The Anxiety Club- part 3!

[blissa]

Couldn't think of a more imaginative title!

Hi girls

I posted a reply on the other thread and now it's too big to reply to, so here we are a nice sparkly new thread!

xx

Evening Ladies,

Hope you are all having a nice evening! DH came home tonight - he and DS have gone to bed to watch iron man 1 and I am watching BB downstairs I am glad its the last one as I am a little fed up with it now, but don;t want to miss it, lol !

My anxiety has been pretty crappy this week, but its down to worrying so much about this hen night, however, I have decided that I am going to go and I AM going to have a good time! I am actually quite looking forward to a wee night out, but feel weird about looking forward to it. I know that sounds weird, but I have spent so long trying to avoid situations like this when I really wish I could go for the odd night out without having to worry about panicing. So there you have it! lol!

Had DS's nusery trip yesterday and it never stopped raining the whole day It was still a good wee day though and mostly anxiety free

Anyway, I am going to go to bed and watch the rest of BB!

Will check in as often as I can while DH is home, lol! Honestly its like having 3 children when he is home rather than just the 2

Goodnight all x x x

Hello ladies,

Armadillo you are incredibly brave and you are certainly not, as dr and dh have said, crazy - it is crazy people who have had such an effect on you and your behaviour sounds incredibly understandable. I'm sorry I don't really know what to say and don't want to say the wrong thing, but it sounds like you now have the strength to confront the things from your past and deal with them so that you can be a fabulous mother without your own horrible horrible experiences affecting that. Maybe things have come to a head for a reason now your life is stable and you are happy. Sounds like you have a really supportive dh and his family too

kildare hope you're well - how's the weather over there? Rainy here in yorkshire!

blissa back from book club and was so gutted about Rudy - wanted them to kiss . Also wondered if her and Max (the Jewish man in the basement) might get together when he came back to find her at the end. Hope dd2 enjoyed brownies!

yommy hello! Bet you're pleased to have dp back. I totally understand about the anxiety about one thing making you anxious more generally. Happens to me a lot. You are braver than I am - I think I would have made an excuse and pulled out of the hen night

Hope all the lovely ladies are well xxx

Hi

Armadillo-You have been to hell and back by the sounds of it.You must be so strong.Sounds like everything has come to a head.

Yommymommy-Sorry your anxiety has been bad
Going on a hen night would be hell for me.

I have had a bad day today .Been feeling very low and kind of tired of it all.I know it's weak but sometimes i just think one day i will snap because i am so tired of feeling sad.It seems there is no end to it all.
The psychologist i see for CBT is very good.I have different 'homework to do such as drawing a picture of another woman with same lifestyle etc(sounds weird to you all i suppose)I have already drawn a picture of myself.I have to make small changes and document them.Also Situations that freak me out and behaviours i have.

Hi pelvic - sorry you're having a bad day. The cbt homework sounds hard - I bet it is a challenge. I suppose it makes sense though about challenging your view of yourself? I had one cbt sessions about challenging my thoughts and behaviours, but I didn't go back after that. I think I'm the sort of person who needs to do it in my own time rather than feeling like I'm under more pressure 'to perform'. I then went to see a counsellor to just talk about things and that made me feel so much better. It's so nice to have extra support when you need it.

sorry to jump back in when things are shit.

am in a bad fizz this morning, got to go and see the doctor and tryig to be rational about it but am not succeeding.

not sure how to explain to her where things are, want her to take me seriously without talking about my mental health, my undercarriage needs dealing with and each time I have mentioned it before she keeps telling me we should sort "me" out first.
I have put on loads of weight and I know that is an issue, I know that I need help and want some blood tests to check if it really is a case of too many calories in and not enough calories burned.
I can harly breathe, appointment is at 10, have waited 3 weeks to see her so can't not go but feel like I have been glued to this chair.

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH

Hi Greyskull,

How did you get on at the drs? Am about for a bit if you need a chat, it's nice to see you

YommyMommy I hope the hen night goes well. Hopefully you will be feeling better once it's over.

Piggymad thank you you definately did not say the wrong thing.

Pelvicfloornomore that sounds like draining work. Good in long term but very hard in the short term. Can you take a day off? Have a day pottering/in bed with not having to do anything. I am lucky in that dh lets me do this and it can make a huge difference.

