money and so little money. Its totally getting me down as its constantly on my mind Honestly feel like I just want to bury my head in the sand for the next few weeks! Its horrible.

Other than that things are good I guess.

I am a bridesmaid at a wedding tomorrow and I have so much to do before then

My DS has just fallen asleep so I have to get as much done just now as possible.

Welcome triggles, sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time at the moment. My kids are exactly the same ages 1 and 4. The can be hard work at times, can;t they?? Especially when you have them all day with very little help. I hope you DH gets the help he needs soon!

Hi to eveyone else. Hope you are all well!

x x x

Hi Triggles, wish I could function on so little sleep How are things with you?

Kildare - well done on the ad withdrawal - I hope all goes well. You seem very self-aware though so it sounds like the right time I managed to get a bit more sleep last night but still a bit shattered as had my mum down trying wedding dresses on, visiting florists etc but now all major things are sorted!

Yommy - sorry to hear you are feeling low Are you still thinking of getting a job? Hope you enjoy the rest of the hols with kiddies and hubby!

Hi to everyone else too xx

Afternoon everyone! Yommy - Have a great time at the wedding today. What colour is your dress? Tell us all, it will give Piggy some good ideas! I am sorry to hear you are worrying about money, it seems to be the no 1 worry for a lot of people at the moment. How does your DH feel about it? I don't know your financial circumstances but could you talk to Citizens Advice?

Piggy - You lucky thing, I loved organising my wedding all 9 years ago ! Have you ordered your dress? Did your Mum enjoy herself? Sounds like you are very organised. Glad you slept a little bit more.

Triggles - How are you today? I have 2 ds aswell! They are 7 and 4 and they are great fun, but I certainly remember when they were 4 and 1 and it is very very hard work!!! So be kind to yourself. I think its a very good sign that your DH came round himself to the idea that he should increase his meds. Happens to lots of people, the brain is very complex and individual to us all. What works for one person won't necessarily work for the next. Lastly, look after yourself, go to your GP regarding how your are feeling. I promise you Social Services will not be involved. The amount of families in your position at the moment, you would not believe!!! So don't be hard on yourself, you are going through a tough time at the moment, but it will get better!

Anyway I am grand, weather is mixed. Lashing raining with thunder and then 5 mins later sun shining Although quite warm. Don't know whether to chance park or indoor activity centre. Personally I'd like to have a nosey around the shops and have a nice Costa Coffee!!!! Talk later. xxx

just checking in to get my feelings down really.
I can not deal with change, nor the unknown it makes my ptsd worse. But today am trying to take babysteps through the next 24 hours.
have broken the day into small bites and am really trying not to think of the big picture. Am also trying to stay in the moment with my head as it is very likely to drift off into a dark place.

we have got to 4.24 and the packing of the kitchen is done ready for the kitchen to be ripped out tomorrow.
I have found and de-nitted DS's hair (stuff smelt awful have never had to do that before!)
have delivered wedding cake to venue for this afternoons wedding.
need to finish packing for holiday.
then clean the sitting room and our bedroom.
ham egg and chips for dinner
early to bed for us all as we have a 4am flight tomorrow morning to spain.

but for some reason at the moment I am not feeling on top of it. my heart is racing and I can feel the blood pumping through all of my body. I just want to hide in a corner and ignore everything hopin it will go away.

I don't want to go on holiday and I dont want a new kitchen I just want it all to stop.

BTPOG oh god, you have my sympathies just for the nit stuff alone!!! they are miserable aren't they?? my nieces lived with me for awhile quite a few years back and we were constantly battling lice with them - every time they visited with their mum (my dsis), they got them again as she refused to treat her own hair. Just about lost my mind! Hope you have a nice flight and holiday, even though you say you don't want to go. (Ok, I'll admit I'm not fond of holidays away either - but that's my own silly hangup with no particular reason!)

yommy - we're battling financial problems here as well. I honestly think it's the main source of DH's stress, even though I'm the one dealing with the finances. I think he just worries it through his thoughts overly much, not that I blame him, he's just the type that hates owing money and not being able to pay.

kildare sounds like you've had a good day - I'm glad. It's not been too bad here either, for the most part.

piggymad - hope you're doing well.

I'm holding out a bit better today, as DS3's first birthday was today. Family popped over for cake, and we had a lovely afternoon, even if the kids did all get far far too wound up!! DH got upset as they were jumping all over the place (DS2 & DGS1) and had to step out of the room to destress... which is fine, but then left me to deal with it all...

GP stated I am going to have to go see consultant again regarding the diverticular disease, who told me previously I needed to consider surgery. Not something I wanted, but simply another thing to stress over. I'm going to try and "put it on the back burner" so to speak and not think about it until I see the consultant, as I have enough to deal with right now. Avoidance and head buried in sand, maybe, but I don't want to overload.

Now I'm just awake as I can't sleep... brain racing and won't shut down....

Hi ladies,
greyskulls - hope holiday goes well - I get more stressed than relaxed when I go away too

yommy - yes please do tell us all the goss from the wedding - any tips to do or avoid?! I've chosen my dress and the florist now so quite exciting - my mum got a bit tearful bless her. Just about come down from the anxious tense high brought about by all of the organising. Was quite overwhelming!

kildare - weather's been funny here too - can't believe it is the 1st of August today - doesn't feel like it. Hope you're feeling well and the withdrawal is going ok.

triggles - hope you managed to get some sleep in the end last night! The party sounds as though it went well - at least the kiddies had a good time even if it was a bit manic! Hope you had a nice cuppa/glass of red to chill out afterwards.