Bythepowerofgreyskull I really hope your appt went ok. I always panic over drs stuff - they can be quite scary.

Hi ladies,
thanks for being so kind even though I have been awol for so long.

thingswent ok with the doctor, she said exactly what I needed to hear, I DO NOT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS FOREVER!! (undercarriage wise)
She has asked for a specific time frame of me doing 50 pevlic floor exercises a day and then to go back, if no improvement she will refer me to a physio and if that doesnt work I can have an operation to fix it PHEW!!

It has thrown up loads of stuff that I need to talk to my therapist about tomorrow, as when she was talking about me not having to do this as an old lady - it made me realise that I have no intention of still being here as an old lady.. perhaps we haven't made the level of progress that I had thought.

anyway have bought some chocolate so going to have a coffee and that before picking up DS1 from school.

Thnaks again ladues.

the appt itself sounds like it was positive then.

I'm sorry that it seems to have triggered other stuff for you though.

A coffee and chocolate break before school run sounds like a good idea. Use it to relax as best you can.

I'm glad things went well with the dr Greyskull, reminds me I should do the old pelvic floor exercises more often! I hope your session goes well tomorrow.

Hope you are starting to feel a bit more positive about this hen night Yommy. Where are you going, clubbing? Nice that dh is home

What is your next book Piggy?

Hope you are ok today Pelvic, how is the homework going?

I'm having an awful night so far. I know this isn't anxiety related, but need to tell someone. Went out with a friend who is trying to conceive and came back and was talking dp about it and he came out and said that he doesn't want kids for a few years actually - despite us discussing it and agreeing on starting to try at the end of the year.
I feel devastated and so angry like he's been stringing me along and so stupid.

Hi all thanks for being here

I was more positive today and went for a walk/run round the forest(alone,which is unlike me)I then felt a bit manic and didnt sit down to eat anything until 2pm.
I managed to make a long list of BDD behaviours last night.The homework is quite manageable at the moment but i suppose it will get harder and take up more time.I just hope it doesnt make me feel bogged down.

Greyskull-Hello
Glad that your GP appointment went well and you have some sort of plan to get things sorted.

Piggymad-Have you made your first purchase at work yet?or did i miss that?

Hope everyone else ok?

piggymad how are you doing this morning?

has he said why he duped you?

Pelvicfloornomore sounds like the day went a bit better. I have manic days and they are quite scary as nothing stops - my mind, doing things constantly.

Hi armadillo. feeling a bit better this morning. Part of me thinks its because he's a fucking coward - coming up with 'reasons' like we aren't financially stable - which is ridiculous as we both earn more than enough. I think he's waiting for the perfect life and reality just isn't like that. On a more sympathetic note, I think he has been more affected than he lets on by his parents' recent divorce after 25 years of being together. His mum was obviously gutted as father ran off with younger woman and his younger sisters have no contact with the father anymore - partly due to the mother's emotional blackmail and manipulation of them. He keeps saying that you shouldn't have children unless you're certain you're never going to separate or divorce. Not sure if I should take that as him saying he's not sure we won't split up? We've been together for four years and we're both mid-twenties so I know I'm not at a 'desperate' stage, but I just thought we both had the same life plans. I'm dropping it now but I just said I can't wait forever and sometimes you just have to take a leap even if you're scared (says the anxiety sufferer!!!)

Anyway, sorry for my rant. Glad cbt work going well pelvic and hope you're feeling ok toway armadillo. Got my mum, aunt and gran coming to visit today for a pub lunch so just doing a bit of mad tidying! Then got to go round to MIL's new house - she moved in yesterday (post-divorce new place) and we didn't go round yesterday as his gps were there and there's been a stand off there after the devoutly catholic grandmother sent us a nasty letter about dp living in sin (also wonder if this is a reason he wants to put off having children - fear of his family being 'ashamed')!! Aren't families funny things

Oh Piggy, I am sorry. Sounds like there are a few reasons why he could be scared, but that doesn't excuse him not being straight with you. I'm sure no one chooses to have children if they think that in future they will split up, but life is strange and who knows what will happen? If he uses that excuse, it may never happen, although I understand he may still be raw from his parents divorce.

As for the grandmother, my grandparents were never happy with the fact that me, and my sister, both had children out of wedlock. And the grief my dad got when my other sister divorced ! He can't live his life through other peoples. I hope you manage to talk and sort things through.