Hi to everyone else too xx

Hi ladies - hope everyone is doing well. Have finished my antibiotics for the diverticular flareup, and am feeling a bit better. DH is off work as of yesterday for stress. His GP has actually been telling him for a few weeks now that he really should take some time off and allow himself to regroup, but he's missed so much work due to my illness, that he didn't want to put his job in any more jeopardy. He is having some difficulty dealing with the idea that I am most likely going to have major surgery with a fairly lengthy recovery time. I'm not keen on the idea either, but his first wife died of breast cancer, so he doesn't deal with hospital stuff well at all. We're both fairly stressed about the financial aspect of it now, but I can't imagine that he'll get fired for this. What a run of bad luck!

He is doing my head in a bit. I know he is having difficulty dealing with things, and I understand he needs a bit of leeway in this regard. So obviously I can vent at him, but oh my god the indecision and mind-changing is sending me right up the wall. And since I was already off kilter myself, you can imagine where I'm at with this!! Two stressed and somewhat depressed people can make things a bit hairy, to say the least. Just an example, I was working on the banking/budgeting spreadsheet, updating and organising everything, which takes me about an hour. He even said he'd keep track of the boys while I was working on it, so I could focus on it better. So then, 15 minutes later, he says "do you mind taking over with the boys so I can go upstairs and play on the playstation to destress a bit?" Ok... in about 45 minutes, no I don't mind. So then he's waiting for me to finish... shuffling about, talking to me (distracting me), getting set to go upstairs.... So I finally said "YOU said you would be on child duty for an hour while I did this - it's important and it MUST be done correctly - so you can bloody well wait until I'm done!" So now he's annoyed with me... I'm annoyed with him. He'll come down later and apologise for being inconsiderate and it'll be fine, but for now, I'm just irritated. He did this earlier as well. Made me a cup of tea, then dropped the baby in my lap and went to make a phone call to his work. Well, what happened to me having a chance to drink a stupid cup of tea for heaven's sake? The phone call wasn't urgent, it could have waited 10 minutes. He's usually more considerate than this, (and rarely plays the playstation so THAT's a non-issue) so I know it's just that he's distracted and stressed. But I guess it just shows that I am too, as this is small stuff... so why does it aggravate me so much??

Anyone else find that stupid small little things sometimes send them around the bend?? I know at the time that my anger is waaay out of proportion, but I can't seem to help it. I don't get physical or scream or yell or anything... just seem to fume about it for ages.

oops. that was "I CAN'T vent at him"....

Oddly enough, DH has now decided to drop a bombshell (or at least I think so) on me, saying he can see why people who are depressed just walk off without a word and go missing. When I asked if this was something he was thinking about, all he would say was "well, I obviously can't promise anything..hopefully I won't." So here I am, still ill from diverticular flare up, in pain and on pain meds, worried about ending up in hospital... and he pops up with this. So I told him this was a really bad time for this as I am ill and now I have to worry that if I end up in hospital, will he just walk out and leave the children? So he gets angry and says of course he wouldn't do that.. well, now how am I supposed to know this? It still worries me, and he is angry as he says I should just be happy that he can be honest with me. Um, ok.. but that doesn't mean you can drop a bombshell like that on me and then tell me I am supposed to be happy about it. I need time to get my head around that. So he decides that he is going to leave for the night and go to his sister's house and send MIL to come stay with me as I'm ill. (without even consulting me he called MIL and arranged it!) And when I said I didn't want his extended family involved in this (as the gossip gets horrendous, and even though they mean well, it can really be difficult sometimes), he cancelled that and disappeared upstairs, dumping two upset and crying boys on me, when I'm least physically and emotionally capable of dealing with it alone. And even after telling him I needed asisistance, he stayed up in our room, ignoring it all. I'll admit at that point I got cross and demanded he decide either he's IN the marriage or he's NOT. I am so tired of him using his depression as an excuse to be an asshole. So now he is walking around like a bear with a sore head, and I'm tearfully thinking I see the end of a marriage.... not a good day all the way around....

Hi ladies

Sorry I have not been around for so long.

Hi Triggles I'm sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time atm. Is your dh getting any other help with his depression? Sounds like a counsellor might be a good idea. Has he suffered from depression before?

I can totally understand all the little things building up, especially when you have so much going on and not feeling well in yourself. My mum had to have an operation for diverticulitis a couple of years ago.

Has he said any more to you today?

Hope you have been feeling better Yommy. Does ds start in reception in september? My ds does and to be perfectly honest I can't wait. His behaviour has gotten quite bad and a really think it will do him good.

Lovely to hear your wedding plans are going well Piggy. How is work going? I saw another lovely dress in the window of Monsoon the other day. Shame it's £55! Will have to wait for the sales.

I know it's a bit late Greyskull but I hope you enjoy your holiday.

Glad you had a lovely holiday kildare, you are sounding very well.

Hope you are ok Pelvic and anyone else I've missed

Does anyone know whether Armadillo had her baby yet?

blissa - no, the GP said EIGHT WEEKS ago that they had a counsellor programme that would be contacting him, but that it might take a few months before they do. So they've dumped him on medication and once a month GP visits, and expect that to help, with no counselling at all. He has website stuff, but it's just talking to other people - not a professional that can help him find coping techniques and such. So he just seems to be more and more difficult to live with. He's doing his usual cop-out right now - sleeping (which frustrates me to no end as not only is he avoiding everything, but it leaves me again with 2 children and feeling ill and sore). He's just woke up and expects me to be cheerful and pleasant now.... God, I'm getting so frustrated with all this....