Sounds like a nice day yesterday Pelvic. I'm sure the therapist won't give you any more homework than you can cope with, it wouldn't make sense to make you feel more pressure.

I'm glad it's friday- I feel knackared! Tried to go back to bed this morning, but couldn't sleep so have just been pottering about and doing some cleaning.

Hello to everyone else xx

piggymad sounds like there is a lot going on atm. Maybe he'll change his mind in a few months when he's managed to deal with it all a bit better. hope you have a nice lunch

blissa hope you manage to have an easy day. I was up at 6.30am as had been awake since 5 and then knackered by 9am. Luckily not too busy a day today.

Afternoon Ladies,

Thought I had better check in while I have 5 mins to myself!! HD has boys away getting hair cuts! I have warned him only to trim DS2's hair and he has the most beautiful blond/white hair! People comment on it everywhere I go

Blissa - hope you have mamanged to have a relaxing day since you are feeling tired! Have you still be helping out at DS's nursery? What will you do once he has gone to school? Will you still be able to help out if you wanted to??

Sorry about your DP piggy, I honestly think that sometimes men are on a completly different planet to us women - no joking!!!! Both my sons were unplanned, DS 1 out of wedlock (sp??), we were skint, blah, blah!!! But we had him regardless and for DS2 we were in an even worse finacial situation (had just bought a bigger house), but we had him anyway and I am so glad! You just managed! To be honest I don;t think I would have had another one as there would never have been the "right time"! How is the job going?

Armadillo - you are such a brave lady dealing with all you have been through. Not sure I would have been as strong as you!

Welcome back BTP - sorry to hear you had a bad day, but glad that the appointment went well! I wouldn;t worry about not thinking about getting old. I barly think of myself being around when I am an old lady, not because I don;t want to be here, just because I don't think of myself that way at the moment! Actually I hate the thought!! lol !

Well done on the run pelvic - and I agree with Blissa, if you feel the homework is getting to much just tell them. I'm sure there is no way they will want to overload you and make you more stressed!

Well its the hen night tomorrow night and I am actually quite looking forward to it now, lol! Have taken the approach that no point dreading it as its going to happen and I should just go with the flow and try to have a good night! I am looking forward to the challange!! If I get through tomorrow night its a step closer to having some sort of social life back, right??? I have to get through it for my friend, so I will!

Goind to watch wed's Desp Housewives, not seen it yet and its the last one til next year

Hope you all have a nice evening x x x

Hi

Piggymad-So sorry i crossed posted with you last night.Sounds like he needs to make his mind up instead of leading you on.From the sounds of it he could be heavily influenced by his family.I dont think anyone would have children if they thought too deeply about it and i dont believe that there is ever a 'right' time to do it.Both of my girls were planned and born out of wedlock and i was raised Catholic(i call myself confused lol).My eldest attends catholic school and is making her Holy Communion tomorrow

Speaking of which i am dreading it as i dont like social gatherings and i am in a panic over having to get 'dressed up' and i just see something horrible in the mirror.Oh well i suppose i just have to dig my nails in and get on with it.

Hi Pelvic. Have you bought anything specially to wear tomorrow?

Hi Blissa i just got a top(nothing fancy)as i wanted to wear it again.My black trousers are all i have to go with it or leggings as i live in jeans.

Evening everyone. I am in good form my self, weather not too bad, quite warm today. I love football, so delighted world cup started !

Piggy - My only advice for what it is worth is! Men can be feckin gobshites, they don't know their arse from their elbow at times. By the sounds of it his parents divorce has knocked him for six. Try and talk to him about that. I appreciate his point of view that you do not want to bring a child into the world in a relationship that breaks up. However, nobody knows what the future brings us and you have to live for the moment. For example: How do you feel right now, how do you feel about each other right now. Thats the important thing. The other thing I would say is do not pressure him, not that I am saying that you are but have a proper conversation about your future. Everything will be grand

Pelvic - Have a great time tomorow at you dd holy communion, my ds is making his next year! I can't wait! Where did you get your dd dress?

Armadillo - I have so much admiration of how you are handling things, whether you think you are or not. Keep strong.
xxx

yommymommy I really hope the hen night goes well - things like that can make such a difference. Thank you for your comment - I don't feel particularly strong atm but it helps to hear it.

Pelvicfloornomore good luck with the communion. Don't look in the mirror if you can help it. Just tell yourself you look fab and get going. It's easier for me as I don't wear makeup or style my hair and don't really do mirrors in this house so can sneak out and pretend I look fab.

kildare34 I hope you are enjoying the world cup now.

HAd bad afternoon yesterday. Dh went out for an hour to the shops and to pick up ds from school and i flipped and got incrediably manic/shaking and muttering to myself. HAd to take extra tablet (which I can do if necessary), which luckily managed to halt it all and then dh came back.

I feel very vunerable and completely disabled in a way that I can't even be by myself for an hour without breaking down. It's hard and it's difficult that the doctors can't say, oh you'll be fine in x amount of time because they don't know when I'll get better.

Also dh told an old friend about what was going on (because I told him to be honest with people as I dind't want to feel secretive/ashamed) so he did. BUt that person has told another who is the one person outside of my family I didn't want to know and makes me feel extremely vunerable. THat person is dh's best friend from school. We don't get on (though I haven't seen him in years). He used to be a completely arrogant self centred twat who doesn't like me. He wasa teenager then so could have changed. Not nasty just a twat. I.m overreating I know but just feeling vunerable atm.

Sorry not very positive today. Beenn up half the night with a migraine as well. WHich doesn't help.

Hello ladies,
Thank you all for your lovely words. Am feeling a lot more positive. I think a big issue is that I'm quite impulsive whereas dp is overcautious. We're off to London for a few days next week so might broach the subject then away from home and see what the issues are. MIL seems a lot happier now she's in her own house and everything is finalised.

armadillo hope you have a 'relaxing' day today and don't beat yourself up about yesterday - it was one incident and you got through it and you managed to help yourself while dh was out so you should be proud of that. I can imagine it must feel awful to be so vulnerable. When I was quite bad (although nothing compared to what you're going through) I was so scared something would happen to me alone and I couldn't stay in the house on a night by myself. I remember thinking that that was how my life was now and I'd never be 'normal' again. I think, though am not an expert!, that you will regain control and get back to normal eventually - as you are suffering because of something that happened to you - it isn't just 'how you are', if that makes sense?

kildare I love football too - hate it at the end of the season so quite good we've got world cup this year!

yommy have a fab time at the hen night - well done you for going. What are you wearing?

pelvic hope dds communion goes well. Bet you look lovely and I'm sure you will be so excited and proud of dd that you won't have time to worry about being in front of others.

blissa hope you have a relaxing weekend. Next book club book is 'Boy Toy' by Chris Lyga - about a thirteen year old boy who is groomed and molested by a female teacher. I've just started it and it's a bit too American for me, but it might pick up.

I'm at work this afternoon and have got £17 'credit' to use up so will have a look out for some snazzy jewellery. Was lovely seeing family yesterday and got my brother and his gf visiting on Monday then London on Weds so lots to keep me distracted from my broodiness!! And we do have two birth announcements to look forward to on here - when is lola's baby due? She's not been on for a few days

Have a fab weekend ladies xxx

Thank you - am feeling a bit better now as went out this morning with dh and got some makeup with my boots points and some painkillers that work! Have a family bbq this afternoon (dh family) so am looking more human and the pain is definately subsiding. Dh did my toenails for me and I did my finger nails so hopefully am looking good and no one will say (again) 'oh you're looking tired'

What you said did make sense and I think its something I need to remember when its all getting too much again. This is a temporary state. It's just horrible to be so reliant on everyone else. I like to be independant and just no chance of that at the moment.

But it will pass eventually and things should be better when it does.

Hi ladies

Kildare-dd wore my communion dress ,we just had the collar taken off and let it out slightly.

Piggymad-ooh 17 pound credit sounds good.
I think i would like working for Monsoon lol.

TheArmadillo-Sounds like you have had a good day

Well the day is done and dusted and as always it wasnt as bad as i feared.The only panic we had was getting to the church on time.Dp got home from work 20 mins before and had to change.We slipped into our seats just as the children were walking down the aisle(very close shave)I am actually worried now about if we hadnt made it in time(typical of me)
The other thing was that my neighbours daughter was there and i was worried she wouldnt speak but she said hello.So i felt better then.
All the children looked lovely and it was a special day and the weather was kind to us.
I had my moments but i didnt feel too bad.
Worn out now though as i was awake all night.

Hope everyone else is doing well?